DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the fabulous Ilene Chaiken & showtime.
SPOILERS: Spoilers include all of season 1, leaning heavily on the season finale.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written in Tina & Bette's pov, enjoy!
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

How Tina Must Have Felt
By Naomi

Chapter Six

I can't believe how excited I am. I've been in and out of the bathroom for an hour now and I still don't feel like I look good enough. Alice's bedroom floor is littered with garments that just haven't made the grade. I want Bette to want me, to really, really want me. I stand infront of the mirror in a sheer black dress that cuts off at my chest and continues until above my kneese where it slits at the sides to reveal some leg. I look at my reflection in the mirror. A few days ago I looked like a mess. My face gaunt, my blue eyes darkened by the underlining bags. Now I seem to glow, Bette's always been able to do that to me.

"You look great" Alice tells me standing in the doorway.

"You think it's too much?"

"What? No way you look gorgeous. Heads are going to turn. You're going to have Bette eating out of your hand" I grin fixing my hair one last time.

"I hope so" I tell her tearing myself away from the mirror.

"Tina you skank! You're trying to get some!" Alice squeals.

"I am not!" I lie. "Besides am I not allowed to get some from my wife?"

"Of course you are, just make sure she knows how lucky she is"

"I think she knows Alice"

Moments later we're in Alice's car. Dana and Shane are in the back, and I know that they're here to give me moral support. I wonder whether I need it? I don't feel the tension or the awkwardness anymore. I know what she did but I forgive her for it. I have to because the longer I hold onto it the more bitter I'll become. I don't want that life for us.

"Feeling ok T?" Shane asks in that effortlessly tranquil way that she always does.

"She's feeling more than ok" Alice comments with a wink.

"Is that so?" Dana teases. I glare at all of them.

"Ignore them T they're just jealous because they haven't had the chance to get any action. Alice is just dying to get her apartment back, isn't that right Dana?" Dana blushes and I'm surprised to find that so does Alice. Before I can ask them what that's supposed to mean we've reached the car park to Milk. I've got butterflies that feel like birds in my stomach.

"Ready?" Alice asks, I nod smiling. Shane wraps a supportive arm around my shoulder while Alice and Dana walk through the club doors side by side.

There's not too many people tonight, and I'm grateful for it. I don't want to have to spend hours looking through a mob to get to Bette, only to find that I have to scream conversation at her.

She's sat at the bar beside Kit and Ivan. Even the back of her makes goose bumps rise on my skin. The suit is once again absent and from what I can make out she's dressed in black trousers and a white backless top. The sight of her exposed skin makes me want to touch her. I remind myself, as we walk over to her, that I'm in a public place and that I'm supposed to be taking things slowly. She turns around to face me, smiling, grinning, my heart feels heavy in my chest and I just know that I must look like an idiot, a moron standing here with my jaw practically touching the floor. I just want to touch her.

"You look beautiful" She whispers gliding towards me.

"I'm not the only one" She leans in to kiss my cheek but I give her my lips. If I didn't kiss her then I'd have to drag her into the bathroom. It has been weeks. Everybody looks at me in shock but I just shrug it off.

"Baby sister do not just let her stand there, buy your wife a drink" Kit practically orders. God I missed Kit. Kit is always Kit no matter what the situation is. "And you come give me a hug" I except her invitation and hug her tightly. Kit doesn't just feel like Bette's sister.

"It's been far too long" I tell her.

She looks at Bette and then she looks at me "Yeah it has" She says. Bette hands me a glass of wine. I mouth a thank you before taking a sip.

"Lets get a table" Alice suggests walking over to one before anybody has a chance to choose otherwise. I walk slowly beside Bette our arms swinging uselessly by our sides. Bette takes my hands but she's so nervous that I'll pull away that she can't even look at me. I squeeze her hand reassuringly.

We sit down at a booth and it feels like old times. Shane wandering off in the distance with some young beauty, Alice and Dana practically glued to each other, Kit and Ivan dancing to the loud thumping music, Jenny and Marina gazing at each other intensely while they pretend not to be, and then Bette and I looking at each other like we need to make the most of it, like Bette thinks she has to make the most of it. "I took a few weeks off work" Bette explains, my hand on her knee. "I thought...I mean I wondered if maybe we could spend sometime together?"

