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A Good Sharp Kick
By mel
PART 1
I was cowering in the backyard, tears pouring down my cheeks, with an angry little pixie threatening my life. What a great fucking start to my Sunday. Jenks hovered in front of me, angry red dust falling and his sword leveled at my face. "For the love of Tink! Rache, please tell me you didn't do that!"
Yeah, what did I do now you ask? Nothing that I haven't done before, let's face it – I'm a total moron most of the time. I would normally try and preface that statement with something to the effect of only with Ivy, but my time of self-reflection in the Ever After these last twenty-four hours has driven home the point that I truly am mentally challenged. Seriously. Fucking. Challenged.
"What do you want me to say Jenks?" I yelled back at him. "Really? What the fuck do you want me to say? That I popped into Ivy's bedroom uninvited? Yeah, I did that. Was I naked? Yeah, I was. But, really, it wasn't my fault…" I tried to explain.
"Don't you even start with me young lady," Jenks lowered himself so we were eye-to-eye. "You knew that you would jump the line and end up wherever the hell Ivy was, and you couldn't put on a freaking robe?"
"I was running away from that bastard Pierce," I mumbled. "He worked a seduction curse to make me all hot and bothered and naked and I lost it, okay? I jumped the line to get the hell away from him, and it took me to Ivy. I told you why I have to come back to her – you know I didn't do it on purpose."
"Yeah, well take a good listen little witch. Hear that crying?" And, I could. Like a sharp stab to my heart, I could. Ivy wasn't exactly being quiet. "You did that to her! You did that!"
"I know!" I roared back at him, my anger rising with his. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen! I didn't stop to think that she'd think that I'd finally come to her for real when saw me all hot and bothered and naked!"
"That's the problem Rache," his anger at me flaring even hotter. "You never think. Have you ever even taken one freaking second to think how hard this has all been on her? Have you ever taken one second to pull your head out of your ass and realize how completely reliant she is on you? Have you ever taken one fucking god damn second to think about how you are slowly ripping her heart out with your stupidity?"
"I…," I couldn't think of anything to say.
"Yeah," he whirled away from me, flitting back in forth in front of me, his own type of pacing. "Yeah, you haven't. The rest of us see it clear as fucking day, but still you sit and fight it and desperately cling to whatever fucked up ideal it is that you think you need to measure up to. But here's the thing Rache - there's a lot of hurt in the world, there's a lot of pain. Love… is …not… wrong." He stopped pacing to stare me down again. "Sometimes it doesn't come in the form you'd expected, but love is never wrong. Take that fucking thought with you next time you torment Ivy. I'm so tired of trying to clean her back up after you knock her down Rachel. I'm an old man, I can't keep doing this. You know she needs you. You know she's completely in love with you, and god help us Rachel I am starting to think that she might be better off if she wasn't. Because you're like heroin for her. She can't give you up, and you're killing her."
I just stared at him. It felt like my heart was broken into a million pieces and I couldn't breathe. "But she'd told me that she didn't want my blood," I whispered at him, my eyes pouring out tears at an inhuman rate. "What does she want from me then?"
"She wants you to love her," he said, the anger still not out of his voice. "She wants you to look at her as a desirable woman and love her."
"But I do," I breathed. "I do love her."
"You're still not getting it you stupid hardheaded witch," he muttered darkly. "She knows you love her, but she also knows that it's not enough. How many times do you think you can pull her into your little delusions of 'okay, now I'm ready' only to have you pull back and tell her no? How much longer do you honestly think she can survive that?"
"I don't know," I mumbled.
"Honestly Rache, you need to figure out what the fuck you do know, because you either need to acknowledge that you love Ivy – not as a friend, not as a sister, but as a woman – and then act on that love, or just get the fuck out of her life. Because you're not healthy for her this way Rachel. It's not healthy."
And then he left me there, still cowering in the chair, my arms wrapped tightly against my knees as the tears turned to racking sobs. Alone. Again.
It was twilight by the time I'd gathered myself, my thoughts, everything, to the point that I was functional. I couldn't help shuffling my way to the backdoor of the church, my head, heart, and body felt like they'd gone twelve rounds with a prize fighter. Suffice to say, my ass was kicked. Thoroughly and completely kicked. And, honestly, I'd deserved so much worse than I'd been given.
I wasn't surprised to find Ivy in the kitchen at her computer. I wasn't surprised when I got a no eye contact nod of acknowledgement when I crossed the threshold. I wasn't surprised by the love I felt for her, but it broke my heart. It broke my heart that she'd known it was there all this time and also knew that I was fighting it. I'd spent the afternoon taking a good long look at how I'd fucked around with Ivy all these years, and I wasn't surprised by any of it. But it still hurt. Admitting to yourself that you're an insensitive asshole is never pretty.
I stopped at the island, head down, cheeks stained with tears that had finally stopped falling only when my body became unable to make any more. I heard Ivy stop pretending to search the net for whatever it is she spends all day looking at. I heard her take a deep breath, trying to scent my mood.
"I'm an ass," I croaked, too tired to care that my voice was complete crap from crying.
"Yeah, you are," she agreed coldly.
"Yeah," I sighed. "I know. I don't blame you for hating me Ivy. I hate me too right now." I took a shaky breath and lowered myself to the floor in front of the sink, leaning back against the cupboards and resting my head on the hard wood. It was the most vulnerable position I could put myself in, and I honestly wouldn't have begrudged her tearing my throat out at that moment.
The kitchen was silent. I knew she hadn't left, I could still smell her ash and orange incense. And, as I was now being honest with myself, I knew she hadn't left because my heart always felt a little empty, a little broken, whenever she wasn't nearby. I couldn't blame her for leaving this whole mess up to me fix.
I took a deep breath to try and gather myself, knowing that it wasn't going to work but doing it all the same. "I know this is insanely inadequate, but I really am sorry Ivy. I know it doesn't make any of the shit I've put you through worth it, but I'm sorry that I am such a fucking idiot."
The breath she'd been holding exploded out of her. "You're right, it doesn't make any of it better."
"Yeah," I agreed, surprised to find myself crying once again. Apparently there was yet another well of misery for me to tap into.
