DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, but I sure wish someone had consulted me before they aired "Ghost." So many scenes with so much lost potential.
SPOILERS: A missing scene from "Ghost." If you haven't seen the episode go out right now, find it and watch it (at least the last 20 minutes).
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Kissing a Ghost
By tremblingmoon
"…and at night when we're in bed together he whispers my name…Emily."
Olivia was near tears. Finally, here was Alex, her Alex, and she was telling her this heartbreaking story of a "good man" she could never love, who could never make her happy, and it was tearing Olivia apart. She wasn't sure what hurt more. Alex's distress or her own selfish desire to keep this incredibly gorgeous woman—although she had never been hers to begin with—for herself. For Alex, Olivia would gladly give up her life, move to Wisconsin, or where-the-fuck ever, give up her identity and drown herself in that silky blonde hair forever. Of course, that was just a fantasy. Olivia knew that even if Alex were interested she would never allow Olivia to give up her position in SVU; she knew too well the pain of not being able to do the job you were born to do. And besides, Alex was talking to her as a friend, not the long-lost lover she wished she were.
Alex sniffled and Olivia looked up into eyes of such intense, shimmering blue that for a moment she forgot where she was and what she was supposed to be doing. And then she remembered—serve and protect, serve and protect—saw the tears blurring the edges of Alex's eyes, and Olivia reached gently for her shoulder. Alex's arm seemed to burn under her fingertips and as Olivia pulled her into a hug, she felt a tremble shudder down Alex's slight frame. With Olivia holding her tightly, pressed against her breasts, Alex let go, tears rolling down her face, chest heaving and whimpering slightly. Olivia held her, brought her fingers up to gently slide them through her blonde hair. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but Olivia's breath caught at the overwhelming softness and at the scent of rosemary and mint that drifted from the strands sliding through her fingers.
"Oh Alex…" It was out of her mouth before she could think better of it and she said it in a whisper, like a prayer meant to wipe away any traces of the Good Man in Wisconsin whispering "Emily" in the dark to her brokenhearted Alex.
Alex disentangled herself slowly from Olivia's arms. "Liv?" At first Olivia thought Alex wanted a clarification of her slip, but then she saw the look in Alex's eyes, still wet and rimmed with red. They were filled with desire, with hope, and before Olivia could speak or move Alex had leaned towards her and placed her lips lightly against hers.
Alex tasted like tears and raspberry lip balm and Olivia pressed herself against her, wrapping her arms tightly around her former ADA's waist. They kissed cautiously at first—like kissing a ghost, Olivia thought fleetingly, before driving all the agonizing thoughts of Alex's certain departure out of her mind. Olivia's tongue grazed Alex's lower lip and she parted her lips with a whimper that made Olivia's knees weak and her hands hot. And then her tongue was skimming the surface of Alex's mouth, flicking hot against her lips and tongue. They kissed like this for long minutes, pressed against each other and leaning on the cool hotel window, desire and fear mingling together and flowing freely through their bodies.
Alex was the first to break the kiss. She pulled from Olivia with some difficulty, head hung low. She shook her head, "What have we done?"
Olivia started. She knew that there was no way Alex hadn't been just as invested in that kiss as she had been. She could feel it in the way the blonde's body had arched into hers, hands straining and warm on her back and running through her short hair.
"What?" Alex looked up at her, a small smile on her face.
"For years we worked together. We flirted. At least I did, and I'd like to think I wasn't reading you completely wrong." Olivia shook her head—she had definitely been flirting too, all the time, but she didn't think that Alex had noticed. "But we thought we had all the time in the world. And then I 'died' and I barely got to say goodbye to you and there was no way for me to tell you how I felt. It hurts so much to be with Daniel, not just because I'm not who he thinks I am, but because all I've ever wanted is you. What have we done? We had years to be together and we wasted them with casual flirting and now our time is up."
"You'll be back Alex, don't worry. I won't lose you again." Olivia breathed in deeply to stave off her tears while she watched Alex straighten out to her full height as slowly her prosecutor's mask—the powerful, determined look Olivia used to revel in—slipped back into place.
"This won't do…I have a hearing tomorrow. And I don't even know what makes this guy tick."
"You didn't see this file, okay?" As Olivia handed her the file that could easily get the detective fired or possibly indicted, she stroked her fingers along Alex's wrist. "I'm not letting you go so easily this time."
Alex glanced up at her, eyes lost and sad, before sitting down on the couch and burying herself in the profile of a killer, of her attempted murder. She was determined to see him behind bars…or in the chair. Olivia curled up on the bed closest to door, watching Alex, gun at her side. Serve and protect.
When she was done reading Alex smiled gratefully at Olivia, "You're amazing, you know that, Liv? So dedicated, so compassionate, and…so beautiful." She closed the curtains and undressed calmly, impervious to Olivia's gaze practically burning into her skin. She laid her suit and stockings and shirt on the couch before modestly turning around to take off her bra and put on a night shirt. Olivia could do nothing but stare, and then looking down with some discomfort—both embarrassment and something more—when Alex turned to face her.
She heard Alex walk over to her and felt a hand on her arm. Olivia looked up to see a small grin playing on Alex's lips. "Scoot over." Olivia moved dutifully to the middle of the bed and Alex leaned over, placing a light kiss on her lips, before pulling back the covers, turning her back to the detective and laying down, molding her back and legs against the front of Olivia's body.
They spent the night curled into each other, Alex asleep, heavy and real, if only for this moment, and Olivia alert and watchful with tears glistening on her cheeks, occasionally pressing her nose into the blonde woman's hair and whispering her name. "Alex…"
The End