DISCLAIMER: Characters aren't mine Fox owns them and whoever else created them owns them and I'm sure as heck ain't any money off of them.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: There are depictions of a loving relationship between two women and drug use in this, nothing major, just picking up where that STUPID series ender left off. DUMB FOX...whoops, there I go again. Oh yeah, and there's maybe two or three bad words in here too.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Thoughts
By Tygris
Part 2
Gabriella's thoughts
At first I wanted to kill her. But then I got to thinking. Death would be too good for her. She had a weakness. A drug. A drug that got her so addicted, she sunk lower than the low. Nick, my true love told me that even being clean for a while, she still struggled with it. He told me that he'd catch her sometimes just sitting upstairs in her room at the Candy Store sitting in the dark, shaking and sometime even sweating. She blamed it on the flu, but Nick knew better. Then she killed Nick, that Bitch. Yes, death would be too good for her. I wanted her to live with the same pain, the same grief I was living with. Why kill her, when I could kill her soul? But, I'd kill her soul slowly, painfully, until there was nothing left for her to live for.
She thought she was so smart, that Billie Chambers. Little did she know that I outwitted her. I had been trailing her for weeks, and she didn't even know it. Love, it can be your biggest downfall if you're a cop. The one thing I learned from Nick was to always have a backup plan.
I watched as Billie LAPD's notorious undercover agent as she simply slunk in the shadows like a coward at the Girl Bar. Sometimes she'd just simply sit in her car outside the bar, twiddling her keys in her hands waiting to catch a glimpse of a certain blonde. Billie would always straighten up when she saw her. She would just sit there her eyes fixated on the beautiful young woman as she walked across the parking lot to her Jag. I can't say that I blame her for being so spellbound, whoever this woman was that made Billie so tongue-tied was stunning, they would make a striking couple. Hell if I were gay, I'd surely try and date her, despite our age difference. I watched them one night inside the Girl Bar. Their eyes locked on each other. I could see Billie's jaw working to say something, even in the darkened shadows where she sat. There seemed to be some unspoken words she was attempting to say. The blonde made a step forward, but Billie quickly left her seat, and never returned after that. That was two weeks ago. Now it was my time to watch and slink in the shadows, as Billie was captive in my hideout.
The night she had her little "goof up" with my diamonds, I followed her to the Girl Bar. It was so easy, she was so wrapped up in her precious Sara, and she didn't even see it coming. I used my stun gun to knock her out and took her to my hideout. Love...it makes you vulnerable. I made sure she was extra 'Sedated' after she had stupidly mumbled something about Sara. Sara could just be my key to my final revenge. Patience is a virtue I convinced myself. Nick had told me symptoms for withdrawal and when the body would crave for another fix. Billie was one wild user back in the day. Getting her hooked was easy. She fought it at first, but I knew what buttons to push physically and emotionally. I reminded her of her past life as a junkie, and how much fun she had. A few clouts to the head knocked some sense into her. I had opened up a fresh wound on her forehead, and any form of physical pain I inflicted on her was easily eased by the heroin I injected in her.
Nick had told me about Alexa Tan and how Billie acted when she was around her. He was convinced that Billie was a lesbian. He said that she got weird any time Alexa was in any form of relationship, and she acted even weirder when she got married. Billie had chosen to do some undercover work the day Alexa got married which most of the force thought was odd, considering how close Alexa and Billie were. Billie had almost acted relieved when she separated from her husband. Unknown to Billie, Nick had set up the drug exchange for her that night she lost it. He watched in the shadows as she was coming down. She had gotten in an argument about the payment of her junk with one of Nick's men and she had her ass kicked when she refused to pay the price he had asked. Nick watched amused as Alexa dragged Billie to her car. Billie screamed out the location to me of that ally in exchange for a fix. Junkies, they'd sell their own front teeth when they were desperate.