I didn't know what else to say, so we just sat there. Me leaning against the cupboards with my eyes closed, Ivy doing I don't know what. Glaring at me, probably.
"Just tell me what you want from me," Ivy whispered, her voice exhausted. "I'm too tired of fighting with you about this. For once Rachel, please just tell me what you want from me because I don't know what to do anymore."
"I don't deserve the right to ask anything of you anymore Ivy," I told her, my voice as tired as hers. "Jenks made that perfectly clear, and he was right. I don't deserve the right to ask anything of you."
I felt the air in front of me shift, and then her fist was grabbing my shirt and hefting me up off the floor. "Just. Tell. Me. What. The. Fuck. You. Want," she growled.
Her anger was cold fire to my soul. "I want you. I love you Ivy," I whispered, looking down at her through my tear filled eyes. "I want to show you how much I love you."
She just stared at me, shaking her head in disbelief. "No, you don't mean it and this'll be the little heartbreak that kills me Rachel. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep loving you like this."
"Because it's not healthy," I finished for her. "Yeah, I know. I'll just go now," I tried to pry her fingers from my shirt. "If you'll just put me down Ivy I'll go. I don't want to hurt you anymore," my hand reached up to brush her cheek. "I'm sorry I'm such an ass. I'm sorry I didn't just tell my head to shut the fuck up and listen to my heart. Just put me down Ivy, let me go."
Tears were coursing down her cheeks, her body was shaking with fatigue from holding me up in the air, and she wouldn't put me down. "I can't let you go Rachel," she whispered.
"Why?"
She laughed harshly. "Because I need you to feel normal," she hissed the word. "As much as I hate myself for it, I need you because I know you love me for me. Not because I'm a Tamwood. Not because I'm a vampire who can provide blood ecstasy. But just because of me. I would die without you," she cried. "I hate you and love you and it would kill me to let you go and I just…can't…do…it."
I stared at her, hating myself for landing us in such a fucked up place. Love is supposed to be a beautiful thing, and here we are – drowning in it.
So.
Completely.
Fucked.
Up.
I'd spent the afternoon trying to figure out what I could say to her to make this all okay, and now I realized that there is nothing I can do to fix it. I had been hoping there was a way to just confess my undying love for her and have her fall into my arms, but somehow I knew that was never going to happen. Shit like that only works in the movies.
"Okay Ivy," I whispered, bringing my hands up to cover the one of hers that was wrapped in my shirt. "I won't leave until you tell me to." It wasn't romantic, but it was the truth. I could promise her that much.
She lowered me gently to my feet and I before I knew what was happening she was holding me in a hug that squeezed the breath out of me. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed back, both of us holding on to the other as if we were adrift in the ocean and she were the last life preserver in the world. And then, before I knew it, she was gone and I heard the front door of the church slam shut.
Shit.
PART 2
Ivy
It was a good thing I had vampire reflexes as I raced away from my heart and my home on my bike because if I didn't I would have ended up plastered across the front of a semi truck and my first life over in the shambles it'd become. Damn it all to hell, to think that I'd managed to survive Piscary and Skimmer and here I was a slobbering mess because I had the ingenious foresight to fall completely in love with a witch trapped by her own self-denial. Really, who would have thought that she would be the biggest trouble I'd ever run up against?
I had to get out of there. I couldn't take the emotions that were rolling off her skin in that closed up kitchen. Her words were more than enough to tear me in two, but the emotion pouring from her about did me in. I felt her love, disgust, fear, vulnerability, and submission. It was, by far, the most potent emo cocktail I've ever experienced. I felt her complete surrender to me when she leaned back against those cupboards, exposing her neck to me in a way that made it so incredibly tempting for me to either rip her throat out or scoop her into my arms and kiss her. God, even when I'm beyond pissed at her she still somehow manages to confuse me.
And then she offered to leave. Shit, that about did me in. I really think she would have done it. Every little nuance of her behavior and smell told me that she was willing. More than willing. I really think she was going to just walk out of my life, and as much as I hated her for the way she kept playing with me I couldn't bear to lose her. I had to get away to clear my head, but all I could think about was the way she held on to me as if I were her own last bastion of hope.
I was driving fast enough that the wind whipping by me was doing a good job clearing the tears from my eyes so I could see, but to say I was less than focused on the road in front of me was an understatement. I didn't really have a plan in mind of where I was going, I just needed to go. Had to go.
Once I finally cleared the Hollows and entered Cincy, I angled the bike onto a path that would take me to a nicely secluded human-operated bar that didn't mind my patronage – thanks to Glenn I was something of an occasional regular there, if you will. The last thing I needed tonight was to be reminded of who and what I was, and also who I lived with. The more humans the better, tonight. I wasn't in the mood to deal with any Inderlanders right now. I sure as hell didn't want Rynn to find out what happened, he had a big enough hard on for the two of us to be together – god knows what he'd do to us if he heard about this.
I pulled my bike to the curb in front of the pub and took a deep breath to gather myself as I unsnapped and removed my helmet. I leaned down to check my reflection in the little side mirror and decided it was best to use the little tube of pupil reduction medication that was under the seat – a leftover memory of Kisten that I had been unable to purge. A small smear under each eye and I was back to "normal", nobody would look me in the face and see how truly vamped out I was. I would be able to sit at the bar and do my best to drink away my problems for a bit. Not a perfect plan, but the most appealing sounding one at the moment.
Rachel
I'd promised Ivy that I wouldn't leave and I didn't. I puttered around the kitchen for a while before grabbing the blanket off the back of Ivy's chair in the living room and padding down the hall to the sanctuary. I wrapped the blanket around me as tight as I could and settled onto the couch, tucking my feet under me and leaning my head on the arm.
I stared around the room that a few days ago felt so alive and as my eyes settled on Ivy's piano in the corner I had to admit that it now just felt empty. I'd messed up one time too many and my life would always be empty from now on. Because, truthfully, I knew there was no way I would ever be able to replace Ivy's place in my life, there was no way I could ever see myself wanting to try and fill that void in my soul with anybody besides her. Part of me was beyond pissed at Jenks for making me realize how much I loved/needed/desired Ivy, but the rest of me knew that I would have eventually admitted it to myself without his forceful prodding.
