DISCLAIMER: The story, and characters and anything and everything
else concerning SG: SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, Secret Productions
etc, they are so not mine and no money is being made from this and
no copyright infringement is intended.
SEQUEL/SERIES: This story follows A Dream Can Come True, Believe, Wonderful, Like Someone In Love and I Scare Myself.
SOUNDTRACK: Lamb "This girl's in Heaven" from the album "Lamb."
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author
This Girl's in Heaven
By Celievamp
As Janet and I tucked Cassie into bed in her own room in Janet's
house it struck me. This would be Cassie's life from now on. I
stood back, leaning against the door jamb as Janet sat on the edge
of the bed, stroking Cassie's hair. My little friend looked past
her at me and I gave her an encouraging smile. I watched as she
settled into the pillow and closed her eyes. She was going to be
just fine.
I, however, was dealing with some pretty mixed feelings. I had
really opened Pandora's box when I became so attached to Cassie.
I'll never ever regret what I did but I'm damn lucky I'm not up on
charges. It's going to take me a while, if ever, to get over the
emotional impact of the last couple of weeks. And how its changed
what was just beginning between Janet and I.
Janet got up and I moved into the hallway. Janet left the bedroom
door slightly ajar so that we would hear if Cassie got restless
during the night. First night in her new home combined with
everything she'd been through the last few weeks and nightmares were
a distinct probability. I was in the spare bedroom almost directly
opposite, Janet's bedroom was at the other end of the hall. It
would take all of my self control to let Janet go to her first if
Cassie did cry out, but I knew I had to do it.
Janet was her mother now. I was
what, a friend of the family at
worst, an honorary aunt at best. I had applied to adopt Cassie but
had been rejected immediately. My active status and working hours
would make it impossible to provide the care and attention she
needed. Janet's hours might be only slightly less hectic but at
least she was on Earth.
I didn't fight the decision. I had first hand experience of the
kind of lifestyle that I could offer Cassie and I wouldn't want to
inflict it on anyone.
I followed Janet downstairs into the den. She flopped onto the
couch and let out a huge sigh. "Well that went better than I
thought it might."
"What do you mean?" I asked. "You're great with her, Janet. A
couple of weeks and it `ll be like she never lived anywhere else."
Cassie had been opening out to Janet all day as more evidence of her
thoughtfulness and real affection and care for the girl had come to
light: the way Janet had decorated her room, the toys and games she
had bought, letting Cassie choose what and where we would eat that
evening. Allowing me to be included in almost every process. Janet
got the final say of course, but that was only right. That was how
it should be.
I should consider myself lucky that I had what I did, I told
myself. Cassie could have been shipped off anywhere and I might
never have seen her again.
Janet was watching me. I figured I'd probably been silent a little
too long. "Sorry, went off on a mental tangent there."
"I could see," Janet said softly. "Hun, you know that you're
welcome here any time, don't you. To see Cassie or me. What we
have between us is wonderful but it's still so new and now there's
Cassie to consider
"
I had expected this as well. Thank God she was practical and
direct. It would have taken me days to formulate that argument. "I
agree," I said. "We should cool things
"
"No, that's not what I'm saying," Janet said, reaching out to take
my hand. "We'll have to be careful around her at first, of course.
I don't know what the Hankan morality code entails. I want you in
my life, Sam, as fully and as openly as possible. But if you're
having second thoughts I quite understand."
She understood, yes, but it was hurting her terribly. Even with my
impacted social skills I could tell that.
"I'll be here for both of you, Janet, don't worry." I had to tell
her the truth. She was willing to risk everything to be in a
relationship with me. "I had a not so great childhood and
well,
I'd never do anything that might cause Cassie further grief."
"Would talking help? I know so little about you Sam, and that's
something I've wanted to remedy for a long time but we've never had
the time to just sit down together like this."