Nick also told me about some bratty kid with an amazing IQ and chemical knowledge who also worshiped Billie. It's funny what a total outsider can notice. People's body language, actions and reactions say more than words can. Whoever the little punk was did anything Billie asked, including some of the pickups for her. She might be very instrumental in my revenge too. It was certainly something to keep in mind. I made a vow to myself; anybody, or anything in Billie's past would be destroyed. Her loves, her pride, her current clean reputation, oh what fun I'd have watching her hit bottom again. And that would be her ultimate destruction.
I sat at the same table in the darkened part of the Girl Bar as the petite blonde visited some of the tables gracefully, or handled any complaint with ease by her winning smile. I could tell she could sense someone watching her. She cautiously looked at me sitting in the darkened corner with my drink. She craned her head for a better look and made a few slow steps towards my table.
I stood up and exposed myself in the light, as I noticed the disappointed look in her crystal blue eyes. Excellent! She thought it might have been Billie! My plan was going according to schedule!
"Looking for someone?" I asked casually.
She forced a smile, "Sorry, I thought it might have been someone who normally sits there."
"Sorry to disappoint," I said seductively.
"Well you are a nice surprise too." She teased back. "I'm Sara," she extended her hand
"I'm Gab.... Gabbie." I shook it. "Care to join me?"
She accepted. She fell for it. I set my plan in motion. Sara was easy to figure out. She was the type to fall fast and hard. She was so trusting. Getting her to open up slightly about Billie was easy. I complimented her on her fine establishment, and she spilt the rest. She told me her former life was as a thief and about an undercover cop who had cut her a deal and gave her a second chance. She had this steady, almost hypnotic gaze in her eyes when she talked about Billie. She was so disgustedly in love it was almost sickening! But the look Sara had in those eyes of hers while she was talking about Billie, damn! She almost had me falling for her.
"I wish I could thank her," she stated playing with her drink and blushing slightly. This girl had it bad!
"Why can't you?" I questioned innocently.
"It's complicated." she responded flatly.
"True," I added, "she did betray you after all."
Sara said she didn't care. Even before she had met Billie, she had grown tired of that life and even wanted to change. What is it with these 'reformed' criminals anyways? They met someone 'good' they fell for them, and then they themselves wanted to 'reform' or 'change their ways'. Falling in love can be a real bitch sometimes.
We chatted some more, I said all of the flattering things, and I thought I saw her blush a couple of times. Oh this girl was way too easy! I gave her my phone number, which she accepted graciously.
I knew the boys were on my tail. They weren't stupid. Van would do anything for his boss and go through any lengths to protect her. I had a feeling this was going to go down bad. As if I would go down without my diamonds, I'd have one last thing to do. My final revenge. Nick was everything to me and Billie's pride and love for Sara was everything to her. Oh the things I got out of her in the early mornings when she was coming down from her high and screaming for another fix. I had gotten some of my revenge on her. I once again got her hooked, and I kept all of her body parts in tact. Cannibalism really wasn't my style. I just said I'd start mailing body parts to make me look big.
"I went to the Girl Bar last night," I announced to Billie as she was slowly waking.
I watched for a reaction, she gave none, her head remained slumped on her chest, but I sensed that she had a strong will that needed to be broken. She had one tough will I'll give her that. She had eaten very little in days and spit most of it back at me. When I helped her to the bathroom, she kicked and thrashed about, and even spit at me in the face a few times. Still, I was the one who held the power now, and I wanted to make sure she knew it.
"I met Sara."
Bingo. Billie lifted her head, her body slightly twitching from withdrawal from the drug I'd been injecting in her. She said nothing, but the crazed look of vengeance danced in her eyes. For a moment it frightened me, but I remembered that I was in control of the situation, and there was no way Billie could do anything about it.
"Maybe I'll go back and ask her on a date.... perhaps I'll bring her back here so she can see what kind of animal you are."