"I so thoroughly fucked everything up," I quietly berated myself. "I had everything I'd ever wanted within my grasp, and I was too much of a thickheaded chicken-shit to just reach out and take it."
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jenks flitting down the hall toward the belfry and Bis. Probably to arrange their watch schedules for the night. I wished with all my heart that he would leave me alone to my misery, but knew that it just wasn't that kind of a day.
"Didn't sound like it went too well in here tonight," he said by way of a greeting, still in angry-protective-father mode.
"Nope," I answered. "She hates me."
"Did you tell her why you showed up in her room this morning?"
I shook my head no. "It doesn't matter Jenks. Why I was there like that doesn't matter. What matters is that I did. It's my fault. I was in trouble over there and tried to run away rather than hold my ground and fight. I knew where I would jump to. It's my fault," I said softly.
"So what did you tell her?"
"I told her that I love her and that I want her and she told me no."
"She said no?" he asked softly, a quiet disbelief behind his voice.
I felt the water works start up again. Really, when am I just going to run out of tears? "She didn't care," I whispered. "She said she loves me and hates me and that it would kill her if I left her and then she left me."
"Is she coming back?" he asked quickly, sounding panicked.
"I dunno," I sobbed. "I just don't know."
"What's going on Rache?"
"I promised Ivy that I wouldn't leave," I whispered. It wasn't much of an answer, but it was all I could think of.
He flew up into the air, his eyes roaming my face, a speculative expression on his own chiseled visage. "Where did Ivy go?"
"I don't know Jenks," I told him honestly. "What am I going to do without her Jenks? I don't know what I'm going to do without her," I cried as I pulled the blanket tighter around me, curling in on myself in my misery.
He hovered before me for a minute watching my quiet hysterics, before patting me on the forehead and flying off, thankfully not saying another word to me about it. I wasn't sure how much more honesty I could take from my friends today.
It was, by far, the longest night of my life. Sitting there, waiting, not knowing if my life would walk back through those doors or not. I couldn't blame her if she didn't, but it very well might kill me. It wasn't a conscious decision, but I had merged my soul with hers and I knew that if I were to lose her I would die. I couldn't envision a world where I could possibly survive without her.
So, I sat on that couch staring at the front door all night wrapped in her blanket. I sat there all night trying to find comfort in the fact that even if I couldn't have her hold me that if I closed my eyes and pretended hard enough I could convince myself that it was her holding me and keeping me warm. I sat there all night because I promised her I wouldn't leave and that by god that for once I was going to prove true to my word. I sat on that couch all night wishing I could go back and do the whole thing over properly, and then wishing that even if I couldn't go back to the beginning and fix it all that I could at least have just found the courage to march into the kitchen last night and kissed her like I wanted to.
But that's the problem with life. You never truly know what you've lost until it's gone.
Ivy
The bartender slid another drink in front of me before heading back down to the other end of the bar where there were patrons who were more willing to make small talk. Not me, I was too wrapped up in my own head. Didn't even need the scary vampire aura to scare everybody away tonight.
Now that I had a few drinks in me I was beginning to work my way past my hurt and into my anger. I couldn't believe that Rachel had the gall to show up in my bedroom, in the middle of the night, naked and stinking of arousal and then possess the audacity to tell me that it was an accident before running away. I couldn't believe that even she could be so incredibly stupid about all this.
Of course, I was also more than a little embarrassed about my actions upon finding her in my room in that condition. Perhaps reaching out and dragging her in on top of me wasn't the smoothest idea, but what the hell else was I supposed to think she wanted when she stood over me drooling like that? My god, it was the incredibly strong perfume of her arousal that woke me up in the first place!
"Girls!" I muttered to myself as I lifted my glass for another sip. This was my last one for the night so I was going to nurse it to death. I was definitely not ready to go back to the church to find that she'd up and left me after I stormed out on her. Definitely not ready for that one. Definitely.
There was a small commotion at the front of the bar as the glittering trail of an incoming pixie streaked across the room. Just what I needed, the overbearing father coming to tell me off.
"Go away Jenks," I said as he landed on the rim of my glass. "Can't you see I'm drinking here? I've had a bad enough night, god knows I don't need you to make me feel any worse."
He just stayed balanced on the edge of the glass, striking his favorite Peter Pan pose. "Tink's little red thong Ivy, what are you doing here?"
"Drinking," I told him.
"Yeah, I see that. Crap on toast Ivy, I have been looking for you all night – you haven't heard the whole story of what happened this morning. You really need to go back and talk to Rachel."
"No I don't Jenks. I don't. I can't just keep getting played by little Miss I Don't Know," I said quietly. "I can't keep doing this. Look at me Jenks, I'm a fucking mess and it's all because she decided to show some interest and then walk away from me. Well, she was running and tripping over her own two feet, but still. She showed up, ogled me, and left me."
"Oh Ivy," he murmured as he lowered himself to sit on the rim of my glass. "What am I going to do with you two? There's Rachel, who loves entirely too freely and couldn't figure out her own mind even if she had the blue prints in hand, and then there's you."
"Me?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "There's you. The mega powerful vamp who's scared of her own heart."
"I'm not scared Jenks. She is."
"You're right," he agreed. "She's scared that the entire belief structure that she's built her self-image around is crap. It is and we both know it, but she's come to terms with that and has accepted it, finally. But you're afraid too Iv. You're terrified by the fact that she really does want you. You could tell that tonight when she was pouring her heart out to you couldn't you. But you just wouldn't believe it. You're so afraid of the idea that you might actually be worth being loved that completely because that means you'd have to love yourself as completely as she does. You'd rather have her there in that church as your 'friend', in a half-assed relationship than just take the risk of loving her and letting her love you back."
I just stared at the little four inch wise man on my glass. "And…"
"And, you don't know why she was in your room this morning. For the first time in her life Rachel decides to be a grown up and take responsibility for her actions, and this is the shit that happens! She wasn't there to tease you! She was running away from Pierce. He cursed her and she ran away. She jumped the lines and went to you because you're her goddamn home Ivy and you've left her curled up on the couch sobbing her eyes out because she's convinced that she's going to die if she loses you. She didn't do this to play you! She's trying to take control of her life! Tink's a Disney whore Ivy! She is absolutely freaking terrified that she's lost you!"
