DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine, nor is the programme. They belong to the folk who made them. I do not claim them in any shape or form.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first fiction, inspired by discovering fiction. It's been a long time since I've seen the show, so can't remember the dates of when it took place. Also, it takes place from after the end of the series. The title sucks, but I couldn't think of another. I would love to know what you all think.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Sam kissed the ruby lips below her before rolling onto her back. She pulled up the sheet to cover herself up, before letting out a sigh. The woman next to her rolled onto her side. She wore a lazy smile as she lifted her hand to move some of the brunette's curls from her face.
"Are you okay?"
Sam only nodded in response. Jamie moved closer to her. "Are you sure? You weren't quite there with me."
Sam nodded again before turning her face and looking into the deep emerald eyes. Those eyes were brimming with concern, and with love. Sam sighed again. 'I'm such a bitch' the thought swept through her mind so rapidly, she had to look away again.
She whispered, "I'm just tired."
Jamie knew her girlfriend well enough not to push her, yet, she also knew that she didn't know Sam at all. She loved the mysterious brunette almost immediately after they met. She knew that Sam didn't love her as much as she did her, but that was fine. She didn't know any couple that loved each other the same, so why would her situation be any different. She just wished Sam would open up, tell her something new. As far as she understood , there was no life for Sam before New York. Yet, she knew if she pushed, it would lead to an argument.
Sam laid there, pretending to be asleep, waiting for the auburn next to her to drift off. When she heard the even breathing, she slid out of bed, careful not to make any noise. She pulled on her robe and walked into the living area. She stood by the window and watched the cars below her. She let the silence and darkness absorb her before she let her thoughts drift to that night three months earlier. Brooke.
She wondered what the blonde was doing. Was she back in New York? Did she hate her for not phoning? Did she think about her?
Sam sighed as she sat in the armchair next to the window. If she concentrated hare enough, she could see the people sleeping in the apartment opposite her, but she wasn't concentrating. She was trying to convince herself that it was best not to see Brooke again. She couldn't go back to all that. It didn't feel right. Being with Brooke that night didn't feel right. It felt like they were strangers. If Sam was honest with herself, she knew that was true. She knew nothing about Brooke, the twenty-four year old, just as Brooke knew nothing about her. Those painful two hours taught her that one thing. That and that the blonde sure could kiss. Sam let herself smile at that memory.
"McPherson, in my office. Now!" Sam shuddered as she heard her editor shout across the floor. She glanced up and could only see his back as he marched into his office, slamming the door behind him. Sam knew everyone was looking at her but she ignored them. She also knew that they would be starting a pool, making bets on what she did wrong and how she would be punished. They didn't know that she knew, but she did. She scraped her chair across the ground as she stood up and walked to her boss's office. She was trying to think of what she had done wrong. 'Must be the sex-offenders article.' She opened the door and stood in the doorway. Her boss's desk was the opposite of hers. Immaculate, and highly organised. Jeff was scribbling some notes on the article she had written. She was right. It was the sex offenders article. He glanced up at her.
"Sit down, already."
Sam closed the door before sitting opposite the obviously irate man before her. He threw the article at her. "What the hell is this crap?"
Sam shrugged. "It's what you told me to do."
"Are you trying to piss me off?"
Sam shrugged again, and scanned his notes. She smiled. "Jeff, this is ridiculous! You can't expect me to do that "
"Sam, you will do exactly that! I know you like to believe that you're saving the world! But you're not! And the readers will not read anything as scandalous as this! You will change it!"
Sam waited for the threat that never came. "What if I don't?"
Jeff sighed. He truly respected Sam as a journalist but sometimes she pushed the boundaries too far. He knew that the brunette believed in what she wrote and wouldn't write otherwise. He also knew that she wasn't doing her best and hadn't been for a few months.
"You'll take a vacation."
Sam looked stunned. This was not what she was expecting. "I don't need a vacation. What the hell would I do with a vacation?"
Jeff laughed and the young woman's shock. "I don't know relax. Sam, you need to take some time off."
Sam shook her head. "I'll rewrite the article."
It was now Jeff's turn to be shocked. "If I knew it was this easy I would suggest taking vacations more often. Sam, look. You're one of the best I've got and I am concerned about you. You work more than anyone else here. You need to take a break or you'll burn out."
