DISCLAIMER: Grey's Anatomy and its characters are the property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: Seasons 1-3.
The Good No-longer Shepherd
Gradually, Izzie had become so exhausted by the other intern's constant worry and incomprehension about the whole Addison affair and what was worse, Miranda Bailey's scrutinizing look, that she had gotten quite a little comedy routine going.
As Addison walked into the cafeteria, everyone looked at Izzie out of the corner of their eye, and pretended they didn't.
She was wearing one of Izzie's favourite outfits and frowns of worry on her face. Annoyingly, Izzie first thought was how much she wanted to go over to her and try to smooth them out. Her second was how she missed her... She took a deep breath and looked away.
"Still hooked on the She-Shepherd, Iz? About damn time to let go, if you ask me..."
"Which she didn't..."
Cristina gave him a dirty look and put another potato chip in her mouth.
Izzie shook her head.
"I'm over that bitch."
She tapped Alex's fist and he nodded appreciatively.
"Izzie... You don't have to pretend. It's ok to be dark and twisty for a while, we understand. She treated you like crap, just like she did with Derek. And McSteamy!"
Meredith was probably the one best suited to understand her, but Izzie simply couldn't take any more damn sympathy or compassion. She had it with Poor Izzie, so she had decided to be Indifferent Izzie instead. Not feeling was a blessing, was good. It was a good strategy. Except for when Addison was around, and Indifferent Izzie struggled... Like now.
"Dude, I'm totally too good for her, you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, you're way hotter than her. And the sex can't have been that great. I wasn't there so..."
Alex wiggled his eye brown at her in a lame attempt to conceal the worry in his voice. Dear Alex... Izzie knew deep down, that maybe he still had feelings for her. But she really appreciated his lame efforts of making her feel better.
"Shut up, Alex."
Cristina pulled a face at him and then turned to Izzie.
"Good for you, fight the power."
That's exactly was she was doing too... Fighting, kicking and screaming, against the power that drew her to Addison, like gravity...
Addison hadn't actually been looking for Izzie when she went into the intern's locker room. For once, her thoughts had been occupied by a case and not with blond interns.
Until she looked up... Her breath caught in her throat and the din of her blood starting to race through her veins made her oblivious to everything but the woman in front of her...
...Izzie. Almost naked. Her glorious chest concealed by only a thin lacy barrier, as well as her well shaped backside... Her long neck exposed for kissing. The sight of the soft curve of her waist and her hips made Addison feel like she was going insane with the need to touch her all over. Bethany Whisper, live again, at last...
She should stop staring. Really... She tried unsuccessfully to look away again. Instead, her eyes strayed up towards Izzie's lips, full of magic and a lethal tool in the seduction of Addison Montgomery. She suddenly noticed that her mouth was desert dry and the hands holding a pile of x-rays were no longer steady.
She realised to her mortification that those inviting lips were moving and probably not for the first time since she walked in.
"I said: can I help you Dr. Montgomery?"
Izzie's voice dripped with sarcasm.
Addison didn't blush. She wasn't a blushing kind of person. Except, she had a feeling that she was blushing now...
"Erhm... Yes, erhm, I'm looking for Dr. O'Malley, actually."
And damn it, she still couldn't stop herself from staring. The soft skin on Izzie's stomach and her long legs were calling out to her to touch them... She just wanted Izzie to hold her, so desperately, achingly, just for a moment, to feel her warmth and comforting touch...
"I usually charge people to look at me in my underwear, as you know. But I suppose that since you've already seen it, you can have this one on the house."
Izzie heard that she sounded bitter and mean, instead of light hearted like she attempted. But she couldn't help it. The memory of Addison saying she wasn't good at her job was still a festering wound.
Addison looked so embarrassed that she almost felt sorry for her for a brief moment.
"I'll just go. I was looking for Dr... ehrm, eh. Dr. O'Malley."
She almost ran out of there.
Izzie sat down on the bench in front of her locker, put her face in her hands, her shoulders slumped.
"Damn it!" she swore under her breath. Her skin was on fire. She had pretended to be offended by Addison's roaming eyes, but her treacherous body had desired them, craved them. That look in Addison's eyes, the way she used to look lying in her arms; Izzie still craved that look more than anything. And she had looked stunning, as usual, in her crisp white coat and silk top. Izzie wanted to run after her and rip those buttons out of her pristine shirt and ruin her lipstick, the old bright shade, Izzie noticed, and dishevel her hair. And she really, really wanted to fall asleep spooning her again. So she was over Addison, huh? Nice try, Izzie Stevens...
Addison saw Izzie again later that afternoon, leaning back against the nurses station. She knew damn well that she should run in the opposite direction...
"Excuse me, Dr Stevens."
She knew this was wrong on so many levels, but she simply couldn't help it... Her body was screaming at her getclosergetclosergetcloser as she reached behind Izzie for a random chart conveniently located several inches behind the intern. Her skin ached from her closeness. She let the scent of Isobel Stevens fill her nostrils, while trying not to be too obvious about breathing her in.
Izzie also struggled with her breathing as Addison leant into her slowly... so very slowly... Inches, an inch, less than an inch... Addison's body heat caressed her. Even though the attending wasn't actually touching her, she might as well have been, so palpable was her presence. Her grasp of the edge of the desk made her knuckles white with the effort of not touching her. One breath at a time, Izzie focused on making air enter and exit her lungs, in, out, in, out. Let's focus on breathing and not on Addison's lips, so close to her own, so ready for kissing, or the warmth of her breath on her ear and neck... donttouchherdon'ttouchherdon'ttouchher. And she didn't. Just barely.
As Addison pulled back (was that a look of disappointment on her face?) Izzie's hands were shaking with the effort of not touching her and she really wanted to run to the ladies room and hide, but she couldn't because that's where Addison seemed to be going. The supply closet it was, then...
Addison splashed cold water on her face and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were feverishly bright and her cheeks burned crimson. She could see her own pulse beating erratically, the din of her own body so loud she couldn't hear herself think.
"Damn it!" she spat at her mirror image as she mused once again on the turmoil of feelings that Isobel Stevens evoked in her. Her mind was confused. Unfortunately, her body was not.
Back in her office, she drew a shuddering breath and compelled herself to dial the number. It was painful and sad and ended this life as she knew it, but it had to be done. For her. And more importantly, for Isobel.
"Hi... It's Addison. I've thought about your offer."
She should have felt relieved when the decision was made. Happy, even. Really, she should. But mostly, she just felt... sad. She had had so many dreams when she came to Seattle Grace. All of them were gone now.
Izzie had made her enjoy life again. And now she had to start all over again. She wasn't sure she could muster up the energy for new dreams... Addison sighed and checked her make-up in a mirror she passed as she went to find her.
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