Somewhere in the middle of his rant my jaw dropped, and I was still staring at him, mouth agape, when he finished. It didn't make sense. It just didn't.
"She really does want me? It wasn't some sick joke?"
He just looked at me with a look of pity on his face. "Yeah Ivy. Is that so hard to believe? Of course she wants you. The question you have to ask yourself now is, do you want her? Everybody knows you love her, but do you want to finally commit to her – body and soul? Because you know there's no halfway with her, and that has to scare the shit out of you. It's your call Ivy, when I left her she was waiting for you – but who knows how long that'll happen. Our little witch is a proud one Ivy, as proud as you are – somebody is going to have to be the strong one and give in first. Somebody has to give in before you both lose."
It was with that thought he left me sitting there at the bar. No longer anonymous because really, who has pixies showing up to tell them off in a human joint? Nobody but me. So much for disappearing for the night. I downed what was left of the liquid fire in my glass, flashed an apologetic smile at the bartender and stood to leave, making sure to leave a generous tip.
I walked out of the bar scanning the area for Jenks, but he was nowhere to be seen. I climbed back onto my bike just as distracted as I got off it a few hours earlier, but this time I wasn't going to be racing anywhere. The open road was calling my name, the roar of the engine promising to fill my mind and allow me the presence of mind to think. I wasn't ready to head home yet. Jenks was right, damn little bug. As much as I want Rachel, there is the security of knowing that she's my friend and won't leave that I'm terrified to lose. I needed to go for a ride and really sort through all this.
Shit.
PART 3
Ivy
It was nearing dawn before I felt ready enough to head back home. I had cruised the farmland surrounding Cincy for hours, my head too full of crap to even think. In a way, it was nice. Nice to just be without thinking so goddamn much. I knew before I'd ever left the Hollows last night that I would be coming home to Rachel, now it was just a matter of trying to work up the courage to walk into the church and risk running head-on into the 'sorry, I'm just not ready' speech again.
The silence that surrounded me when I finally killed the engine was suffocating, the stab of fear it brought to my stomach staggering. I knew that this morning would change everything. However things went in there right now would determine the rest of my life. So many years spent waiting for her to come around, to see me as more than a friend. So much time spent weighing every response, breath, and action so that I might not scare her away. The idea that I could have her, finally, was frighteningly wonderful.
I slowly eased the front door open and quietly closed it after me once I was in the foyer. As quiet as could be, I slipped out of my boots and coat and put them away where they belonged. In my socks, I entered the sanctuary to find my heart, my dear heart, sleeping on the couch wrapped in the wool blanket that is usually on my chair in the living room. Her red hair was splayed over the arm of the couch, her pert lips parted ever so slightly. She looked like a goddess sleeping upon her throne. I felt my heart skip a beat. So incredibly beautiful.
Using my vamp skills to move silently so as to not wake her, I glided across the room until I was standing in front of her, close enough to hear her soft gasps at whatever she was dreaming about. I was enchanted. Besotted. Afraid. Afraid that she'll have changed her mind again. Afraid that I'll be destined to spend my life living with my one true love who will only ever be my best friend. My only friend. I slowly lowered myself to the floor and hugged my knees so I could watch her sleep, entranced by her dreaming. I knew I should have gone down the hall to bed, but couldn't make myself leave her side. She was so beautiful, so unguarded.
"Ivy, no," she whispered in her sleep, jarring me out of my reverie. "Please Ivy, don't go. I'm sorry. So sorry," she cried softly. "I love you."
I felt as if my heart was going to burst out of my chest. She loved me. In her sleep she could admit that she loved me. The true test would be if she could admit it when she was awake and looking at me. I wanted to wake her, to gently run my fingers across her cheek and kiss her softly. But I was so afraid that when she woke she wouldn't want me anymore, that when she woke she'd remember that she's not 'wired that way' and recant last night's admissions.
I closed my eyes and took a ragged breath to gather myself, deciding that it'd be best to let my heart sleep and talk to her once she'd rested. I gently placed my hand on the arm of the couch to help me stand, doing my absolute best to not disturb her, and almost yelled out in surprise when her small hand wrapped around my wrist.
"You came home," she whispered. "I wasn't sure if…," she couldn't finish the thought.
I smiled my most gentle smile at her. "Of course I came home Rachel. Go back to sleep, dear heart."
"Don' wanna," she mumbled as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She looked up at me and took a deep breath, "We need to talk."
She looked so serious that I actually staggered before her. My careful mask of nonchalance didn't fall, but inside I was trembling. So afraid. "I'm not going anywhere Rache," I told her softly. "It's okay, you can go back to sleep and we'll talk when you wake up." Give me a few more hours to pretend that you want me, I thought desperately.
"This can't wait," she leveled her eyes at me.
"Oh," I whispered as my knees gave out and I dropped to the floor. Here it comes, the final blow. She'd changed her mind, again. I knew it. God, I was so stupid to get my hopes up. The only times she's ever looked this serious was when she'd told me that she didn't want me 'that way'.
"Oh Ivy," she said softly as she reached her hand out to stroke my cheek. Her fingers were so soft on my face. "I'm so sorry. So, so, sorry."
My stomach clenched and I was beginning to fear that I would pass out. Here I was, a big bad vampire, so completely terrified of the words that were going to come out of this girl's mouth. I think I actually started shaking because she quickly slid off the couch and cupped the other side of my face with her free hand.
"Please Ivy," she begged. "Please look at me."
I slowly raised my eyes to hers. "Sorry." Afraid, so very afraid.
She began stroking both my cheeks with the pads of her thumbs and cocked her head to the side so that she could look up into my face. "I love you," she said, her voice sure. "Please don't be afraid Ivy. I love you. I love you," she repeated, the emotion behind her words making her voice tremble.
I stared at her, disbelieving because she'd just said the exact opposite of what I'd been waiting for.
"You don't believe me," she whispered, a sliver of fear crossing her face as her fingers stopped stroking my cheeks.
