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SPOILERS: Season Two
I is for Isolation
By Jaina
Alicia feels carved into little pieces, something different for everyone, even as she tries to remain wholly herself. It's a matter of answering demands, seeing what's necessary and doing what must be done to keep her family safe, her children happy.
The worst part of it is the way that it makes her feel - like she can trust no one, because everyone has their own agenda. Not Peter surely, he broke that trust long ago, even if it had taken her more time to realize that. From him she guards her heart.
Will seems easier, friendly and supportive, but he holds in his hands the power to ruin her. It doesn't mean much to her, not after Peter brought her world down around her, but if she loses her job then her family loses her only income. From him she guards her body.
Carey slipped past her defenses at some point - or the first layer at least. He's ruthless, cold-heartedly practical but there's light and goodness in him and somewhere along the way Alicia became fond of him. But she never forgets that what links them is a no-holds-competition, corporate bloodsport. From him she guards her mind.
Kalinda is the biggest enigma in Alicia's life, more than what Peter might or might not have done. Alicia has no idea of what truly motivates Kalinda. Alicia's never been to Kalinda's home and knows next to nothing about her life outside of work - if Kalinda has one. But of all the people in her life, it's Kalinda she trusts most of all, because Kalinda makes no demands, she simply accepts what Alicia is willing to offer. She doesn't push for more or scoff at less. She makes Alicia feel comfortable, even when she's asking questions that make Alicia want to squirm.
Kalinda is what she needs, so Alicia hangs on to what they have determinedly, knowing that when she truly needs her Kalinda will be there, not to save her from the world, but from herself.
The End