Behind You!
By ralst
"Seven, what are you doing?"
"Affixing a mirror to the corridor."
"Why?"
"So that I can see who is coming around the corner."
"Er, why?"
"So that I have enough time to change direction and decrease my chances of meeting certain people."
"Which people?"
"Shouldn't you be in engineering Lieutenant?"
"No, I'm off duty. So come on who are you hiding from?"
"I am not hiding from anyone."
"Okay, but who do you wish to decrease the chances of meeting?"
"It is not really any of your concern."
"Oh look, the Captain's coming."
<Whoooosshhhhhh>
"Hey! Seven come back, I was only joking. Seven!"
"There is no need to shout Lieutenant."
"And there's no need for you to do the two minute mile through the corridor, but still you were doing it."
"You are exaggerating as usual Lieutenant."
"Maybe, but can I take it from your swift departure that it is indeed the Captain you wish to avoid?"
"That would be a logical assumption."
"Okay, so why?"
"I do not have time for this idle chit chat Lieutenant, I still have to affix the mirror."
"Fine, I'll just wait until you've finished and then ask again."
"Could you please refrain from smirking."
"How did you know I was smirking? I mean you've got your back to me."
<VVVVrrrrrrrrrrrVVVVrrrrrrrrr (that's an electric screwdriver, for those of you not familiar with the international phonetics of household tools lol)>
"Did the Borg equip you with eyes in the back of your head too? Or perhaps I should check under your biosuit for signs of newly sprouted implants."
"I believe it is considered impolite to stare at someone's posterior like that."
"I was not! How? I would never..."
"You seem to have forgotten what it was I was erecting Lieutenant."
"What? Of course the mirror."
"Precisely."
"Well I think you should check it for faults if it showed me looking anywhere near your...."
"Bottom?"
"Stop trying to change the subject, why are you hiding from Janeway?"
"I am not hiding."
"Seven!"
"There is no need to stamp your foot Lieutenant."
"Well?"
"I simply wish to avoid anymore of the Captain's attempts to involve me in a romantic entanglement."
"Oh."
"Snickering like that is very unbecoming."
"Sorry. So Katie's got the hots for you has she?"
"It would appear she has developed a certain attraction towards me, yes."
"And with all your Borg acquired knowledge the best plan you could come up with was hiding?"
"I did consider other options."
"Oh yeah, like what?"
"Firstly I could succumb to her wishes and engage in a sexual relationship..."
"Ewwwww."
"...secondly, I could simply tell her of my disinterest..."
"Sounds reasonable."
"...thirdly, I could say I was already involved with someone else, or finally I hide."
"Okay so what was wrong with number two?"
"I was afraid it would hurt her feelings."
"And hiding won't?"
"The hiding is only temporary."
"Temporary until when?"
"Until I find someone with whom to engage in a fake romantic relationship."
"Why fake?"
"Because there is no one currently available to whom I feel attracted."
"No one?"
"No...Is it usual for Klingon's to pout Lieutenant?"
"I am not pouting you stupid Borg."
"I believe you are now engaged in what I believe is termed sulking."
"I am not. Lets get back to you and your fake romance, okay?"
"Acceptable."
"Do you have anyone in mind?"
"I was considering Commander Chakotay."
"Chakotay! No way, no one would believe that, why'd you pick him?"
"I believe that if the Captain thought I was seeing anyone of lower rank she would consider it a passing phase and not be totally deterred. Therefore my options where limited, considering both Commander Tuvok and yourself were already married, so I thought of Commander Chakotay."
"He won't go for it."
"How do you know?"
"Because he's been waiting for years to get a chance at the Captain, he's not gonna waste the opportunity of catching her on the rebound once you've given her the knock back."
"I see."
"You know your data isn't quite accurate."
"How so?" <swoon, sorry that was me at the raised ocular implant>
"I'm not exactly married."
"Elaborate."
"Tom and I decided to separate."
"Really, that is interesting."
"You had better not say you're now considering asking him or I'll knock your block off."
"I was not considering Mr Paris, and besides I do not have a block for you to knock off."
"Whatever. So why was that interesting?"
"Well with you now available it would make perfect sense if you were...." <Whoooooossssshhhhhh>
"Seven!" "Seven!" "Oh hello Captain, sorry I think you've missed her, she said something about going on a space walk." "Glad to be of assistance."
"Is she gone?"
"Yes."
"Thank you B'Elanna."
"You're welco...hey, you used my real name."
"I felt under the circumstances it was appropriate, do you disapprove?"
"No, of course not. I kind of like the way you say it."
"You do?"
"Yeah."
"B'Elanna, can I ask you something?"
"Sure princess."
"Princess?" <swoon, ocular implant again.>
"Er, nothing, say what you were gonna ask me."
"Would you consider being my fake romantic interest?"
"No."
"Oh."
"But I would consider being your real romantic interest."
"Oh."
"Quick the Captain's coming."
"Huh?"
"Janeway!"
"Hmm?"
"Oh come here." <smooching sounds can be heard the length of the corridor>
"SEVEN!!!" - Katie too latey
"Yes Captain."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"I am kissing B'Elanna." <more kissing sounds are heard as the two eagerly resume the activity>
"As a prelude to my taking Seven back to my quarters to ravish her senseless."
<Thunk! Poor Katie hits the floor.>
"Do you think we should take her to sickbay B'Elanna?"
"Nah, we have more important matters to attend to." <amid the kissing there is the distinct sound of a zipper being lowered.> "I'll call Chakotay and tell him his time has come."
"Acceptable. Can we go now?"
"Oh yeah." <A slight clatter is heard as the two women step over the Captain and begin a mad dash for deck 9>
The End