DISCLAIMER: All belongs to the great Ilene Chaiken and Showtime.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: For season one.
Lost
By CK
Part 3
Bette Porter walked the gallery. It was still pretty packed and Provocations had been open for more than two weeks now. She felt a feeling of pride sweep over her. She stopped and looked at a painting of a man and a woman over lapping in many places and yet very distinctly drawn from the other. She liked this one very much, and she had found herself staring at it many times. There was something about the curves and the colors that made her almost yearn to enter the picture itself.
"Bette?" A voice broke her from her day dream.
"Franklin?" Bette looked at him without seeing him.
"I wanted to talk to you about a conversation I had with Peggy Peabody."
"I know what she wants of me." Bette said, annoyed that he had disturbed her peaceful thoughts to discuss this.
"You do? Of course you do, she would talk to you before talking to me." He frowned. "We would hate to lose you any earlier than necessary. But we understand what a great opportunity it is for you." He started.
"Are you letting me go Franklin?" Bette asked, finally focusing on him.
"Not exactly. We are prepared to make you a deal." Franklin said smiling at Bette.
"What sort of deal?"
"We will give you whatever time you need to work on this up and coming project with Peggy as well as give you a raise, if you'll sign a contract for 3 years." Franklin lowered his voice. "Some of the board members have been on my ass about the little trouble between you and I in the beginning of the season. But we both know it was just a little thing. And the board said they would like to see you stay on with us and continue to bring the CAC into the new century."
Bette looked at him. Was this not the same man who just a few short months ago was ready to serve her head on a platter? "Well, I will have to think about it."
"Of course. You'll want to talk to Tina about it." He smiled at her before walking away.
Tina. She would love to talk to Tina about it all. But she had promised to give Tina her space. Not to push. But she hadn't seen or spoken to her in over a week. Maybe one little call wouldn't hurt.
At that moment her phone rang and she jumped. "Hello?"
"Bette it's Alice."
"Ok."
"I think I really need to talk to you about something." Alice sounded a little upset. "Can you do lunch?"
Bette looked at her watch. "Yeah I can. Is there something wrong with Tina?"
"No, it's not Tina." Alice sounded like she was going to break down at any moment.
"Ok, how about Pink's? I'm dying for a hot dog."
"Sure. I'll be there in 15 minute." Alice said before hanging up.
When Bette arrived, Alice was sitting at one of the picnic tables in the front. "What's up?" Bette asked sitting down.
"I kissed Dana." Alice blurted out.
Bette's eyes grew wide in amazement. "You what?"
"I kissed Dana. The night of the opening. I went to her house and rang the door bell, it was like 4 in the morning and I told her she couldn't marry Tonya and then I kissed her." Alice looked at Bette.
"Wow." Bette said, unable to think of anything else to say.
"Yeah. And she kissed me back." Alice added. "And now Tonya is gone. Did you know that?"
"Wow. No." Bette said again, trying to take it all in.
"Yeah." Alice looked at the hot dog in front of her. "I think I may actually be in love with Dana Fairbanks."
"Wow." Bette looked at Alice.
"Would you stop saying that." Alice frowned.
"Sorry, I just... I can't believe... Wow." Bette was practically in shock.
"Bette!"
"Sorry." Bette thought for a moment and somehow it made sense to her. "I think you would work."
"Yeah?" Alice asked. "Really, me and Dana?"
Bette nodded and picked up the hot dog. "Sure. Friends sometimes make the best lovers."
"Yeah and sometimes they don't." Alice frowned at Bette. "That's my dog."
Bette shook her head. "Not now." She picked up Alice's coke and took a sip. "And this is mine." She smiled. "You need to decide if it's worth the risk."
"I don't want to be the kind of person who sleeps with their friends." Alice said snagging her soda back.
"We're friends and we've slept together." Bette waited until Alice was done taking a drink and grabbed the drink.
"Hey!" Alice sighed. "Don't you eat at home?"
"I don't cook." Bette reminded her. "Tina was much better at it." Her voice grew soft.
"Bette, what are you going to do?" Alice asked, grabbing the other dog on the plate.
"I don't know. I'm not sure what I can do." She took another drink. "Give her space I guess."
A few days later Tina found herself standing outside her old boss's office. She ran her hand over her skirt for the hundredth time. She knew she looked good. And these were people she had known, what seemed like forever ago. The door opened and Tom Greggs stepped out. "Tina!" He smiled at her. He was middle aged and a bit portly about the belly, but he reminded her of a warm family man. And he was the first one to give her a job out of college.