I shook my head to try and clear the confusion from it. I hated myself for needing to ask, but I'd spent so many years of being told 'no' by this vicious siren. "You love me?"
She held me steady in her hands as she nodded and leaned in close, close enough that her next words danced across my lips as she breathed them, "I love you."
Her brilliant emerald eyes were unblinking as she slowly closed the distance between us and lowered her lips to mine. I couldn't help the groan of pleasure that escaped me at that first contact. So soft. Her lips were absolutely delicious. My eyes closed as I let myself fall into her kiss and I reached out to her, gently pulling her closer until we were pressed together. My god, we fit together just as perfectly as I knew we would. I was drunk on the feeling of her in my arms. Finally. This beautiful creature was finally mine to hold and love.
That first kiss was everything that a first kiss is supposed to be. Tender. Sweet. No demands, just pure adoration. Heaven. She was the one to initiate the kiss, and she was the first to pull back, a hesitant smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
"Am I forgiven?" she whispered, her thumbs beginning to stroke my cheeks once again.
"Of course, Dear Heart," I smiled, leaning in to brush my lips across hers once again, reveling in the fact that I finally could do it. "God Rachel," I breathed, "you don't know how long I've waited to kiss you like that."
She met my eyes with a sad smile on her face. "I am sorry Ivy. So sorry it took me so long to figure out that my dream guy was the girl living across the hall from me."
I chuckled. "You sweet talker," my arms pulling her tighter to me as I leaned in to kiss her again. "I bet you say that to all the girls."
"Mmmmm," she mumbled into my kiss as she dropped her arms to my waist. "Just you Ivy," she smiled as we pulled apart, resting her forehead against mine. "I love you Ivy Tamwood."
"As I love you Rachel," I swore to her before looking down, unsure of how to phrase the question that I so desperately needed to ask.
"Your face," she whispered. "You look, so, unsure. What's wrong?"
"I….I need to know. I mean, I need to ask you something before...," I breathed into her lips.
"Anything," she told me, her voice so soft and sweet.
"Rachel, I…god, I never thought this would be so hard. Rachel, I want this. Dear heart I want this more than I want anything in the world. But, I have to know – what do you want from me? From this? I can't …," my voice trailed off.
She smiled at me. "Ivy," she shook her head. "My dear sweet Ivy. I want this," she pulled me into a fierce hug and I couldn't help responding in kind.
She backed out of the hug, raised her face to me and pressed her lips to mine, her quick tongue darting out to brush against my lower lip. Mmmmmmm. "I want this. I want you," she breathed as her hands slid under my shirt, her fingertips gently brushing the sides of my breasts. "I want to take you to bed and worship every inch of you."
The slow heat working its way through my body turned to a flash of desire at her words. "Really?" I couldn't help asking, still so afraid that this was all some nasty dream that I was going to wake up from.
"Mmm, really," she smiled. "Is that okay?"
I didn't have any words. For once, I was well and truly speechless. So I just smiled.
"Good," she said, before she pulled me in and kissed me again. This kiss was so full of want, love, and desire and I couldn't help the purr of happiness that escaped me. Mine, I thought happily as I finally allowed my hands to explore her body as they've been aching to for so long. Mine.
PART 4
Ivy
I leaned back against my silk sheets, enjoying the view of a very naked Rachel Morgan practically dancing around my room to close the drapes over the windows.
"Lovely," I observed quietly as her silhouette was quickly framed in the light before she closed the last drape.
"Hmmm, yes you are," she smiled as she turned to look at me. "So incredibly beautiful," she murmured as she lowered herself onto the bed beside me.
I smiled and reached for her, pulling her down to where I could kiss her. Rachel's encouraging moan brought on my own growl of pleasure as our lips worked against each other. My hands dropped from her neck to begin running themselves up and down her sides, pausing at the apex of each stroke to tease her rigid tips before running back down to trace delicate circles on her delicious derriere. God, to have the freedom to actually touch her like this was heaven. And the feel of her actually touching me was enough to drive me insane. So many nights I'd laid in bed and dreamed of being with her this way, so many fantasies I'd concocted and played out in my head while I, well, you know. And none of them were even close to the reality of having her here, in my bed and in my arms.
I let my hand slide around her hip to tease her already wet center, and could do nothing to stop the groan of displeasure that escaped me when she rolled her hips away from my touch.
I felt her smile against my lips at the sound. "I want to make love to you Ivy," she breathed, her lips still moving against my own. "Let me make love to you?" she asked softly.
Oh that voice. My wildest dreams had nothing on the smoky sexiness of her voice at this moment. I was instantly ready at her words, and my hips pressed against her in anticipation as she lowered her hand that had been tracing my jaw to my side. "Mmmmm," I murmured as I used my tongue to work her lips apart to deepen the kiss.
"Good," she smiled as she pulled back and looked at me. I felt my stomach muscles tighten in anticipation as her eyes moved from mine to focus on my breasts before continuing on to points farther south. She let her eyes roam back up until she met my own, and the glorious smile that lit her face was enough to leave me breathless.
"I love you," I told her, my hand still drawing faint circles on her hip.
"I love you," she answered, smiling as she lowered her lips to mine again.
I purred in pleasure at the return of her lips. Turn take it this girl knew how to kiss. I let out a small groan of protest when she took her lips away from mine, and swore softly in surprise when her glorious lips started to kiss my neck. She spent a fair amount of time kissing that oh so sensitive flesh, sucking and nipping at scars seen and hidden, her mouth and teeth making me writhe under her loving touch. The shockwaves of pleasure she was evoking from those unseen scars were damn near criminal. I felt her smile against me before she placed one last kiss on my neck and made her way down my body until she settled herself over my breasts.
"Oh god Rachel," I moaned, my eyes rolling back in my head as she took me into her mouth. She raised her free hand to cover my other breast and my hips bucked against her again when she rolled me between her thumb and finger, pinching just as she bit down softly on the other side. "Christ," I couldn't help crying out, the scream of pleasure quickly disappearing into a pathetic whimper when she let go and pulled back enough to look at me.
"Too much?" she looked concerned. "Did I hurt you?"