Sam stood up and took the notes. She went to the door. "I'll rewrite the piece."
She left, leaving an increasingly-worried man behind.
Sam returned to her desk, again ignoring her colleagues. She dropped the notes as she sat down. She then banged her head off the desk. 'I can't take a vacation.' She knew that time off would make her think and she couldn't bear that.
The phone ringing woke Sam from her on-coming depression. She groaned as she picked it up.
"Hello, McPherson speaking she what? is she okay? Shit I'll be right there"
Sam grabbed her bag and ran from the office, ignoring everything and everyone as she raced from the building.
She tore through the double doors and straight to the desk. Barely able to breathe, she shouted hoarsely at the bewildered receptionist. "Jamie Adams where is she?"
"Are you family?"
Sam looked at the middle-aged woman as if she had two heads. "I'm her partner you all phoned me! Where is she?"
The receptionist appeared to be hiding her disgust as she pointed to the seats. "Take a seat and the doctor will be right with you."
Sam wanted to shake the woman but did as she was told. She looked at the cream walls, and the white floors and thought that all hospitals looked the same. She remembered the last time she was in a hospital and shook her head. She didn't want to remember that day at all. Her memories dug further back to the second last time she was in a hospital.
Sam watched as Mike paced the floors, followed closely by Harrison. Worried looks etched onto their faces. She glanced at her mother who was struggling not to cry as she cradled an infant Mac. Behind her sat Carmen who was sobbing and Lily who was cuddled to her husband Josh. How she hated hospitals.
She studied the cream walls once more letting the events of the night wash over. 'How did this even happen?' She could remember Brooke running from the table after Harrison had picked her, exclaiming that this wasn't supposed to happen. Sam followed her and watched the car race towards the blonde. She called out her name but it was too late. She watched the blonde try to run but to be hit the edge of the bumper. Her body bounced of the car before hitting the ground. The car kept going, it's tires could be heard squealing as it hit head-first into the hotel.
Brooke's body was ashen and un-moving, yet there was only a trickle of blood from her temple. 'If there's no blood, why isn't she moving?'
Sam knelt beside her, screaming at the door-man to call an ambulance.
"Brooke wake up. Please, wake up! O God! Don't die I can't lose anyone else." The tears streamed down her cheeks as she begged the deathly-pale blonde to live. Her words became incomprehensible as her tears gave way to heart-wrenching sobs. She felt herself being pulled away by Harrison as the paramedics approached.
Sam looked up at the clock again. "What are they doing? It's been six hours already!"
"Sam, calm down." Her mother asked in hushed tones as she cradled the baby closer to her. Sam stood up and approached the double doors or the surgery. She peered through the thin glass, hoping to see some sign of life. She turned around, upset and angry wanting to throw something. She slid down against the wall, pulling her knees towards her, as she remembered what the doctor had said earlier.
"Brooke has suffered some serious internal injuries, which we need to repair immediately. We will have to remove her spleen and try to stop the bleeding around the liver."
"Oh God!" Mike uttered as he paled. The doctor nodded as he continued.
"We have our best team of surgeons here we will also need to mend her hip and upper leg, which were also broken we will do everything we can."
The doctor toughed Mike's shoulder as he turned to leave. He stopped at the double doors and looked back at the worried family. "The other driver wasn't so lucky. I understand you knew her."
"Knew? You mean " Sam said shakily.
The doctor nodded. "I'm afraid so Ms. Julian's injuries were too extensive. She died. I am sorry for your loss"
Sam glanced up at her mother as her baby sister started stirring.
"I need to feed her," Jane stated to no one in particular as she left. Sam thought bitterly as the doctor's words echoed in her mind.
'Sorry for your loss . I'm not she tried to kill Brooke.' Sam glanced back at the double doors. 'Please, Brooke live.'
She let her thoughts drift to what would be the Kennedy High School students reactions to Nicole's death.
"She deserved it she was evil." That would probably be the most immediate reaction, then a few months down the line, it would be. "Remember Nicole Julian wasn't it sad what happened?" Then a few years down the line it would be. "Nicole Julian was a great friend I miss her." Sam laughed as she thought how death affects the memory.