"Tom." She said as they embraced warmly.
"So you're wanting to get back in the rat race huh?" He said leading her into his office.
"Well at least freelance." She said taking a seat .
"That I can give you. I have a project that isn't going the way the investors would like. The script needs to be pumped up and there is a slight problem with the trademark." He shrugged. "Actors who think they can write."
"Legal problems?" She asked. "And you're still involved?"
"Well our new head guy over in Legal says we have a case and since we've already sunk the money into it, we should try and salvage what we can." Tom looked at her. "Are you up for this?"
"Are you offering it to me?"
He smiled big. "Hell yeah Tina. I can't think of anyone else I could trust with this."
Tina smiled. She had always been good at what she did. "Then I accept."
"Great, have lunch with me and lets get things started." He stood as there was a knock at the door. "Good Legal is here."
The door opened and a handsome man stood before them. "Tom I ..." He stopped.
"Eric?" Tina asked, eyes wide. "You're head of Legal?"
He smiled. "Tina, yeah I am." He looked at Tom. "This is the wonder woman you were talking about?"
Tom nodded. "Yes she is. You two know each other?"
"Yeah we dated a few years back." Eric said looking back at Tina.
"Seven," Tina said.
Tina listen through lunch to what Tom and Eric had to say on the issues dealing with the script. She was pretty sure she could save this film for the investors and the studio, at least on the creative side. When they were finished with lunch, Tom paid with this company credit card and excused himself, leaving Tina and Eric alone.
"Seven years is a long time." Eric said smiling.
"Yes it is." Tina looked at him. "You look good."
"Thank you." He looked at the sunny day. "Want to take a walk somewhere? Chat and get through this awkward time before we have to work together?"
Tina nodded. "I think that's a great idea." She smiled at him as they left the restaurant. They headed out across the street and onto the beach.
"So I think I saw you on the news not that long ago, with the woman who used to get me the best art work around." Eric said, trying to keep his voice light.
She looked away. "I was. Provocations opened a few weeks ago."
"I haven't been to see it. I've been meaning to." He said, noticing the mention of Bette brought an unusual response.
Tina looked back at him. "You should. It's very different. Something I think people should see."
"Perhaps I will." He looked at her. "Did I tell you I'm married? Almost 6 years now."
She smiled, happy for him. "That's wonderful Eric."
He took out his wallet, and showed her a picture. A lovely blonde California girl and a smaller version stood together on the beach, wind blowing their hair. "My wife Carol and our daughter Katie."
Tina looked at them. "They're lovely." She could have had that with him, she thought to herself. A normal life, with a husband and having a baby without the doctors and donors. She looked at him. "I'm so happy you found what you were looking for."
"Well, actually we're heading for divorce." He said softly
"Eric, I'm so sorry." She said softly. "Seems to be going around." The tears welled up in her eyes and she couldn't fight it.
"Tina." He said putting his arms around her. "What happened?"
"Bette and I..." And before she knew it, she was rehashing the whole thing. She looked at him once the tale was told. "What's wrong with me?"
"Oh God, Tina, nothing. People do stupid insensitive things for strictly selfish reasons. I had only known Bette a little while before you and I were dating. I can't speak for her. But I can't think of any reason anyone would have for cheating on an amazing woman like you." Eric held her in his arms while she cried herself out.
Alice almost dropped her drink "Sexy Eric?"
Tina rolled her eyes. "It was Eric." She picked up a fry and took a bite out of it. "He looked good."
Alice shook her head. "Of all the people."
"I know. I was surprised he had given up private practice to work for a studio." She took another bite. "It was nice to see him again."
"Nice?" Alice raised an eyebrow.
"We were friends and colleagues." Tina said picking up another fry.
"That's not all you were."Alice said pointedly.
"He's married, with a kid." Tina said watching as Shane made her way towards them.
"Hey," Shane said sitting down. "What's up?"
"Nothing." Alice said. "Hear from Dana at all?" She tried to sound causal. Tina smiled at her.
"Nope. But I heard from Jenny. She found an apartment and wondered if we could all give her a hand." Shane looked at Tina. "Can you handle it? If not it's not big deal, I've got it."
"I can help a friend." Tina smiled. "After I finish eating."