"N…no, god no," I panted. "Good. Yes. Please," I stammered.
"Oh," she smiled as she lowered herself across my body to lavish her magical oral attention on my other breast.
Talented, she was most talented with that mouth. Dear god, I think she's going to drive me mad, I couldn't help thinking as she teased me beyond mortal bounds of pleasure. I writhed under her touch, my hands massaging her scalp to hold her to me, and eventually softly pushing to try and gently steer her where I so desperately needed her. When she finally began trailing kisses down my stomach I thought I was going to die.
The sight of her looking up the length of my body at me from between my legs bitch slapped the last conscious thought I might have had right out of my head. I must have looked as gone as I felt, because she smiled ever so slightly as she stared into my eyes and blew softly onto my heated core.
"Rachel," I moaned piteously as she continued to tease me, her mouth hovering just above where I so desperately needed her.
"What do you need?" she asked, teasingly resting her cheek on my inner thigh. She looked so comfortable and sexy settled there that I had to tangle my hands into the sheets to just have something to hold on to.
"Please," I begged, hips straining to reach up to those luscious lips.
I swear I heard her chuckle softly as her hands snaked their way around my legs to hold my hips steady in front of her. And then the tip of her tongue softly ran itself up my core to my clit, her hands holding me still while she took me into her mouth and teased the sensitive bundle of nerves. It was all I could do to throw my head back and hang on as she made love to me with her mouth, lips, teeth and tongue - her strong hands holding me centered in front of her. The room was beginning to spin around me, I was seeing stars, and I swear I was beginning to go numb from pleasure.
Too much, I thought to myself as I writhed under her mouth. Dear god, it's too much. And then, just as that thought cleared my barely-lucid mind, my entire universe exploded as the most intense orgasm I'd ever experienced rocked through me. And then I am pretty sure I died my first death because the entire world went black.
"Ivy," a worried voice was calling out to me from somewhere nearby. "Look at me Ivy, are you okay?"
I opened my eyes to see my own personal angel hovering over me with an anxious expression on her face. "Mmmmm," I smiled up at her. "I okay," I nodded drunkenly. "Very okay."
She started laughing, probably in both amusement and relief. "God, you scared me there Ivy. You passed out!"
I was a little confused at that thought, but was still happily fuzzy. "Did not," I couldn't help the giggle that escaped as I argued with her.
"Oh," her grin widened as she looked at me. "I think you're sugared Ivy."
"Mmmmm," I mumbled as I tried to raise myself off the bed to kiss her. My body didn't want to work, but she thankfully knew what I was trying to do and lowered herself to my level. When she pulled back from the kiss I told her, "Can't get sugared off of myself. I think you broke my brain."
"Hmmm," she murmured into my lips, her incredibly talented tongue waltzing around mine. "You sure know how to make a girl feel good Tamwood," she teased when she finally pulled back to breathe.
"Me?" I giggled uncontrollably. "Isn't that what I should be saying to you right about now?"
Her eyes were full of love as she smiled at me. "I love you Ivy."
"Mmmmm," I purred as I pulled her down for another kiss. Yeah, one arm worked! "I love you. And I need more kisses to bring me back to reality so I can try and defend my honor."
"Your honor?" she smiled.
"Absolutely," I grinned devilishly. "I'm going to have to do my best to try and make love to you until you pass out now," I told her, my voice full of mock seriousness, as I regained enough control of my other arm to cup her breast in my palm and run my thumb over the taut peak.
"Oh," she gasped. "You think you can?" she challenged, her voice dropping an octave and going instantly husky with desire.
"Most definitely," I gave her nipple a gentle squeeze. "You know me," I grinned as I wrapped my arms around her and flipped us around on the bed so that she was pinned under me. "I'm never one to back down from a challenge," I growled.
PART 5
Ivy
This is definitely the best morning of my life, I thought happily as I snuggled closer to the one and only Rachel Mariana Morgan. I was unbelievably comfortable on the wrong side of the bed, go figure, and delightfully sore in places that only hours upon hours of naked twister can tire out. All I wanted was to spend the rest of the day spending some quality naked spooning time with the beautiful redhead in my bed, but I had a run to make today and desperately needed to get going. Damn.
I kissed Rachel's shoulder to try and gently wake her. Getting up and leaving the building isn't the best morning-after scenario, and I did not want her to think that I had bailed on her after everything had finally gone blissfully right.
"Hmmmm," she mumbled, wiggling her gorgeous ass tighter into my stomach and pulling my arm more firmly around her middle.
A shot of desire ricocheted through me, and it was all I could do to not give in and ditch the run. But, as I am essentially the breadwinner for our little rag-tag bunch, work equals money equals rent paid on time equals happy landlord. Pushy little bug.
"Rache," I whispered in her ear, using my arm that she'd fortuitously pulled around her middle to squeeze her gently.
"Mmmm," she smiled as she rolled over to look at me. "Morning Ivy."
The woman was a vision in the morning. Pert lips puffy from sleep, hair tousled in that spent last night doing all sorts of deliciously wicked things before passing out kind of way. I was knocked breathless by her smile.
"Hi," I whispered, leaning down to kiss those perfect lips. I felt her smile against me, her arms snaking their way up and around my neck to pull me closer. She scissored her legs between mine and pressed herself against my thigh. God, she was already wet. And I was late. But I didn't really need to be on time today. Wait, yes I did. Crap. "Ugh," I groaned pathetically as I pulled back from her kiss.
"What's wrong?" she asked, her hands dropping to my hips.
"I have a run. I gotta go," I mumbled into her lips, my body putting up a valiant effort against my mind for what activity would take place at this god-forsaken time of day.
She actually giggled as she pulled me into her and kissed me again. "So why are you causing trouble then?"
"Can't help it," I smiled and kissed her again.
"S'okay Iv," she whispered, "go on your run, I'll be here when you get home."
"Promise?" I asked playfully.
"Always. You going to be late?"
"Nah, it's a final meeting with a client," I told her. "I just need to deliver my report about his company's security and outline my recommendations as to how they can fix their issues. I should be home for a late lunch…say seven or so?"