"I'd love that. Maybe we could go away somewhere"

I move closer to her, she breathes in and then she breathes out.

"That would be great. Do you want another drink?" She asks gesturing to my empty glass.

"Sure" She nods dipping her head shyly. I want to kiss Bette right now and I don't ever want to stop. I watch her fetching my drink. The way she moves, the way she smiles, the way she looks at me. She's changed. I've changed. We have both changed for the better. I want to go home with Bette. I've been thinking about it for a while now. But it's been like a mental struggle to decided whether or not I should.

A part of me is saying that I'm going too fast, that she still needs to grow, but then another part of me, a bigger part of me, is saying that I've already waited too long, and that even if I waited years she wouldn't be able to grow unless I was there. We both need to grow together.

"Here we go. Sorry I took so long Kit wouldn't let me go" She places two wine glasses on the table.

"She misses you" I take a sip from the glass.

"Actually she was giving me advice"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Baby sister do not screw up this chance. Tina is a princess and you need to treat her like one. She's right" She says almost guiltily. I laugh at her imitation of Kit.

"I've been thinking" She gulps and her face changes in a way that tells me she's expecting the worst. "I want to come home. If that's ok with you" Her mouth drops open.

"You want to come home?" I nod and she looks at me in awe. "Really?"

"I really want to come home Bette" She pulls me to her and kisses me instinctively. Her lips linger against mine, and I know I've made the right decision. "T you don't know how happy this makes me" She gushes.

"Trust me Bette I do"

Chapter Seven

My heart hasn't stopped beating since we arrived at Milk, but hearing Tina tell me that she wants to come home, I can't explain how that makes me feel. Kit was right. I am so goddamned lucky. I can't believe that tonight I get to go home with my baby. I get to be with T. Trust me when I say I am completely blown away. I never in my wildest dreams expected the outcome of this night to be so good. Though good hardly seems the word I should use. Mind blowingly incredible isn't even enough.

I clutch Tina to me tightly. I don't want to let her go. I've tried but I psychically cannot do it. She doesn't seem to mind. Every so often she looks at me and my heart melts. "When do you think we can leave?" She asks.

"Whenever you want to baby" I assure her snatching a brief kiss. I can do that now, touch her without having to think a thousand times about it. She smiles seductively, her eyes coming alive.

"I think we should go now" Her voice is filled with lust. She wants me. I swallow the knot in my throat. Yep you are one lucky woman Bette Porter. We both giggle as we slide out of the booth holding hands. We walk over to Dana and Alice. There's something so weird about the two of them. Their heads are lowered, their faces close. "Al I'm gonna go home with Bette" Alice and Dana break out into smiles.

"I told you, you were trying to get some" She nods to Dana "I told her she was..."

"Trying to get some, yeah" Dana confirms.

"Thanks very much Alice. Now why don't you and Dana go home and try and get some?" Tina teases. Dana shrinks in her chair again and Alice glares at Tina.

"You are so lucky that you're going home with Bette"

Tina smiles "Yep I am. I'll call you tomorrow Al"

We say our good-byes and head for the exit passing Kit, and Shane on our way. They all look so excited, and I I have to admit it touches me that T and I mean that much to them.

It's cold tonight and Tina shivers as soon as we step outside. I hug her, stroking warmth into her bare arms and shoulders. What started off as keeping her warm turns into arousal, my hands start to caress instead of massage. "Where's your car?" She rasps.

I cup her face in my hands tracing circles across her cheeks with my thumbs. "Not far" My voice matches hers and I can feel the heat rising between us.

"Drive me home...quickly" I take hold of her hand and we practically drag each other to my car. I unlock it opening the door for her. She climbs in and I run around to the other side. I climb in shutting the door behind me. Seat belt, keys, and we're gone.

Tina and I don't talk for the entire journey and I'm wracked with worry. Maybe she's changed her mind? Maybe she'll get there and she'll want to go back to Alice. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I pull up outside of her house, glancing warily at Tina. She still doesn't speak. I search my memory for a time I could have offended her, came on too strongly. I can't think of anything. Everytime I was kissing T, she was definitely kissing me back.