"Are you okay, Sam?"
Sam hadn't realised she laughed out loud as she looked up to Lily who had posed the question.
"This is shit! People are going to mourn Nicole even though she tried to kill Brooke. What the fuck is wrong with people? Why did she do it?"
Lily left her husband's side to slide down beside Sam and pull her into a hug. "No one is mourning Nicole yet Sam, sh! Brooke is going to be okay."
Sam looked up at her best friend. "What if she isn't? How am I going to live with out her? I love her how am I to live, Lily? How?"
Sam's whispers were hoarse and only heard by Lily who was momentarily stunned by the crying girl's admittance. She shook it off and hugged Sam to her.
The double doors flew open and both girls jumped to their feet to hear the doctor's news.
*End of Flashback*
Sam sighed as she let the importance of that memory sink in. 'Brooke I am such an idiot' She thought as she watched the receptionist point her out to the doctor. Sam stood as the doctor approached her.
Sam nodded, "How is she?"
"Jamie was lucky the fall left her with a concussion and a broken arm and a fractured ankle. She'll need some rest for a while, but there's no reason she shouldn't be as good as new in a few weeks."
Sam smiled with relief, "Oh thank God!"
"Would you like to see her?"
Sam walked into the room and saw that Jamie was sleeping. She crept quietly to the chair beside the bed and sat down. Jamie stirred and turned her head and opened her eyes. She smiled when she saw the brunette.
"Hey," she whispered.
"Hey back you're going to be fine."
Jamie nodded and winced as the movement made her head hurt. "How are you?"
The brunette smiled before frowning as she saw the seriousness on her girl-friend's face. "Are you okay?"
Jamie shook her head and felt tears falling. "No, Sam. I'm not we need to talk."
Sam knew what those words meant and she reached out her hand to touch the injured woman's arm.
"We can talk when you're better "
She was surprised when Jamie shook her off. "No, we're going to talk now and Sam, I want you to be honest."
Sam whispered, "Okay."
"I've been thinking for months now that this isn't working. I love you so much but I deserve something more than what you give me." Jamie watched Sam's face and saw she was saying the right things which urged her to continue. "You don't see a life-long commitment, do you?"
Sam wanted to say something positive but the emerald eyes staring at her told her to be honest. She shook her head. "You don't love me I mean you're not in love with me?"
Again Sam shook her head. "I'm so sorry Jamie I really tried."
Jamie smiled weakly, "I know one more thing and please tell me the truth."
Sam nodded and kissed the woman's hand in apology.
"Are you in love with someone else?"
Sam gasped at the question. She leant back in her chair. "I've never cheated on you."
"I know that but that's not what I asked."
Sam thought for a moment. She watched Jamie study her intently. She nodded.
"I am I've loved her for years but I've screwed up and she's never going to want me."
Jamie let her hand stroke the dark hair as Sam rested her head on the bed. Jamie's heart broke as she heard the sobs wrack their way through the smaller woman's body. This was the Sam she wanted to see, and it pained her to know that she wasn't the woman that could meet her. She lifted the brunette's face up and coaxed her towards her. She pressed her lips lightly against the brunette's and whispered, "Sam please go!"
Sam stood and stopped at the door. She turned to see her now ex-girlfriend weeping softly. "I'm so sorry Jamie."
As she closed the door, she pulled out her cell. After waiting for an answer she spoke.
"Jeff, I will take that vacation."
Sam could hear nothing as she stood by the covered swimming pool. A few leaves billowed around her feet as she peered through the glass. There was no sign of life inside. Everything had been locked up, which would be normal when a house was empty, but this didn't explain the swimming pool being covered up. It was still warm. She could see the handlebars of a child's bike peeking out from behind the staircase.
"So some one lives here," She spoke to no one in particular.
The outside of the building looked the same and the indoor décor was the same, yet it all seemed completely different. Sam struggled with the thought that this was where she spent three years of her life. She stood back and hugged herself in comfort as she again studied the 'palace'. She allowed glimpses of memories from those three years come back, but refused to focus on them.
Yet, she couldn't help but weep.
"Excuse me, miss, are you okay?"
