DISCLAIMER: I do not own Grey's Anatomy because I am not Shonda Rhimes or ABC Studios. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
A Patchwork Sonnet
"So you're like really a lesbian now?"
Christina never has a problem asking questions whose answers are none of her business.
"Erica didn't break you?"
You look down at your coffee cup, then out the apartment window. You look everywhere but into that place where pain likes to hide, tricking you into believing that you're actually OK.
"She did." Admitting it to someone other than Mark makes you feel a little less broken. A little less hers.
"Are you going to start fantasizing about me?"
Christina's kinda disappointed and you kinda love her for it.
"You should go out on a date with me."
You have no idea what to say, but it's to be expected. There's a sad comfort in your new predictability.
"Tonight?" Arizona continues softly. "Can I pick you up at 8?"
"Umm, sure." You finally find your voice and wonder if that counts as one and a half words or two.
"It's OK, you know." She looks at you like she has all the answers to the questions you're not ready to ask.
"I'm not," you lie.
She just smiles and a little bit of your fear gets lost in her dimples.
You think maybe you guys moved too fast. Her hands roaming underneath your shirt make you think maybe not.
Arizona pushes your back into the door. She rips your shirt open and the buttons clatter around your feet like tiny promises.
Her lips are hot.
Your skin is singed.
This is new for you... the immediacy of it. Before, it took work. There were Hurt Feelings and Awkward Silences.
You pull away from her lips. You don't want this to happen against the front door.
But, the bedroom door is as far as you get.
Your skirt sliding up your thighs is the last thing your brain comprehends.
Maybe you did move too fast.
Or maybe now you can see the leaves too.
It's a beautifully unfair responsibility to give someone, but maybe it's a gift. You realize that not understanding the difference has been your problem all along.
"Good morning." Arizona smiles at you. Sweet. Sleepy. Sexy. The tilt of her lips momentarily make you forget about your mistakes and how they follow you around.
"Good morning," you respond. Your voice is raspy and you like the way her eyes change when she hears it.
You lean over and kiss her because you want to, but mostly because you can.
"What's wrong with you?" Because it's Bailey, the question lacks the warmth of someone who truly cares, but you know better than that.
"What do you think about Dr. Robbins?"
"Why?" She looks at you skeptically.
"I think we might be in a relationship."
The look on Bailey's face would be funny if you weren't so nervous.
"We have sex and it's really hot. Like really, really hot. And we hang out all the time, but it's really easy. Like too easy, you know?"
The whole scene suddenly feels very familiar and your cheeks redden with embarrassment. "I'm gonna leave now."
You pull away from Arizona's mouth to catch your breath. She smiles up at you from her living room couch and you weigh the importance of oxygen versus the feel of her lips.
"I've been avoiding you all week," you admit.
"You've been here every night."
"I know. I'm really bad at it."
She kisses a delicious laugh onto your neck.
"Why?" The way she whispers the question into your ear and grazes your skin with her tongue makes you think she'd rather hear the answer later.
"I freaked... because I think maybe I could love you."
"I think I did something kind of stupid." Your best friend, Rachel, looks at you like that's a given.
"One bottle stupid or two bottles stupid?"
"One, I think." You sit at the kitchen table while she grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses.
She fills both glasses and your first sip is more like a gulp.
"What did you do?"
"I kissed Callie Torres in the bathroom at Joe's."
"Are you serious?"
Rachel refills your glass. "And that was stupid because why?"
It's the kind of question only Rachel would ask and that's exactly why you keep her around.
"You should go out on a date with me."
Callie silently freaks out when she hears your question.
"Tonight?" you ask. "Can I pick you up at 8?"
For a moment you think you made a mistake. Maybe you're being too forward. The truth is you've never waited for what you want to come to you and you really don't think you should start now.
"Umm, OK," Callie finally answers, but you can see the fear hiding in between those two words.
"It's OK, you know."
"I'm not," she lies.
You smile because she sounds like you used to before the memories that caused that fear stopped hurting so much.
You push Callie up against the front door and consider being a better person and slowing things down. A low moan slides between Callie's lips and your nobility immediately flies out the window.
She pulls you further into the apartment. You stumble over everything and nothing at all until Callie's back hits the bedroom door.
You pull Callie's hands above her head and suck the throbbing pulse point on her neck. The feel of her skin against your lips is almost too much and yet definitely not enough.
You lift her skirt until it reaches her waist.
"Do you want me to stop?"
So you don't.
The way she says good morning shivers through your entire body and makes you think about waking up to her from now on. It's probably a good idea to keep that to yourself. When she kisses you, you try to say what you're thinking without saying anything at all.
"Jesus," Callie pulls away with a deep gasp. You see the revelation of who you can be to her reflected in her eyes. Sometimes kisses speak better than words.
"What time do you have to go to work?" She asks you the question while her hand slips between your legs.
"I'm taking the day off."
"You wanted to see me Dr. Robbins?" Dr. Bailey interrupts the only thought that's been running through your mind all day.
"Dr. Bailey, hi. You're going to be starting on my service tomorrow."
"Yes, I've been looking at your cases. Is there something I need to know?"
"No, I mean yes. I mean... you're friends with Dr. Torres, right?"
"Yes, she likes you. Yes, she thinks the sex is hot. Yes, she is scared out of her mind. I am a surgeon, dammit! A surgeon. Not a life coach."
Dr. Bailey stalks down the hallway muttering something about the return of a Nazi, but all you can do is smile.
You contemplate the idea of Callie maybe being able to fall in love with you. You're surprised she admits to the possibility.
"That's good because I'm already in love with you." The words tumble out of your mouth. Callie pulls away slightly. "I really tried not to say that."
"No, you didn't."
No, you didn't.
"I just want you to know where I stand."
"And where is that," she asks.
"Wherever you are." It's a cheesy line, even for you, but Callie needs someone to be in that kind of love with her... the kind that makes you sound like a Hallmark card and not even care.
"Wherever I am, huh?"
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