We walk up to the front door, the gap between us more than noticeable. I've fucking blown it. I want to ask her what's wrong, but I don't think I really want to find out. So I stay silent. I unlock the door, wait for her to go in before following her. "T is everything..." She pushes me against the wall her lips burning into mine, her hands slipping under my halter top. She touches me and I'm wet. She kisses me, and I feel like I'm already gone. I kiss her back, my hands finding a home in her thick blonde hair. She pulls away from me, and we're both breathing heavily. Her chest rises and falls against mine.

"I want you to make love to me in our bed" She whispers. A groan escapes my lips. I would crawl up those stairs on my hands and kneese if she asked me to.

"Oh god T" She holds my hand, leading me up the stairs.

We reach the landing and I unzip her dress, she continues to walk and slowly it falls to the ground. I drink in the sight of her in nothing but her black panties. I take in those legs, those breasts, that backside. I want to kiss every inch of her. She unbuttons the single button keeping my top up, I lift my arms up in the air, and she pulls it up and off of me. She stares at me hungrily.

We enter the bedroom. I gently push her onto the bed so that she's lying on her back. "I'm going to make you feel so good" I whisper moving onto the bed beside her. Our lips meet again, our bodies embrace. I can feel her breasts against mine, her hands stroking the length of my back. I brush my tongue against hers, moving ontop of her. I slide my hands down, from her neck I move to her breasts. I cup them in my hands, feeling her erect under my touch. I'm addicted to the way she's reacting to my touch. I press butterfly kisses to her neck, my hand moving down to her stomach, skimming the sides of her ribs and resting against her pelvis. I hook my fingers under her panties and pull them down, kissing my way to her ankles. I unzip my trousers dragging them down with my lingerie. Our clothes fall in a pile on the floor. So many times I've dreamed about having her here, and I still can't believe that she's within my reach. I kiss her with all the passion I feel and she responds immediately. Our bodies connect and we both groan at the contact. Flesh on flesh. "Bette..." She groans. I look into her eyes and they've never been so deep.

"...Bette I can't..." I circle her nipple bringing my lips to it. I'm rewarded with another groan. She squirms under my touch. "...I want us to touch each other, at the same time" I breath in deeply. When we were trying for a baby, and that guy came back to our house, when he was gone we made love like we never had before. She made love to me while I made love to her and we came together. God I want that too. She sits up and our bodies come together again. We kiss slowly, our hands exploring each others bodies until we can't take the teasing anymore. It's been so long since I touched her, really touched her. I cup her sex with my hand, and she does the same. We both gasp. She's so wet, and I'm so wet, I just know that she'll touch me and I'll burst. I feel her hands slide inside of me.

"Baby" I gasp into her ear. My fingers move easily in-between her thighs. I can feel the heat of her want and I'm drowning in her. We're both moving and writhing and gasping and touching. It's like everything turns into a rhythm. The way our fingers move in and out of each other, the way our lips touch and then barely touch. I can feel so much building up inside of me.

Everything that's happened between us is hitting me as I make love to her and she makes love to me. I can feel her love her want, I can feel all my worries and hers slipping away. Our bodies stiffen at the same time, and we gasp loudly with release. I'm holding her tight riding out the waves of pleasure, and I don't know, until I feel her damp cheeks, that I'm crying. I almost lost Tina, and realisation hits me harder than my orgasm. "I love you" I whisper my voice cracking with emotion. She looks at me, our faces barely an inch apart, her cheeks flushed her eyes satisfied. She wipes away my tears.

"I love you too" She pushes me down onto my back and pulls the covers over us, snuggling close to me.

As I lay here in her arms it's all I can think. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Chapter Eight

The sun struggles through the blinds, lighting the whole room with a warm glow. I've been awake for a while now, just watching Bette sleep in my arms. She looks so peaceful, so beautiful. I still can't believe that I'm actually here. I still cannot believe how good last night felt.

Yesterday, when I was changing in the mirror, I thought about the consequences of going home with Bette. I knew that there was just no way that I could come home and just talk, and yet while we were making love that's what it felt like. Like Bette was opening up to me with her actions rather than her words. What happened last night will stay with me forever. After we came together and she sobbed into my cheeks, I knew that there was no way I was waking up tomorrow with regrets.