Billie thrashed about in her chair, I had hit another sore spot and I loved it, her eyes were glassy but cold as she tried in vain to break the cuffs that held her. I honestly thought she'd hurt herself and what joy I'd have watching that. She knew that if something happened to her, Sara would be my next victim, and there would be no living with that. Her breathing became deep as her chest rose and fell heavily. It was almost like watching a trapped wild animal ready to attack.
"Love, that was always your downfall Billie. First it was the love of adrenaline rushing through your veins while you were the hunter hunting for your prey. Then it was the love of heroin rushing through your veins as you shot up," I leaned in closer and studied her face as I hissed out "Then it was the rush of falling in love wasn't it?"
Billie's eyes targeted mine as I leaned close to her and whispered in her ear. "Dying for another fix?" I held up a needle for her to see. She quickly looked away, I could tell the drugs were wearing off; her clothes clung to her body that was thick with sweat. Mentioning Sara's name gave her a purpose to live. Her eyes held a deep determination as she uttered a few swear words and then added "Touch her and I'll...."
"You'll what?" I grabbed her track filled arm "I'd say you aren't exactly in a position to do anything Billie."
"Please," she half begged "Stop." She squirmed under my touch. Her breathing was becoming ragged. I so enjoyed watching her in this helpless state. "Stop? Funny, the other night you were begging for a fix. See what love does to you? It makes you weak." I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me, I wanted my face to be the last thing she thought about for a very long time.
"Love also gives you a purpose for living," Billie gasped out in defiance. "But you have never known true love? Have you?"
That Bitch, that last comment was almost a leer! How dare she defy me? I slapped her hard across the face. Billie let out a grunt but turned to face me, her deep blue eyes full of nothing but sheer hate. Should she have been able, I'm sure she would have put up one hell of a good fight.
"Sara doesn't know much about your past and that nasty...nasty.... nasty heroin addict you once were does she? Rumor has it you shot a dealer at point blank just to get your fix."
Billie said nothing; my bringing it up was too much for her. She knew she had been one wild animal back then and would stop at nothing to get what she wanted, even if it included murder.
"I don't remember," she stated simply. There was a tinge of regret in her voice. The feeling of being in control of this situation was better than any rush Billie had experienced using heroin.
"You don't remember? What about that little brat...oh what was her name...Nicole...Noelle...Natalie.... Nat..that's it. Maybe I'll ask her if she knows anything about it."
Billie glared at me with her ice blue eyes, her breathing still remained deep. I knew she was trying to maintain control. Still, I wanted to push further.
"Did you really care for her Billie, or did you just use her? Did you sleep with her too?"
Billie jerked in her chair. Her eyes burned deeper with rage. "You leave her out of this! She's just a girl!"
"Funny, you didn't think she was a girl when you used her now did you?"
Billie looked away. Again I hit a soft spot. Judging by the look in her eyes, that was still an unresolved issue that she needed to deal with, and it definitely gave me something to work with.
"You still didn't answer me, did you sleep with her?"
"Fuck you!" Billie spat out.
I just laughed, such defiance was utterly amusing! "No, I asked you if you fucked her?"
Billie jerked about violently in her chair, her eyes never leaving mine.
I could tell by the look in her eyes that the answer was yes, but she rather would have forgotten about it.
"Let me guess, you broke her in and she was terrible in the sack huh?" I laughed incredibly amused.
"She was actually amazing. She's more of a woman than you and I will ever be!"
I pressed on ignoring her last comment, how the hell would she know what I was like in bed anyway?
"So you slept with Nat, and you slept with Sara..humm...you used them both now didn't you. Nat for Drugs and Sara for info. If you don't mind me asking, who was better? Nat or Sara? Oh wait, I suppose I should throw Alexa in the mix too shouldn't I? Heck, maybe I'll seduce both Nat and Sara and I'll tell you which one I thought was better, I'd try and seduce Alexa too, but she's dead. Bet she broke your heart when she married that guy, but tell me, did you receive a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe you could still have her when her divorce came through?"