Bette was in the backyard watching the stars as they peaked out from the smog. She knew she could only see the strongest stars, thanks to the lights of LA. She was in shorts and a tanktop, sipping a glass of iced tea. "Hey." Tim was standing beside her lawn chair.
She looked at him. "What's up?"
"Jenny is moving out tonight and I can't hang around over there..."
"Have a seat. Want a glass of tea?" She asked motioning towards one of the chairs.
He held up a bag. "I brought over a little something for us."
She smiled. "I could use one of those." He opened the bag and pulled a bottle from it. "Ohhh what rates the expensive stuff?"
"A night with a friend." He said sitting down. "You know Bette I've lived next to you for a while and we've talked and had dinners together." He looked at her. "But are we really friends?"
She took a drink of beer. "I have always thought so." She looked at him. "Didn't you?"
"I don't know. I guess so." He chuckled. "I guess there was a little part of me that thought lesbians could only be friends with other lesbians."
She laughed. "There's a strange remark." She took another drink. "But it tends to be that way."
"I like you Bette, always have. You remind me of someone I knew back home." He smiled. "He was my best friend growing up. He was killed in a car accident our senior year in high school."
"I'm sorry to hear that." She took a drink. "But I'm flattered you think of me like that."
"Look when I lost it over the whole Marina Jenny thing and then we sort of drifted." He shook his head. "Wasn't my intention."
"It's ok. Isn't that how it's supposed to be with friends. Forgive and forget?" She asked, downing the last drink. "At least, that's how it is with friends."
Jenny, Shane, Alice, Tina, and Dana were loading the last of Jenny's things when they heard a scream from next door, followed by a splash. They followed Jenny to the fence. She looked at Tina, "I can see everything that goes on in your back yard from here."
"Really?" Shane asked, looking a little guilty.
"Who's over there?" Dana asked. They looked, trying not to make noise. Dana could feel Alice's breathe on her neck and it was driving her crazy.
"Shhh." Tina said.
"Bette Porter, there is a wild side to you." A man's voice called as they heard someone coming out of the pool.
"Oh God." Jenny's eyes got big. "That's Tim."
Tim shook like a dog when he got out. "That was uncalled for." He laughed.
"No it wasn't." Bette's words were slurred. "That's what happens when you disagree with something I have to say." She stood a few feet away from him. She was barefoot and holding a bottle of wine in one hand.
Tina looked at Alice, then back at Bette. She thought Bette looked amazingly sexy, but it concerned her that Bette was so visibly drunk. Alice shrugged. "I didn't know they were such good friends." She whispered.
"Neither did I." Tina said back.
"I'm not allowed my own opinion?" He asked taking the bottle from her. He took a few slugs off it and handed it back.
"Not in my house." She laughed. "Do I sound like a parent?" She took a big drink. "Some parent I would have made. I couldn't control myself." She looked at Tim. "You know I think it was my fault. God was punishing me for not being able to gain control and Tina had to pay for it."
Tim looked serious at her for a minute. "You can't really think that Bette." He walked to her. "You made a mistake."
"Is that how you forgave Jenny?" Bette asked, looking at him.
He sighed. "It's easier to think that when it's not you I guess." He turned up the radio. "Dance with me. I haven't danced with a woman in sometime."
Bette took his hand and they started to dance. "You need to re learn how to dance." She pulled away from him.
"No, you just need to let me lead." He shook his head and pulled her back. "When's the last time you let a guy dance with you?"
"Prom!" She stated. She moved close to him and leaned on him for support. "Ugh, you're wet."
He laughed. "You're drunk."
She moved away from him and grabbed the wine bottle. "I am Bette Porter. I do not get drunk. I do not lose control. I do not lose myself." And with that she collapsed onto the patio in tears.
Tim moved quickly, he began to sober up. "Bette!"
"I have lost myself Tim. How do I find it again?" Was the last thing she said that anyone could understand.
The group who had been watching moved away from the fence. Alice looked at Tina. "You ok?"
Tina just nodded. "I have to work tomorrow. I had better get going." She said before taking off.
Alice looked at Dana. "This can't be good."
Bette sat in her office. Enjoying the peace and quiet. Her head hurt, her eyes hurt. She was surprised she had convinced herself to come in this morning. She had told them no calls up front and turned her cell phone on vibrate. It was currently buzzing across her desk. She picked it up and answered. "Hello?" She asked quietly.
"Hey!" Alice said loudly. "What are you doing for lunch?"