She stirs under my embrace. Her eyes flicker open adorably, they close and then they shoot open again. I guess she can't believe I'm here either. "Hey you" She whispers, smiling lovingly. I smile back at her, shuffling closer.

"Hey. Good sleep?" Her arm slides around my waist.

"Best sleep. First real sleep I've had in weeks"

"Me too" I agree, running my hands through her soft hair.

"About last night, I need you to know it was...it was amazing. I don't know why I cried" She tells me, blushing with embarrassment.

"You don't have to explain it Bette I understand"

I kiss her until the worry and embarrassment disappears from her face. She rests her head against mine kissing my neck. I feel all the arousal from last night return immediately. "Did you really take time off from work?" I ask some what absently drawing invisible patterns on her bare stomach with my fingertips.

"Uh huh"

"I think that's the first time you've done that since we moved in here" I tease.

"Well then I guess I'll just have to make up for it. I am going to take you wherever you want to go, and then I am going to spoil you rotten" She kisses the spot behind my ear, trailing her tongue to my earlobe and gently nibbling on it.

"I really like the sound of that" I try to make my voice seductive but it comes out rough with need.

"Where do you want to go?" She asks releasing my earlobe and kissing my cheek.

"I want to go somewhere quiet where we can just be together. But somewhere romantic aswell. It could be like a second honeymoon. We didn't really have much of a first"

"We should ask Alice, if there's a place to be she knows where it is" I nod in agreement.

"I need to go back to Alice's later"

"Oh ok. I mean I understand, you want to take your time" She says crestfallen.

"No I don't. I want to pick up all of my stuff. Will you drive me there later?"

"Of course!" She smiles happily. I smile with her. Bette is so cute right now. I see these changes in her and I can't get enough. I mean it, I don't know what I'm going to do when she finally goes back to work. I just know I'll be at work counting down the seconds until I'm with her. She sits up kissing me before she climbs off of the bed. "I need to pee" She explains. She disappears out of the room and the phone begins to ring. I know before I even look at the caller id that it's Alice. She always has such perfect timing.

"Oh Bette" I groan. "That's it, there...Oh, oh!" I gasp.

"I know you're faking it. When you're with someone for seven years you don't have to give them directions"

I laugh "You're right, I'm a terrible liar"

"I'm always right. So how was it?"

"How was what?"

"How was the sex T" She practically demands.

"Well it was..." I search for a word. Good, definitely not, amazing, we've used that already.

"That good huh? Well I'm jealous. And this morning? Things still good?"

"They're better than good. I never thought I could be this happy again Al. Waking up with her this morning..." I sigh "...I can't explain it. It's like I've fallen in love with her all over again"

"Awwh Tina you old romantic. I demand you come to the planet for brunch to gloat. Everyone is going to be so happy"

"I think I can drag her away for a few hours. Al I want to thank you for everything. I don't think Bette and I would be together now if you hadn't taken care of me" She doesn't say anything and I know it's because she's composing herself before she speaks.

"That means alot to me T. I'm just relieved to see the two of you back together again. I'll ring the gang and tell them to meet us later"

"Ok Al, bye"

She hangs up and I put the phone down to find Bette leaning against the door frame. She looks strange gazing at me. "That's exactly how I feel T. I just know that we're going to start our life all over again and it's going to be better"

She almost runs into my outstretched arms. "I know baby"

"Oh and T?"

I look up from the soft cushion of her hair. "Yeah?"

"That is not how you sound when we're having sex"

Chapter Nine

We're stood outside the door to the planet kissing. It's taken us hours to get here, to even get out of the house. We showered together because we both knew that if Tina showered alone I'd end up joining her. I've changed my outfit countless number of times. Every piece of clothing I put on seemed to turn Tina on even more. I would change my trousers and seconds later they'd lie on the floor too crumpled to wear. But I can't say that I mind. I'm just as bad as T. Heavy petting session in the car, all my fault.

"Mmm" Tina hums kissing my cheek. "Maybe we should just go back home?" She giggles. I stroak the sides of her arms. I want to play our wardrobe game again.

