DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and the characters within are the property of MGM, Showtime, Gekko etc.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fic was inspired by one line in the Indigo Girl's: Hope Alone... <We were just an empty dream too big for hope alone to fill>
DEDICATION: From both of us... to friendship

Hope Alone
By b and Debbie

Sam:

I thought I knew what falling in love felt like. I thought I had experienced love before. I guess I was wrong.

I always imagined myself settling with.. oh you know.. the right kind of guy. The one that makes you feel safe and cherished in his strong arms. I thought I had found him. But then I realized he thought he was God. I thought I was totally head over heels with him, you know. Well it seemed I was wrong again. I was so disappointed.
And then I met the Colonel. I mean he is attractive... in a weird sort of way. And I kept expecting to feel this spark with him. The one that would override any fear of regulation. But the spark just didn't happen.

And then you happened. Oh my God. And I thought I'd just gone mad. All the qualities I've wanted, been looking for in a man, you just blew them away.

I wanted someone's strong arms to hold me safe. All those nights when I was confused by Jolinar's memories conflicting with my own, who held me close? All those nights I thought I might just go crazy, it was your presence chased all the fear away. Now, I never feel safer than when you hold me.

I wanted compassion and kindness. I saw it in you. Every single moment with every person on the base, you listen and ease their worries; their suffering. I am so proud of you, but oh, so jealous of your attention to all these other people. I want you to myself.

Oh God. I am going crazy.

I wanted courage. And I have never seen a more courageous soul than you are. Your gentle nature soothes every one of us brave soldiers, in every critical situation we're in. Before, and after, any mission you are just there, to share and to heal. You give us calmness and focus.

You have always said how the base bows to me. You're wrong. You're the one they worship. The Goa'uld should be afraid. If their followers ever meet you, they would flock to your side in droves. Maybe, that is the way we can beat them, together. No "God" could ever compare to you.

I wish I had found you first, before Jonas and Jack. I wish you had found me first, before that 'jackass' husband of yours. I wish we had found each other.

I have this dream in my own world. You look at me and I just smile at you. You smile back and we know. Then you whisper the sacred words to me and I whisper them back to you.

Oh God, Janet, I love you. I love you so much. So much it hurts sometimes.

Are we just an empty dream too big for hope alone to fill?

Janet:

I thought I knew what falling in love felt like. I thought I had experienced love before. I guess I was wrong.

I always imagined myself settling with the right kind of guy. The kind of guy that makes you feel safe and cherished. Hell, I thought I had found him. I even married the guy. For a while I was totally head over heels with him, you know. Well it seems I was wrong again. I was so disappointed.

We were happy, but then I realized something was missing from my life. As that thought became stronger, my husband changed from a loving caring man to an uncaring chauvinistic pig of a man. How could I not fall out of love with him?

And then I met Daniel. I mean he was attractive, in a cute sort of way. And I kept expecting to feel this spark with him. The one that would override my desire for what I knew was missing from my life. But the spark just didn't happen, and we became just good friends. I miss him so.

And then you happened. Oh my God. And I thought I'd just gone mad. All the qualities I've wanted, been looking for in a man, you just blew them away.

I wanted a handsome man to walk beside. But now, walking beside you, I am struck not only by your beauty, but also by the chiselled smooth lines of your jaw. The way it sweeps down in perfect artistry to the shoulders below. I love your shoulders. Now, I can see it so clearly, that you are handsome in a wonderful feminine sort of way.

I wanted someone's strong arms to hold me safe. And yet, when Teal'c was under the influence of Apophis again, and I felt so cheated that my medical knowledge was over-ridden by the General, who was it who rocked me to sleep at night? When Cassie was so ill, who held me, promising my daughter, our daughter, would not die. When Daniel was dying, and there wasn't a damn thing my medical expertise could do about it, who held me close and soothed me with their strength and soft words. Now, I never feel safer than when your arms surround me.

I wanted understanding and kindness. I wanted someone who not only understands me, the Medical Doctor, but me, the female Air Force officer, me, the woman. And I saw it in you. Every single moment we are together, we share like I never thought possible. Your kindness extends to every person on the base. And I am so jealous of your attention to all these other people. I want you to myself.

Oh God. I am going crazy.

I wanted a child. That jackass of a husband never gave that to me, thank God. But you did. You gave me my darling daughter, Cassie. How we share her. It is a wonderful gift, this closeness we three share. A family in all sense of the words.

I wanted courage. And I have never seen a more courageous soul than you are. Your gentle nature soothes all of the brave soldiers, in every critical situation, sharing your thoughts with them, and hearing their thoughts back, they are no longer afraid. When I nearly had to switch your life-support off, it was you who absolved me, which is true courage, the ability to take my worries as your own. You give me calmness and focus.

I wanted intelligence. I found that in you. The nights we share just talking. Oh, the base accuses us of techno-babble, but I find your words like nectar. And you understand me, which astounds my senses. I enjoy nothing more than listening to your voice. When you read out of the newspaper, that interesting article you know will please me, I just melt in your words. I love that you care enough to share this pleasure with me.

I wish I had found you first, before Jonas and Jack. I wish you had found me first, before that 'jackass' husband of mine. I wish we had found each other.

I have this dream, in my own world. You look at me and I just smile at you. You smile back and we know. Then you whisper the sacred words to me and I whisper them back to you.

Oh God, Sam, I love you. I love you so much. So much it hurts sometimes.

Are we just an empty dream too big for hope alone to fill?

The End

Sequel Hope Alone 2

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