"Sounds good. I'll even cook something," she smiled.
"Wow, to what do I owe this pleasure?" I teased.
"Hmmm, I'll give you six…no, eight guesses," she smiled seductively.
"Well," I smiled back at her, "you did challenge my honor first."
She laughed and gave me a quick slap on the ass. "Just go Ivy, I'll see you later."
"I love you Rachel," I leaned in to kiss her again.
"Love you too," she smiled. "Now go finish your run so I can ravish you when you get home."
"Oh goody," I laughed as I made my way to the shower. "That'll make it easy to concentrate."
It was a little before seven when I made my way into the church. The meeting had gone well, their happiness with my work earning a nice little bonus that should hold us over for a few months until Rachel hopefully gets that damned shunning reversed.
I kicked my boots off and set my keys on the table under the coat hooks. I was always happy to come home, but tonight was even better because I knew that Rachel would be waiting for me. Whether or not I'd get that promised ravishing didn't matter, I was just happy to know that she was here and she was mine. Mine, I thought to myself, grinning like an idiot.
I heard Rachel and Jenks talking in the kitchen, and stopped my trek to find them when I heard my name pop up in their conversation.
"Do you really think that's a good idea to ask Ivy that, Rache," Jenks was asking.
She sighed audibly. "Who knows, but I have to try."
My heart jumped into my throat. She sounded so serious. I was pretty sure about her…us…what had happened, finally, but hearing that tone in her voice stopped me cold. What is wrong? What did I do wrong?
"Well, she's in the hall behind you," Jenks said, not bothering to whisper. Which, really, didn't matter because I would have heard him either way. "Good luck Rache, let me know how it goes."
My presence already announced, I gamely padded into the kitchen to find Rachel sitting at the table nursing a cup of coffee. There was a salad already prepared and waiting on the island, and I could smell a pizza in the oven.
"What's up," I asked cautiously, my face automatically slipping into vamp-mask mode, as I crossed the room to pour myself a cup too.
"You heard us," she asked quietly when I sat down in my chair next to her.
"Only the last bit," I told her. "What's going on?"
"I….well….I wanted to talk to you about last night, this morning, whatever," she waved her hand in the air to emphasize the whole impreciseness of the timing.
"Okay. Did I do….," I couldn't help asking, but she cut me off.
"No! Dear Goddess no Ivy! It's nothing like that. I just wanted to ask you something," she blurted quickly, interrupting me
The weight in my stomach made it impossible to speak, so I just raised an eyebrow at her as I took a sip of coffee to show her that I was listening.
She wrapped both hands around her mug and took a deep breath. "I was just…I mean, I wanted to ask….I mean, I was wondering why you didn't bite me last night," she mumbled, looking down at her coffee.
Okay, that was so not what I was expecting. I slid my chair over to hers so I could gently pull her hands off her mug and hold them in my lap.
"Rachel," I said her name softly, my actions and voice doing the job of getting her to at least look at me. "I didn't ask because I thought you didn't want it, and because…," I paused for moment, trying to organize my reasons for why I didn't particularly want to do it. "Well, because I love you, and I just wanted to show you how much I love you and still be me."
She looked a little confused. "But you are you Ivy."
I took my right hand off of hers and raised it to cup her face, my thumb brushing ever so gently across her cheekbone. "What I meant was that I wanted to make love to you as just me, no vamp tricks, no pheromones messing with your mind. Just me. I needed to know that I was who you were responding to, and not the fuzzy-feel-good vamp shit."
She nodded slowly. "Okay, I get that. But why…."
I cut her off before she could finish the thought because I had a pretty good idea of where this was going. "Rachel, dear heart, time and again you've made your feelings clear on the whole blood thing. So I didn't ask because I didn't want to mess up what I thought was a particularly splendid evening. I'm just happy you've given me your heart. I have people I can call to help me manage that other stuff."
"I don't want you calling other people, Ivy," she said softly.
I raised her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles softly. "What do you want?"
"I don't want you calling anybody beside me to help you take care of any of your needs. I want to be the one you come to for blood Ivy. I've always wanted that. Ever since that first time in Mackinaw and our auras merged and I was able to feel your love for me and I was able to cover you in my love for you I've wanted it. Sharing blood with you is beautiful, Ivy. And the second time we tried was just…orgasmic," she smiled.
"But after that second time you swore that it'd never happen again," I reminded her.
She nodded. "I was wrong Ivy. I was scared that just a bite could make me feel so much. I was still running from myself and so I lashed out at you."
"I thought it was because you were afraid of being bound to me."
She shook her head slowly. "I was afraid of being bound," she admitted sheepishly. "But after last night, with you, I'm not afraid anymore."
"So you want me to bite you now because I'm good in bed?" I asked, not wanting to push her, but needing to know what, exactly, she was thinking.
She looked up at me with a shocked, hurt, expression on her face. "No! Geez Ivy! Give me a little credit here! I have always wanted you to bite me! Every time I was saying no, my body was telling my brain to just shut up and say yes! I've always wanted it. And then…when we made love," she took a deep breath, still staring intently into my eyes. "When we made love I realized that it didn't matter if you bound me to you by the scars because I'd already bound myself to you with love. I could never leave you, I love you too much. And just because you bound my scars doesn't mean that I'll be a shadow," she said, using my old argument to her to back up her point. "It's just a way to belong to you and only you."
The cow timer on the counter behind me mooed and we both jumped.
"Timer," I said softly, my voice a little shaky.
"Pizza's done," Rachel answered, quickly standing to go and pull the pie from the oven.
I watched her reflection in the window as she lifted the pizza from the oven and shimmied the pie off the sheet onto a cutting board. I watched her look around the countertop for the pizza cutter and smiled as she ran a frustrated hand through her wild hair. I quietly got up from the chair and retrieved the wheel from the drawer where it belongs and slid myself in behind her, one hand going to her hip and the other holding the tool up where she could see it.
"Here it is," I breathed onto her neck, onto the scars that my teeth had left on her beautiful skin.