"Uh nothing. I'm not sure I'll be eating this afternoon." She spoke softly. Pulling the phone away from her ear a bit. "Did you talk to Dana yet?"
"Not exactly." Alice's voice softened. "But I'm thinking of asking her to have dinner with me."
Bette would have raised an eyebrow if she could have managed it. "Really? You asking someone else out?"
"I do that... sometimes." Alice mumbled. She remembered her purpose for calling. "Are you sure you wouldn't want a big greasy plate of a hamburger and fries? Or something like that?"
Bette grimaced. "No thanks." There was a loud knock on her door. "I've got to go, someone is here." She hung up and hoped she looked alive. "Yes?"
The door opened and Tina stepped in. She hadn't seen Tina in a few weeks, and despite the way she felt, her heart leaped. "Hi." Tina said softly.
She looked at Tina, who was dressed in a casual suit. "Hi."
Tina sat down in one of the chairs. "I think we need to talk."
Bette nodded. "Here or somewhere else?" She asked, trying to forget her headache.
"Not now. Just soon." Tina looked at Bette. Her eyes had bags under them and she looked pale. She knew she was recovering from a hangover, but it was more than that. Bette was in pain. "I want you to know now. There is no guarantee that I can forgive you." She saw Bette wince in pain. "But I want to try. I want to talk and figure out what we can do. If anything." She looked at her hand, minus the ring. "But the truth is Bette Porter, I love you. No matter how much I have been hurt, that will never change. I've spent these last weeks trying to hate you, and I just can't." Tears fell down Tina's cheeks.
Bette stood, unstable on her feet, and made her way to Tina's side. She knelt and wiped away the tears. "Tina, I never meant..." She looked into Tina's eyes. "If I could take it back I would." She touched Tinas' face, gently. "I love you Tina. More than anything."
Tina leaned in to kiss Bette when the door opened. "I've been thinking about what you said." Candace said standing there.
Bette looked from Tina to Candace, she couldn't speak. She felt a wave of dizziness come over her. "What?" Was all she could manage.
Candace looked at Tina, who couldn't believe what she was seeing. Bette was playing her for a fool. Anger flashed in her eyes. "You two deserve each other!" Tina yelled. She looked at Bette on the floor. "Your words mean nothing to me. There will be no talking. It's over!" She screamed, before pushing past Candace and out the door.
Bette suddenly found herself on the floor. She couldn't believe the scene that had just played out in front of her. What had happened? She looked at Candace. "Leave me alone." She began to cry in a way no one had ever seen Bette Porter cry, save one.
Kit had seen the whole thing from the crack in the door. She know stepped in and looked at Candace. "You get the fuck outta here. You don't belong here." Kit got in her face. "She doesn't need anything you've got."
Ivan stepped in. "Look, uh, Candace is it? Bette is having some problems and I think it's best to let those who know her help her."
"What the fuck do any of you know about it." Candace glared at Ivan. She turned towards Bette. She hadn't meant to cause any trouble. She had just wanted to talk to her.
"I do not want to have to forcibly remove you from the premises, but I will." Ivan said calmly. Her look left no room for discussion.
Candace looked at Kit, then Ivan. "This is none of your business." She looked at Bette. "Bette, I'm so sorry. I'll call you."
Bette didn't hear the exchange, nor did she hear when Ivan excused herself to make sure Candace found the exit. But she was suddenly aware of arms encircling her on the floor. They were the same arms that were around her the day her mother left her. The last time she let life get to her. The day she swore no one would hurt her like that again. Her stomach hurt from the sobs, and yet she could not stop.
"Shhh, baby girl. It's ok." Kit held her tightly. Afraid of what Bette might do. Flash backs of that day 30 + years ago went through her mind.
The door was slightly ajar to her sister's room. Kit entered to see if Bette had a few bucks to spare. She found Bette on the floor with their father's gun and the note her mother had left. Kit froze. She watched twelve year old Bette examine the gun. That's right, Kit remembered it was Bette's birthday today. She moved quickly, as Bette moved the gun towards herself. Kit slammed hard into her sister, knocking the gun away. "What the Fuck do you think you're doing?"
Bette looked at her sister. "What do you care?"
Kit grabbed her sister tightly. "I do care, you little brat!"
"It's not your mother and it doesn't effect your drinking or drugging." Bette glared at her. "You can't remember my birthday, or to be home at Christmas. I can't even find you to talk about school or to ask your advice. You're not my sister, you're barely a member of the human race!" Bette screamed.