Billie screamed out a string of profanity at me. She had a considerable amount of strength for the amount of abuse I put her through. But love and vengeance will give you strength for anything. I knew first hand. I stood back and watched as she easily drained herself to exhaustion trying to break the bonds that held her. She gradually caught her breath and zoned in on my eyes once again.
"Why? Why are you doing this? What did they do to you?"
"Nothing. That's the thing, they're innocent, well, maybe not Sara, judging by that killer body of hers, I bet she put you through quite a workout in bed huh Chambers?"
"You're sick!"
"And you're an addict!" I shot back.
"Bitch!"
"Murderer!" I added. This was turning into a fun game.
Billie shook her head violently, "No...no I won't let you twist what I do, I protect people!"
"You didn't protect that dealer."
Billie remained silent for a moment. That part of her past still remained a mystery to her. In reality, Nick and I knew the truth, and so did someone close to Billie.
"Tell me something. One time you received your fix; you mumbled something about really loving Sara. Do you?"
Billie narrowed her eyes. "Yes."
"If you really loved her, why did you use her?"
"I live with that question, and the guilt that follows every day." Billie mumbled.
For a split second, I felt sorry for her. At that moment, I truly saw how human Billie Chambers was. Maybe she was capable of love after all.
"What about Nat?"
"Like I said, she's just a girl."
"But you slept with her."
Billie looked at me square in the eye. "You're right. I used her. I wanted sex and I wasn't getting it from Alexa, so I got it from her. I made a mistake. And I told her. I choose to loose contact with her because...because I hated myself for what I did to her. Satisfied?"
"She's a cute little thing. And Sara....wow! She's a knockout. She must work out quite a bit huh?"
Billie remained silent. It was taking every ounce of will power to fight the withdrawls. Like I said, Love, it gives you amazing strength.
"Come on now Billie, I'm just trying to make light conversation."
"I've got nothing to say." Billie stated defiantly.
"Do you think your lovely Sara would still have you if she found out about your past problem?" I sneered. "That and the fact you're a murderer?"
Billie said nothing, she looked away. I knew she was nearing her end. It was time to put my final plans for her into action.
"Maybe it's time Sara finds out all of the gory little details about your past." I grabbed her hair once more. "At least if I don't get my diamonds, you'll go down like the dog you are." I gave her one swift punch in her stomach. Billie, powerless to fight back merely let out a moan and slumped back in her chair that held her captive. Again I hovered over her flicking a larger needle. "You know, Nick also bragged a little too much on how much heroin is just enough to be a near overdose." I squatted down for her to get a better look at me, I wanted to be the last thing that she saw as I injected another dose of heroin in her.
Billie let out a frustrated scream as the needle pierced her skin one final time. The only one hearing her cries was me, and quite frankly, I didn't give a damn.
Epilogue
The driver of the dark SUV pulled into the blackened alley. The driver parked and dragged the drug-induced passenger out of the SVU forcefully.
"Remember this ally?" the driver asked grabbing a fistful of brown hair forcing the passenger to study the ware about despite her weakened condition.
"Oh God...." the passenger shivered, "No....."
"Yes...it's the same ally where your friend found you didn't she? Alexa!"
The drug induced passenger desperately tried to fight off her attacker, but in her delirious state, she was no match. With a few punches to the face and stomach the passenger slumped against the wall.
With one last look, the driver of the SVU spat on her victim and gave her one final kick to the stomach.
"Happy Withdrawls, Bitch," she leered.
Gabriella was a patient woman. One final part to her plan, and everything would be complete. Timing was everything.
Billie Chambers struggled to stay awake, she heard Gabriella's heels tapping rhythmically against the asphalt as she began to shake both from withdrawls and cold. Whether it was minutes or hours she heard a young female voice call her name and a hand gently touch her face. With her police instincts, she forced her eyes open and grabbed the hand with her own letting out a low animal like growl.
"Billie, it's o.k. it's me!" the voice soothed.
Billie closed her eyes praying this nightmare was only a dream.