Sam jumped at the unfamiliar voice and turned to see an elderly man with a gentle face watch her with curiosity and concern. Sam nodded.
"The Mr. McQueen is away at the moment can I say who called by?"
Sam shook her head and smiled weakly, "No, it's okay I " She couldn't form an explanation for this kind neighbour without crying again. " I'll come back."
Sam ran from the unfamiliarity of what was once her home and didn't stop until she was in the comfort of her rented car, and had driven to where the house was no longer visible. She pulled over near the park, and banged her head on the steering wheel. She had no idea how to start looking for Brooke, and her courage was beginning to fail her. She glanced at the park to see only mothers with small children. She sighed as she was once again reminded of what she had missed with her younger sister's childhood.
She started the engine and drove.
Sam looked up at the direction of the voice. All she could see were countless heads of teenagers, none of whom she thought would be the owner of the voice. She glanced around.
"Sam! Oh My God! Sam!"
Sam suddenly recognised the voice and before she could see the face, she felt herself tightened into a hug. When she was released she looked into the warm eyes she had not seen in several years and smiled.
She studied her former childhood friend as she herself was being studied. Carmen hadn't changed in the slightest, maybe appeared to be more mature, but she was the same person.
"What are you doing here?"
Sam shook her head and asked the same question.
Carmen laughed, "I work here " Carmen laughed again at Sam's stunned face. "Yeah, I am a teacher and there is no way we were as bad as these kids."
Sam watched the eager students tear away from her former school building and looked back at Carmen who was looking at her impatiently.
"What are you doing here? I heard you were in New York. And you are a journalist, which is great I mean, that's what you always wanted I am happy for you. But why are you back? Not that I'm not happy to see you. It's great you look great oh, stop me."
Carmen laughed embarrassedly while Sam grinned. "I came back to I don't know."
"You want to grab a coffee?"
" she's beautiful. She has the tiniest hands and feet but that comes from being a baby "
Sam barely paid attention to Carmen as she babbled on about what her other high school friends were doing. She was concentrating on fighting her tears and her guilt for missing everything.
" and she eats dinosaurs I mean literally giant Jurassic Park dinosaurs for breakfast and if she's good she gets to chew Barney's head for supper."
"You haven't heard a single word I've said, have you?"
Sam shook her head, feeling her cheeks redden. Carmen smiled with concern.
"Sam, what's going on? You can still talk to me."
Sam gulped before making eye contact with the other brunette.
"I've made a mess of everything I've missed everything and I don't know anything anymore I've been such a selfish bitch."
Carmen rested her hand on Sam's arm in comfort. "You weren't. You were going through a major trauma sure, we missed you and wondered where you were, but then Brooke told us you went to your grandmother, and then she told us you were in New York "
Sam couldn't help but burst into tears at the mention of Brooke's name.
"Sam, what happened?"
"She hates me."
"Who? Brooke? No, she doesn't she told us she saw you a few months ago, and how well you were doing she was happy to know you were okay."
Sam couldn't control her sobs. Carmen stood and moved to the smaller woman's side of the table, and pulled her into a hug, feeling Sam shake against her. Carmen felt tears well up in her own eyes, out of sympathy, out of missing her friend.
"Do you know where she is?"
Carmen glanced up from her cup of coffee. Barely a word had been spoken in the last thirty minutes as they both composed themselves.
"Yeah, she works at Alcott and James the law firm."
"She's a lawyer?"
Carmen nodded, feeling some pride in her friends all over again. "Are you going to see her?"
"I should I have so much to say, but I don't know where to start."
"Julie Andrews says that a good place to begin is the very beginning."
Sam laughed for the first time since arriving in California. "Thanks Carm."
Sam dawdled around the elevators, not wanting to leave but not quite wanting to go to the receptionist desk. She watched as the young man behind the desk expertly answered the phones and typed into the computer. 'And I thought men couldn't multi-task.' She thought wryly as she observed the numerous people that walked past her, oblivious to her. She heard the ping of the elevator behind her, and she smelt her before she heard her.
Sam turned and smiled weakly at the woman who tormented her dreams. Brooke looked immaculate in her black suit and white shirt. 'God, she's gorgeous.' Sam thought as she watched the blonde approach her.