She's dressed in a thin black sweater that slopes down at the front to reveal cleavage, and a denim skirt that cruely seems to deny me the sight of those legs that were wrapped around mine only moments ago. I want her all over again.

"We should go inside quickly. I need to learn how to be around you without wanting to rip your clothes off"

"You had better not" She warns playfully. Our lips meet and I trail my tongue across her bottom lip.

"Ladies" Alice coughs. Alice, Dana, and Shane stand in a line chuckling like naughty school girls.

"Put her down Tina before you get yourself into trouble"

Tina sticks her tongue out. "I don't have to put you down right baby?" She coos, cuddling up to me.

"Of course not" I whisper planting a kiss on her lips.

"Look at you guys" Shane remarks wistfully.

"Kissing and groping" Dana adds.

"Hey she's my wife I'm entitled to feel the merchandise" Tina protests.

"Well lets get you two something to eat. They're in that living off of love phase" Alice suggests ushering us inside.

We sit at our usual table, but for once I'm not rushing off leaving Tina alone while I spend all day at work. Tina immediately begins chatting to Alice, and Dana. I watch her. I look at Tina and I'm so proud of her. She's practically dragged us through this.

Tina is without a doubt the better half of our relationship. I bring my lips to Tina's briefly, pressing a kiss to her temple before reluctantly pulling away. I feel somebody looking at me and I look up to find Shane studying me curiously. For some reason out of all of our friends I think Shane is the most relieved that Tina and I are back together again.

She smiles at me, and I smile back.

"So Bette and I were talking about taking a holiday" Tina begins.

"A holiday! Great idea. I'm thinking of Italy. Dana, Shane?" Alice asks. I grimace. Tina and I never discussed bringing our friends along. I see the flicker of excitement in Tina's eyes at the prospect and then watch it fade into disappointment.

"Actually Al..."

"I don't like the idea of Italy" I pipe in. "I'll be tempted by all of that art" I add hugging Tina reassuringly. Whatever Tina wants I'm going to give her.

"So a holiday. I'll have to clear it first" Dana says.

"Just tell them it's a family emergency. A relative passed away or something" Alice suggests.

Dana gapes in shock. "Alice!"

Alice shrugs and rolls her eyes "So what kind of a holiday were you thinking of? Hot, cold?" Alice asks.

"Definitely somewhere hot, right Bette?"

I gaze at her lovingly. "Of course baby. I told you anything you want, no expenses spared" She giggles excitedly. I haven't seen her this excited since I asked her to marry me. She rewards me with an eskimo kiss and how obvious is it that she's got me eating out of the palm of her hand and she doesn't even seem to know it?

"Oh I can't wait!" She squeals."We didn't have a very good honeymoon because we didn't have time, so Bette and I are going to make the most of this"

"A second honeymoon? Are you sure you don't mind us tagging along?" Shane asks. I wrap my arm around Tina's neck, and she looks up at me for reassurance.

"Of course not, wouldn't be a holiday without you"

"So where are we thinking then?" Alice asks.

"Maybe we should let them pick Al" Shane points out.

"We want somewhere quiet Alice. This is all about relaxation"

"I hear you" Alice assures me.

Tina snuggles closer to me "I always wanted to go to Barbados" Tina says. "When I was in college a friend of mine got taken there by her boyfriend for valentines day. I was so jealous" She muses. I smile at her.

"Then that's where we'll go" I confirm. She grins kissing me happily.

"Oh I can't wait!" She squeals hugging me.

"Barbados it is then!" Alice explains.

"Cool" Shane comments in her usual calm voice.

"And Barbados is secluded right? I want to be able to lay on the beach without being trampled on"

"Oh absolutely T, you don't want people trampling all over you when you're trying to do the dirty with Bette" Alice teases.

"She's right baby" The suggestiveness in her tone isn't lost on me, and I find myself squirming in my seat. "We are going to have so much fun" She whispers into my ear. "On the beach, in the sea..." She almost growls. I gulp, my cheeks flushing with arousal. We should never have left the house.

"Yeah" I practically groan. I cough in embarrassment all eyes on my blushing face.