Kit, for once, put aside her feelings and selfish intents and pulled her sister even tighter. They fell to the floor, Kit never once letting go. "You yell all you want. Let it out."
Bette had sat there yelling at her sister, anything she could think of to get her to let go. And finally when nothing worked, her anger turned to pain, and she sobbed, horrible gut wrenching sobs. And through it all Kit stayed and held her, singing soft and sweet songs.
Kit sighed. She knew Bette barely remembered that day. Bette had a way of tucking the pain and bad times deep inside her. She began to rock Bette slowly. "It's gonna be ok baby girl. It will." She said softly. She started to sing softly.
Tina flew into the house and slammed the door behind her. Dana looked up. "Tina?"
Tina looked at Dana. "She tells me that she wants to make up. She wants to talk she wants... That's all she thinks about... what she wants. She wants to have us both." She was practically screaming. Alice entered the house in the middle of the rant. And exchanged looks with Dana.
Tina looked at Alice. "I'm sitting there, looking at her. Loving her, I was ready to give in to her." Her eyes flashed with rage, "And then her little..... bimbo walks in and ruins her whole plan." Tina laughed a hard cold laugh, that unnerved Alice and Dana. "I wonder if she ever cared for me."
Alice took a step towards her. "Tina, what happened?"
"Bette." She practically spit the name from her lips. "She is still seeing that bitch. And she was trying to convince me to come back to her. That she loved me. You don't do that to someone when you love them." Tears began to flow from her eyes.
"Maybe you misunderstood." Alice tried.
Tina's eyes flashed. "I was there when she walked in. We were so close ... and then that bitch walks in and starts talking to my Bette. " The tears were coming harder now, she was practically sobbing. "She doesn't love me." And with that she went down. Alice quickly caught her and she, with the help of Dana, moved her to the couch.
"Shhh." Alice said rubbing her head and stroking her hair. "Tina it's all gonna be ok." She looked at Dana. She didn't know how to help.
A few days later, Tina sat across from Eric and the others at legal. "I volunteer to go to New York."
Eric raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
Tina nodded. She was tired of being hurt and a change of scenery might be just what she needed. Matter of fact she was thinking it might be time to see what living in New York was like. Even if it was for a few months. Maybe she could sublet something and even find work there when this project was over. "I think I should be the one to talk to them. It's my project."
Eric sighed. He wished he knew what was going on. "Ok. Then you're going to need to leave by the end of the week."
"Not a problem, I can be ready whenever you need me to be. Make the appointments." Tina stood. "Thank you for the update gentlemen." She looked at Eric. "Thank you for not arguing."
"No problem," He said as the others filed out. "I'm here if you need to talk."
"I'm done talking." She said coolly. "Talking gets you nowhere."
Alice stood on the doorstep of Bette's house. She had been trying to see all sides of the issue, but with Tina's breakdown a few days ago, and the fact that Bette hadn't broken it off with Candace made her angry. She was going to tell Bette just what she thought of her. She rang the door bell and was surprised when Kit answered.
"Alice." Kit said rather coolly.
"Hey Kit. Is uh Bette here? I've been trying to reach her for days now." Alice looked pasted Kit into the house.
"Yeah she's here, she's just not up for conversations." Kit looked exhausted.
Alice frowned. "Why is that?"
Kit sighed. "Look, She's not doing so hot right now."
Alice tried to stay angry. "Oh yeah? You should see Tina."
Kit shook her head. "I'm sure Tina's upset, and I tried to call her. What went down is not what Tina thinks she saw." Kit motioned for Alice to come in.
They walked into the livingroom together and sat down on the couch. The house was clean and things looked like they always have. But it didn't feel the same, and that worried Alice. "What do you mean it's not what Tina thinks?"
"Now, as I saw it, Tina and Bette were having a moment. Then the next thing I see is that bitch walking in and destroying it. Tina jumped to a conclusion that things had not changed." Kit picked up her glass of Pepsi and took a sip. How badly she had wanted a drink lately.
"Now, wait. You're saying Candace and Bette were over? Are over?" Alice asked.
Kit nodded. "Yes. Bette was trying to do it before Tina found out. And she had done it before she had attempted to talk to Tina. She was trying to set it all straight. But that woman just won't give up. She's called here twice."
"OH Shit!" Alice picked up her phone and hit the speed dial. "Dana?"
"Yeah?"