"What are you doing here?"
Sam looked down in shame at the slight anger in Brooke's voice. "I came to see you I needed to tell you you have a new neighbour."
Brooke looked at her in confusion. Sam noticed this and continued. "I mean the old guy at the palace."
"You went to the palace?"
"Dad and Mac are away."
Sam nodded again.
"Why are you here, Sam? Why didn't you phone?"
Sam could see that the taller woman was hurt. She felt her own cheeks redden. "I'm sorry. I was scared "
"Scared of what?"
Sam looked around, and knew she didn't want this conversation here. Brooke noticed this and stepped closer to the brunette.
"Sam you hurt me " Brooke sighed. "Where are you staying? I'll come see you after work."
Sam couldn't stay still for a moment as she paced her hotel room. She straightened the bed sheet for what must have been the umpteenth time since she returned from the law firm. She sat down and the stood up, trying to figure out what to say to Brooke. She knew she had to tell Brooke everything she felt for her. She had to or she wouldn't be able to live. She hadn't lived since the last day she was in California and she really wanted to live again. She knew Brooke was her way to do just that.
Sam jumped at the knock at the door and nervously opened it. Brooke smiled softly at the brunette as she walked in. She was glad to see that the smaller woman was as nervous as she was.
"Do you want something to drink?" Sam asked pointing to the mini-bar.
"Wine, if you have it "
"You're a lawyer?" Sam knew it was a stupid question as she already knew the answer but it was something to say as she poured the wine. She passed Brooke a glass and sat on the bed as Brooke sat on the armchair.
Sam tucked her feet in under her as she watched Brooke take her jacket off. Brooke lifted her hazel eyes and Sam looked into them. She sighed.
"Brooke, there's so much I need to say to you and I really don't want you to interrupt I know I don't deserve it, but will you listen to me?"
Brooke nodded. Sam took a deep breath.
"I am so sorry I ran away after Mom died I am so sorry I left Mac behind, and Mike, and my friends, and most of all you. I never stopped thinking about any of you, and sometimes I wanted to come back and be with you, but I was too scared . I didn't want to lose anyone else " Sam took another breath, and drank deeply from her glass before looking back at Brooke. The blonde's face was devoid of emotion. "I missed you so much."
"You've missed me? Jesus! Sam! Why did you go? All you thought about was yourself. You never for once thought that I'd be mourning as well, that I needed you Fuck!"
Sam jumped at the sudden explosion of rage from Brooke. Brooke stood and paced the room before turning on the brunette. "I lost a mother too I almost lost a father. Dad was so heart-broken I raised Mac you should have been there to help me " Brooke's voice cracked as sobs came with her anger. "And more than that Sam I lost you! And you didn't care!"
Sam swallowed her tears.
"Brooke, I did care. I could never stop fuckin' thinking about you. I've loved you for so long, and it killed me, because I knew you wouldn't love me the same way back. I thought I could deal with it, but after Mom died you were all I had left, and knowing you would reject me God! I couldn't lose anyone else."
Sam lost her battle with her tears and let herself cry softly. She buried her face into her hands and felt weight next to her. She felt herself being pulled into a hug and let herself breathe in the woman she adored.
As her tears subsided, she pulled back and saw tears glistening in Brooke's eyes. She let her eyes wander to the blonde's lips, and licked her own lips. She leaned forward and took those lips gently between her own. Sam caressed Brooke's lips tenderly and with love. She felt the blonde stiffen at the contact but didn't pull away. She nipped and licked the blonde's lips, leaning into her. She felt Brooke relax and slowly respond to the kiss. She allowed the kiss build in its passion, teasing Brooke to part her lips so she could slip her own tongue inside. She heard Brooke gasp as she explored every contour of her mouth. Sam started to push Brooke back on the bed, the kiss was speeding in passion and excitement. As Brooke felt her back hit the mattress below her, she pushed Sam off and stood up. She grabbed her jacket and put it on, and walked to the door.
Sam knelt up on the bed and watched Brooke in surprise and sadness. "Brooke?"
Brooke stopped at the door and turned around. Her hair was slightly dishevelled, her cheeks flushed and her lips swollen. She looked at Sam and spoke in barely a whisper, "Sam, I can't I'm not gay I'm engaged Oh God!"
