DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters. They are the property of Paramount.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Class Act
By Tina LaMarch
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. -Anon.
"Well now, let's review. I have been given a class of two dozen to cross-train for basic Engineering work. As Chief Engineer, we all know that I have the time. We simply rescheduled all pending Borg and Hirogen attacks. We have spent the last several weeks going over the basic requirements of an engineer's life aboard Voyager. Tomorrow I will be giving you all a final exam. Are you all ready for the review? Great."
"When the plasma conduits all burst at once, the warp core is breeching and all the fully certified engineers are burnt to a crisp? Anyone? Anyone?"
"We make for the escape pods, or if our route is blocked by plasma and bodies, we go to Plan B."
"Which is?"
"Kiss our asses goodbye."
"Excellent. Everyone, a round for Tal Celes."
After the applause died down, B'Elanna continued. "Now, say you are working on replacing a coupler in Main Engineering and a tall blonde in a catsuit and Borg technology walks by. What will you do…..Tom?"
"Wipe the drool off my chin?"
"Someone who has actually been listening?"
"We inform you so you can kill her and drop to the deck to avoid flying hardware."
"Very good. A safe work environment is? Anyone?"
"A happy work environment."
"Excellent Billy! Now last review question- When the Captain asks you what you learned in this class? I'Cheb?"
"We fake Norbalian flu and excuse ourselves to go to Sickbay Lt. Torres."
"You all make me proud. Now get the hell out of my classroom."
An apple appeared before B'Elanna as she sat down at the desk. She looked up smiling at the tall blonde in a catsuit and Borg hardware. "B'Elanna, I don't think this is quite what the captain had in mind."
"Even after Starfleet training, half these people would still be more hazard than help on a starship. Those basic rules will keep me from having to kill them later. Besides, Kathryn cuts into my wooing schedule? Someone has to pay."
The End