"I think we're just gonna grab something to eat at home" Tina tells them, standing up and pulling me up with her.

"We're...we're going to spend the day by the pool" I grin, clutching Tina's hand.

"Right" Dana giggles. Tina is insatiable. I just want to make love to her every time she touches me.

"Remember what I said about living off of love" Alice calls to our retreating backs. "It can't be done!"

Chapter Ten

It's such a lovely day. There is not a cloud in the bright blue sky, and the sun is shining down on me with all of it's wondrous force. Bette and I are sunbathing beside the pool, lying ontop of a soft blanket, drinking cocktails from straws. I'm wearing the skimpiest bikini I could find, and it's red. Bette loves red on me. We've made love more times in this one day than we have in the past month.

"How come we don't spend more time out here?" I ask turning onto my side. She's lying on her back, her eyes shielded with sunglasses. She mimics my actions.

"Because I'm an asshole who works all the time"

"An asshole who works all the time to provide a beautiful home, and everything I could ever want?"

"I'm going to work less T. You just can't let things like this take over your life. I love my work but it doesn't have to become my world"

"I only want you to do what makes you happy and if working less makes you happy then I want you to work less" She kisses my nose, her lips tickling their way down to my mouth. Her lips feel warm against mine.

She parts my mouth with her tongue, and I meet it with my own eagerly. As I straddle her waist, I wonder how much ecstasy the human body can actually take. I hold her hands against the woollen blanket, trailing my tongue from her mouth down to her neck. She shivers with delight. I release her hands and they immediately move to cup my ass, squeezing it fondly. We make out under the sun, and it's such a teenage word but that's how it feels at the moment. The kind of love, the kind of lust that's just completely spur of the moment, never ending, teasing, pleasing, everything. I realise that I've been subconsciously grinding myself against her hips, and she's been pushing her hips up to gain sweet contact.

"Maybe..." I groan, grinding harder. "...maybe we should take this inside?" My head dangles over hers, and she looks at me excitement burning in her dark brown eyes.

"Or..." She strokes my face dragging me in for a soaring kiss. "...or we could stay out here?" She keeps her eyes fixed to mine for my reaction. Outside? I look around. People could see us. Tim could see us! I shrug it off, they shouldn't be looking anyway.

"Outside?" I giggle. I can feel myself growing wet at the suggestion. "Well I need the practise for our holiday" We giggle together resuming the contact between our lips. I stroke her face, the inside of her arms, her breasts, her navel. The heat rising between us seems to be hotter than the sun shining down on us.

She unties the back of my bikini top, sliding her hands, that are damp from the sun block, down my sides to cup my breasts. "Baby" I sigh arching my neck to greet her wet tongue. I slip her bikini top underneath her breasts, exposing them to my eager mouth.

"Fuck T" She gasps. I flicker my tongue over her erect nipple, Bette's hands moving to my hair. Bette has given so much, tried so hard. I want this to be about her. I want to make her climax screaming my name. I know how much this turns her on, but I know how easily she could turn this in to being about me. I travel down the length of her body cupping her now damp breast with my hand. My tongue rediscovers the taste of her skin. The dip of her ribs, the point of her navel, the bottom of her stomach. She writhes underneath me as my wet trail grows longer. I can smell how much she wants me and I feel the warmth in-between my thighs. I reach the soft curls of hair that line her sex and dip my tongue into her folds.

She groans loudly. My tongue slides up and down, teasing her clit with my intimate movements. She starts to groan so loudly that a part of me starts to panic that someone might hear. But then the thought of it excites me because this whole situation is so illicit. Her hips start to buck underneath me so I increase the movement of my tongue. Licking and sucking, and kissing her until she can't take anymore.

"T...God T" She begs. I hold onto her hips kissing her harder. "Tina" She gasps, her body growing slack, her hips slowly seizing. "Jesus babe you're going to kill me" I rest my head against her beating heart.

"I want this kind of treatment on holiday Mrs Porter. No I demand it"

"Well I wouldn't have it any other way. Just think, providing how quickly Alice can book our holiday, we could be in Barbados by next week" Bette tells me.

"If Alice has it her way we'll be there by the end of the week"

"For once I really want Alice to get her own way"

Part 11

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