DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. I want to own them but they belong to the brilliant mind known as Mr. Dick Wolf. I write these for fun (and, well, out of boredom honestly), so I don't make any money and, to my knowledge, am not breaking any copyright laws.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Past, Present, and Future
By Elise McGonagall
"Tell me," she whispers as she kissed my stomach.
I moan, "Tell you what?"
"All of them."
My eyes snap open and I stare down at her. She has stopped and is now looking up at me. I feel myself falling into her eyes and I can't deny her anything.
"Why?"
"I want to know."
"All of them?"
"Alright, fine. How about just the most recent ones?"
"How recent?"
"Jesus, Liv, is it really that bad?"
"Well it's just…" I hesitate. It's not that bad, right? I just don't want to hurt her. I don't want to fuck this up. "You promise not to get mad?"
She rolls her eyes. "Lord, why do I feel like you're about to tell me you slept with every person on the island of Manhattan?"
"Not quite, though…"
"Yes…"
"There were a lot of no name encounters."
She takes a breath and squints her eyes. "Were there any name encounters?"
"Yes."
"Are you going to tell me those names?"
"You know you could be a detective."
"Don't try to charm me. Spill."
Oy. She's serious. "I told you about Andy."
"Yes. Was there anyone after Andy?"
"You."
"Before me?"
"Right before you there was Michael. Nice guy, an accountant. Got tired of me cancelling on him. It wouldn't have worked anyway."
"Anyone else?"
"Well…there was Abbie."
I can see her face freeze. Shit.
"Abbie Carmichael?"
I look away, "Yes. She worked with SVU before you came," I look back at her. Her face is still frozen so I quickly add, "It was nothing serious. A fling really. We would go out for drinks after cases and, well you know, one thing led to another and…we weren't exclusive."
"So there were others too?"
"Well, I mean one night stands, maybe two if they were lucky."
"Who?"
"Um, well there was this jackass who used to be Munch's partner."
"Brian Cassidy."
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"Remember that night at McMullen's?"
"He came over for like three seconds."
"Three seconds too long. Olivia, I saw how he looked at you. No one can look at my girlfriend like that and not go unnoticed."
I smile. "I wasn't your girlfriend then."
She blushes realizing her mistake and pulls herself next to me placing a kiss softly on my lips, "Does it matter?"
"No."
"Who else besides Cassidy?"
This was getting tedious. "Only two others Kathleen Eastman and Erica Alden."
Her mouth drops open and she stares at me in disbelief, "Did you sleep with all of your ADAs?"
"No just them and Abbie and, well, you, but you're different. What I have with you is different than what I had with them or Abbie or Andy or anyone..." She has sat up on the bed and turned away and I am rambling to her back.
"Is that why you're with me? To appease your little ADA fetish?" Her voice is cold and harsh and I wince though I know I deserve it.
"Look at me, Alex," she doesn't turn, "Alexandra." Her full name sounds strange coming from me. It makes me frown, but it works and she turns to face me.
"I…" Now that I'm looking at her I have no idea what to say. Her face is hard and I can almost see the wall that she has put between us. "Alex, I know that I have done a lot of stupid stuff in my life. I'm fucked up. Really fucked up and my way of dealing with that was to have meaningless sexual encounters with people I didn't care about. The ADA thing just happened because those were the people I happened to be around."
"So you just happened to be around me, is that it?" Her voice is still angry but I can see the hurt behind her eyes.
"God, no," I take her face in my hands, "I have known since the day I met you that I was supposed to be with you. Okay, maybe not the day I met you because I was pretty pissed with the whole Morris Commission/Elliot thing."
"I hear you called me the Ice Princess Bitch."
I am going to kill Stabler. "Uh, yeah, I did, but not too long after that I became completely enamored with you to the point that I would become a puddle of goo every time you were within twenty feet of me and I would make up excuses to come see you."
"What changed? It suddenly dawned on you that I was an ADA?" Her lips began to curl into a small smile and I feel the beginnings of a wave of relief.
"It suddenly dawned on me that you were unlike any person I had ever met. You were amazingly gorgeous, you were extremely intelligent, incredibly passionate, and really funny when you want to be."
"Were?"
"Are."
"Better," She finally lets herself smile and I am astounded by her beauty, "You know, Detective, flattery will get you everywhere."
I am completely caught up in her smile, "I think I realized that I had fallen in love with you the first time I saw you smile like that."
"Love?"
Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "I mean, I…uh…" Shit, Benson, really smooth. Well I suppose I can't backtrack now. "Yes. Love."
Her eyelids flutter as she processes it, "Say it."
I take a deep breath and look into her eyes, "I love you, Alex Cabot." Wow, I have never said that to anyone. I hardly ever said it to my mother.
She kisses me. "I love you too, Olivia Benson."
I'm grinning like a fool. I know I am and, quite frankly, I don't really care. I'll probably be grinning like a fool for the next week and I still don't care. Ah hell, who am I kidding? I am probably going to be grinning like a fool for the rest of my life. The rest of my life with Alexandra Cabot. She cuddles up against me as we lie back down on the bed. We close our eyes and drift blissfully to sleep. Who ever thought I would get so lucky?
The End