I nodded, took a deep breath. I could do this. I could talk about
myself to my lover. The silence stretched out. She sat next to me,
her hands curved over mine, her thumbs gently stroking along the
ridge of my knuckles. I could do this
"My mum died when I was just a little older than Cassie is now." I
look into her eyes. They're warm, comforting, they urge me to go
on. "I was baking cookies when dad came home and told me. She died
in a car crash, dad was supposed to pick her up, he was late, she
took a taxi and there was an accident. After that I was pretty
much alone. Dad went off on mission after mission - I was lucky if
he came home twice a year. And when he did, it was as if it hurt
him to look at me. My brother Mark was older than me. He got out as
soon as he could and never really came back. This is the first
time, the first place that I've really felt like I was part of a
family since
since I was Cassie's age, I suppose. Which is why I
could never be angry with you for taking her in when I wasn't
allowed to. What I suppose I'm saying is that I really hope you'll
let me be a part of your lives, even if I'm not, if we're not
" I
shuddered, falling silent as the enormity of what I was saying
overcame me. "If you don't
that's what I meant when
if you think
I'd be too disruptive for Cassie, I quite understand. My dad
my
dad told me I was difficult to love, that I had been a mistake."
"What?" Janet's tone was incredulous.
"He didn't really want another child after Mark, and certainly not a
daughter. I
I
" I froze as Janet's arms were securely around me,
the intensity of the hug stealing my breath.
"Sam, don't you ever think that! I can't bring up Cassie without
you, Sam. She loves you so much, you saved her life after all when
you went against orders to stay with her in the bunker. Cassie
still doesn't know me very well, she may grow to love me in time but
she loves you now. She needs you now. I need you, Sam. I love
you. And your dad was wrong. You are very easy to love. And your
presence in my life, in Cassie's life is not a mistake. It's a
blessing."
If I ever get to meet Sam's father my first instinct would be to
drop kick him into the middle of next week. How dare he treat
anyone like that, least of all his own daughter! No wonder
Now I know what's really been bothering her since Cassie came into
our lives. It wasn't just that she was sore at me for being allowed
to adopt Cassie whilst she was refused permission. It was all the
abandonment issues from her mother's death and her father's
estrangement. It explains so much about her, her walls, her
occasionally abject social skills, her incredible capacity for
love. If only I could make her see that about herself. But she'll
always see herself as the mirror of her father. All these years
she's tried to be the good soldier and gain his respect and love.
All these years denying herself, her happiness.
I've never met the man and I hate him with a passion.
I meant what I said about needing her help every step of the way
with Cassie. She's not a little child, she's on the verge of being
a teenager and she's going to assimilate our culture fast. You can
see that it's in her nature. A couple of years and she's going to
be a typical stroppy teen. And I won't have the depth of knowledge,
the bond with her to be of as much help with her as I will probably
need. Sam is a great role model for her. Better than Jack O'Neill
at any rate.
I need Sam for Cassie's sake. And for mine. The panic that went
through me when she just intimated that perhaps it would be better
if we pulled away from each other. I need her. I need her in my
life.
I get up, she looks up at me, startled out of her reverie. Good. I
straddle her thighs, my hands on her shoulders pushing her back
against the cushions of the couch. I kiss her, taking my time,
savouring the taste and texture of her. At first she's almost
passive, but that does not last long as the intensity of our
exchanges grows exponentially. Her eyes have drifted closed,
opening slowly as I abandon her lips and kiss my way down the line
of her jaw and down her throat, pausing at those places I know have
some sort of chi line straight to her centre. She gasps, her back
arching, her fingers, which have been teasing up and down my ribcage
for some time grip at me almost convulsively.
I raise myself up so that I am looking down on her, her face tilted
up towards me, her eyes dark with passion. "You are loved," I told
her solemnly. "You are wanted." She reached up to caress my cheek,
my own hands framing her beautiful face. "You are not your father."
I admit that wasn't the best mental image ever, but I got my point
across.
Her smile was like the sun rising. I felt my own smile break out in
response. This was everything I could have hoped for. This was
heaven.
The End
GOLD Lamb (Lamb)
Stay with me forever and a day if I could be near you
You put a strength in me
Feeling this way about someone like you
You put a strength in me
You put a strength in me
For a lifetime I'd never want for anything
Hearing your voice is like icicles down my spine
And touching your warm skin
Starts electric storms
Through my mind.
I knew something was missing
Just take me everywhere you go
This girl's in heaven
Couldn't be clearer, or dearer, or so overdue
So sure so pure
So much what I was looking for
Here are you filling up my life
My life
You put a strength in me
I knew something was missing
Just take me everywhere you go
This girl's in heaven
Life is light in everything about you
When you're as one, everything I touch is gold
I couldn't be in a better place
Than to be around
This girl's in heaven
I knew something was missing
Just take me everywhere you go
I knew something was missing
Just take me everywhere you go
This girl's in heaven