It was a good thing I had one hand already on her hip, because her knees buckled as my breath danced across her scars and I had to catch her. I set the pizza cutter on the counter and wrapped my other arm around her, spun her around to face me and easily lifted her to sit on the counter, settling my body between her knees as I held her tightly.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
She nodded. "Yeah," she answered, her voice breathy.
I lifted my right hand from her waist to run my thumb over her exquisite neck. "Are you sure you want this? Because, I'm happy with what we've got Rachel. I am more than happy to just have you to love. I want to share blood with you, but I don't know if I'll be able to handle you changing your mind again. I'm just not that strong Rachel."
"I'm not going to change my mind," she leaned in to kiss me softly, her lips tasting of coffee. She rested her forehead against mine. "I want all of you Ivy. I love all of you."
I smiled at her words. "I love you Rachel," I vowed, pulling her to me to kiss hungrily.
The pizza smelled good, but damned if she didn't smell better. And knowing that I could really have all of her was the most potent aphrodisiac I have ever experienced. My hands roamed her back, rubbing and kneading, and hers were busy making similar motions on my back. I pulled her closer so that those most intimate parts of her were pressed up tightly against me, and she moaned in pleasure at the contact.
"Pizza?" I gasped between kisses.
She shook her head no. "It'll nuke up fine," she answered, her voice rough with desire. "Take me to bed Ivy. Please, just take me to bed."
"Mmmmm," I moaned as I quickly reclaimed her mouth. I lifted her off the counter, easily supporting her weight with my arms, and made my way down the hall to my, our, bedroom, kicking the door closed behind us in case there was a peeping pixie in the building. He can hover out there and listen all he wants, but he's not getting a show.
I gently laid her on the bed and settled myself on top of her, our lips never breaking contact. Now that I didn't have to hold her up, I put my hands to good use getting rid of her clothes and she was doing an equally quick job with mine.
I sighed in pleasure when I was finally able to lay my naked body back on top of hers, feeling nothing but her soft skin against me. Lips still busy, she maneuvered herself under me, so that her very aroused center was pressed firmly against my thigh. I brought my hand up to cup her perfect breast, my thumb rubbing against the hardened nub. This simple touch caused her to arch up into me in pleasure, and she broke away from my lips gasping for air.
"Oh god Ivy, please," she moaned, turning her head to the side to reveal her neck to me.
I sucked a deep breath in through my teeth as I stared at her beneath me before lowering my mouth to her neck. "Can I?" I asked softly. "Can I have this? Do you give this to me?"
She writhed under me as my breath danced across her skin. "Yes Ivy. Please. Make me yours and only yours."
I growled in pleasure as I closed that infinitesimal distance separating my mouth from her pulse. The intoxicating aroma of redwood and amber that is so uniquely Rachel wrapped around me like a blanket. I blew softly onto her neck, my tongue tracing the line of her pulse, reveling in the moment because it was yet another one that I had given up hoping for. She writhed and moaned against me as I played with her, giving the pheromones I was pumping out time to work so that the bite would be pleasurable for her. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her.
"Thank you," I whispered reverently before my biting down and easily tearing through that tender skin. I growled in pleasure when that first drop of her life poured into my mouth. Delicious. Exquisite.
"Oh god yes Ivy," she cried out at my first gentle pull on her vein, her fingers digging into my back and her hips bucking against my thigh.
I pushed my leg tighter into her as I pulled against her again, reveling in the feeling of her blood filling my mouth as her body rode mine in pleasure. I felt our auras begin to merge and I pushed every feeling of love and adoration that I could through that bond into her, and I felt her complete and unabashed love for me flowing back. It was beautiful. So incredibly perfect. I played slowly at her neck, not needing blood but wanting to prolong the joining of our metaphysical selves, my own hips rubbing me against her leg in time with her moving against mine.
I love you, I thought desperately to her through the bond as I felt my body quickly racing toward climax. I was pushed that much closer as she screamed, "Oh yes Ivy, I love you. I love you, I love…," her voice trailed off as our auras chimed and she was rocked into orgasm, her release flowing through me and bringing me to orgasm along with her.
Once I regained control of my body enough to move, I gently, ever so gently, slid my teeth out of her neck and slowly lapped at the handful of drops that leaked from the wounds until they stopped. I pulled back and kissed her lips softly, "I love you Rachel."
"Mmmmm," she smiled up at me. "I love you. That was a-fucking-mazing Ivy."
I laughed. "That's what I've been telling you."
"Well, you were right. I had no idea what I was missing," she replied, a silly sated grin plastered on her face.
"Hmm," I mumbled my agreement into her lips as I kissed her again. "I'm going to go get you some food, I didn't take much, but you will need to eat something," I said softly, my fingertips reverently stroking her cheek.
"Pizza?" she asked hopefully.
I smiled. "Perhaps after you finish your cookie. I'll be right back, dear heart."
Later that night, after Rachel had eaten her cookie and we'd shared the pizza we ended up back in my room. We were back in bed, Rachel cuddling on top of me, her head resting just above my breast, when I decided to broach the topic of what had happened.
"Do you regret it?" I asked softly, my fingers playing with her tangled curls.
She snuggled closer to me and pulled the sheet up over us both. "Regret what Ivy?"
"Letting me bite you? Bind you?"
She smiled as she buried her face in the hollow of my neck, her lips pressing a soft kiss in that oh so sensitive spot. "No, I don't regret anything Ivy. I love you," she whispered.
"I love you too Rachel," I laid a kiss on her hair, my arms tightening around her possessively. Now that I had her there was no way I was ever going to let go. "I've always loved you."
She looked up at me and smiled seductively. "Are you ready to love me again?"
I jumped when her hand cupped my breast, my breath catching in my throat. "Mmmm," I murmured, lowering my lips to kiss her softly. "Do you really think you're ready to try again?"
She pushed herself up and smiled down at me, her tongue slipping through her lips as she grinned. "I have a feeling I'm always going to be ready for you, Ivy," she whispered huskily, her hand slowly trailing down my stomach and cupping me gently. "And I can tell that you're ready for me."
"Yes," I purred, putting that grey silk into my voice that I know drives her crazy. "Kiss me."
She moaned and lowered her lips to mine, her fingers working expertly against me. It was looking like this was going to be a very exciting evening indeed.
The End