As the words left Sam's lips, the door was already shut, and Brooke was gone.
Sam sank backwards on the bed and felt her heart breaking all over again. She could barely breathe as her throat was constricted from her sobs. Pain and loss wracked through her body as she mourned another loss.
Sam stirred when she heard the door knock, and she glanced at the clock. The red digits told her it was two twenty four in the morning. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness and heard the knock again, more impatient this time. She pulled herself of the bed, muttering obscenities. She pulled the door open, ready to shout at whoever was on the other side.
Sam gasped. She studied the blonde, who had obviously not been home since she left her six hours earlier. Brooke had been crying, and her eyes were threatening to spill more tears. She stepped closer to Sam and looked deeply in her dark eyes. She whispered, "I'm not gay"
She grabbed Sam, weaving her fingers through her hair, and pulled her lips to her own. Sam moaned as Brooke plunged her tongue into her mouth, not leaving any part unexplored. The blonde's hands travelled all over the smaller body, pushing Sam backwards, and kicking the door shut. She spun Sam around and pinned her to the door, dragging her lips away from the full lips, licking, nipping and kissing her path down Sam's jaw line and along her neck, before biting into her neck. Sam groaned loudly at this and let her hands feel the heat from the blonde as she let her hands slide under the jacket, yanking the offending material off. She lifted her arms so Brooke could remove her tank top. She moaned loudly as she felt her nipple being sucked by the blonde. There was nothing gentle about Brooke's tongue and teeth as the nipped and sucked the nipple, her fingers pinching the other. Sam cried loudly as she grabbed Brooke's head, fingers clutching strands on blonde hair. Brooke let her other hand wander down to the smaller woman's slacks, pulling at them. Sam pushed Brooke backwards, ripping of the blonde's shirt in the process. She grabbed the breast through the lace bra, and felt her slacks being pulled down. She stepped out of them as pushed Brooke back onto the bed. Brooke fell onto the bed with little grace, pulling Sam down to her. Brooke grabbed Sam's breasts with both hands, tweaking the nipples as Sam lowered her head, opening the front clasp of the bra. She flicked her tongue over one nipple and pinched the other with her fingers. Brooke gasped at the contact, and lowered her hand to slide under the waistband of Sam's panties. Sam groaned into the breast at the contact. She pulled upwards and tore of the button of Brooke's pants, sliding them along with the lace panties down the long, tanned legs. She crawled back up and kissed the blonde's lips fiercely as she let her fingers trail down the toned torso, feeling the heat emanate from the blonde's core. Brooke moaned as she felt fingers sliding through her nether lips, rubbing against her clit. She dug her nails into Sam's back as Sam entered her with one finger. Sam sat upwards again to straddle the blonde's thigh, using her knee to pus, now two fingers deeper inside Brooke. Brooke moaned loudly, before biting her lip. She placed both hands on Sam's chest as if to support her upright. She let her hips match the motion of Sam's fingers, a motion that was becoming very rapid. She scraped her nails down Sam's front back into the panties. Sam screamed as she felt three fingers penetrate deeply in her. She rode those fingers with the same amount of speed she was plunging her own fingers into Brooke. Sheens of sweat dressed the women as they moaned and writhed against each other. The screams of their climaxes shook the room or appeared to do. Sam collapsed on top of the blonde. As she regained her own breath she withdrew her fingers from Brooke, and felt the blonde do the same. She sucked her fingers, and tasted the blonde. She smiled as she looked into the glazed, hazel eyes that stared up at her. She kissed the lips below her softly, this being a kiss of love. Brooke kissed her back with the same tenderness. Sam rolled onto the side, and pulled Brooke to her.
Brooke woke with a start and stared up the ceiling. She closed her eyes as she let the memories come back to her. She licked her lips, and turned her head. Sam was sleeping deeply. Brooke moved the arm thrown over her waist carefully and slid out of the bed. She glanced out of the window and saw that the sun was slowly making its entry into the day. She stood up straight and searched for her clothing.
Brooke watched Sam sleep as she buttoned her jacket. She felt her tears stream down her face, as she left the note on the pillow.
She couldn't love Sam because she still hated her.
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