"Dana, don't let her go. Make her stay." Alice said quickly. "Take her back to your house and I will be there in a little bit. Tell her I have news that might change everything."
"OK." Dana sighed. "What's the news?"
"I'll tell you later." Alice said before hanging up. She looked at Kit. "Not that I don't trust you or Bette, but it's all true, right? They are done?"
Kit looked at Alice, slightly annoyed. "Girl, I would not lie to you about this."
"Kit?" A very faint voice asked as a rumpled, hollow version of Bette stumbled out from the hallway. She looked at Alice. "Say whatever you need to say to me, then let me be." Her voice was hoarse and pained.
Alice stood, tears in her eyes at the sight of her dearest friend. "Oh Bette." She moved and took Bette in her arms. "I'm so sorry. I ended up taking sides and that's not what I wanted to do."
Bette put her arms around Alice. "It's ok. I deserve anything I get."
"No. No not this. It was a mistake, a misunderstanding." Alice felt the weakness in Bette, she saw the sorrow.
Bette looked at Kit. "What do I do?" She had asked this question many times of her sister over the past few days. She was broken. And she didn't know how to fix herself.
"Right now you get something to eat." Kit said. Bette shook her head. "Please baby girl, eat something. At least some broth." She pointed to the kitchen. "Ivan brought you some soup. It's there on the stove."
Bette looked at the kitchen. "For you I'll have a little."
Kit smiled at her. "That a girl." She waited until Bette was in the kitchen. "Alice, I don't know how much more this can go on. She has hit the bottom. This is worse than when her mother left."
Alice looked at Kit. "Why? What happened then?"
Kit looked at her. "Lets just say there was serious therapy involved."
Tina was glaring at Dana. "I'm going to miss my plane." She had pushed Eric to make plans for her to leave that evening.
"Look. Alice said it was important. And if it's not, I'll buy you a new plane ticket... first class." Dana said quickly.
"I have work to do in New York." Tina was sitting on the couch like a child. Arms folded in front of her, lips pouty and her eyes set on a glare.
Alice came into the livingroom of Dana's house. "What you think you saw, was not what you saw." She blurted.
Tina looked at her. "What?"
"Candace and Bette were over long before you went to visit her." Alice moved towards Tina. "Bette was telling you the truth. She loves you."
Tina looked at Alice. She wouldn't lie to her, or deceive her in anyway. "How do you know this?"
"I went to Bette's. Kit was there. She told me what happened. And Bette, God , Bette." Alice looked pained.
Tina felt her heart tighten. "What about Bette?"
Alice knew in order to keep Tina from leaving she had to tell her the truth. "She's fallen apart. She's a shadow of herself."
Tina looked at Alice. "How do you mean?" She asked slowly.
"She came into the livingroom, and she looked like a stranger to me. Her eyes were dull and pained, there were bags under her eyes, like she hasn't slept in days. She looked...." Alice hadn't wanted to admit it, let alone say it. "Broken."
Tina had never thought anything could break Bette Porter. She looked at Dana. "I still have to go to New York." Was all she could think to say.
Dana and Alice felt like someone had kicked them. This was the end of Bette and Tina. "I'll call and get you a ticket." Dana mumbled.
Tina looked at them. "I'll be back once business is done there. I have things that need to be addressed here." She looked at Alice. "I just need time. Time I was promised." She said softly.
Bette stood in the bathroom. She had just heard Kit talking to Dana. Tina was gone. And there was nothing she could do. She looked at herself in the mirror. The person staring back at her was no one she knew. Tears fell from her eyes without effort. She continued to look in the mirror. "Who am I? What am I?" She tried to imagine life before that horrible night. Before Provocations, before the baby. Her heart missed Tina. Her body. "What do I really want?" She looked at the pills on the counter, the razor by the tub. She closed her eyes. Did she really want to die?
"No." Her voice was soft and weak. "No, I do not want to die." It was the first firm decision she had made in weeks. "I want me back." She thought about Tina. "I want us back too."
Kit was watching TV with Ivan. Bette looked at them cuddled together. She didn't know what was between them. She knew Ivan made her sister happy. And for now, that made her feel a bit of hope. She hated interrupting them, but she knew it was now or never. She stepped into the livingroom. "Kit?"
Kit looked up at her sister. "What's wrong?"
Bette swallowed anything she had left of her pride and fear. "I want me back." Tears flowed from her eyes. "I need help."