DISCLAIMER: Xena Warrior Princess and its characters are the property of Renaissance Pictures and MCA.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My deepest and most heartfelt thanks to the beta of champions, csibuckeye for sticking with me through the writing of this story. You are more than a beta, you are my soul sister. May I never have to write a single word without you to beta it.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
CHALLENGE: Written for Epic Proportions 2009.

Dark Night
By daphne dangerlove

Chapter 1

Had it only been five years?

Jenna shivered, pulling her coat more tightly around her body as if she could somehow ward off uncertainty the same way she protected herself from the chill of a California evening. She'd managed to avoid this moment for years, and she couldn't quite put her finger on what had brought her here after all this time. But here she was, staring at the double doors in front of her as if they held the answers she sought. She often wondered why things unfolded the way that they did; why the life that she had expected had slipped so easily through her hands.

She'd been so close to everything she wanted, everything she'd worked so hard for…but in an instant it was all gone. Was it a crime to want even a little of it back?

"Excuse me." A soft voice cut into her thoughts as a woman brushed by her. She smiled at Jenna as she passed, wisps of pale blonde hair peeking out from beneath her dark hood, and then she was gone, leaving only a faint hint of rosemary in her wake.

Jenna watched her disappear behind the tinted glass with a hint of envy. At one time during her life, she had flown through doors like these, finding the only true joy she had ever known behind them. Reaching out she traced the letters emblazoned in gold across the door front.

A rush of warm, air caught her as she pulled the door open, and she could hear soft strains of music wafting toward her as she stepped over the threshold. Within the space of a heartbeat, the years fell away from her. It was as if nothing had changed and she was right back where she belonged.

Lily sighed as she closed her laptop and tucked it into her hemp messenger bag. Glancing at her watch she was relieved to see it was almost seven. Maya's last class would be getting out any minute, and she was anxious to meet up with her sister. She could use some caffeine after two hours of writing. Rising to her feet, she glanced around the room, trying to calculate the number of hours she'd spent waiting for Maya in practice rooms identical to the one she was standing in. As much as it irritated her to admit it, her older sister could take credit for her love of writing; tired of hearing Lily complain about the length of her classes, she'd tossed her a notebook and told her to write it down. Lily had picked up a pen and never looked back.

Ballet was a family tradition that had never suited Lily, but Maya had been born for it. Lily never ceased to wonder at the grace with which her sister moved when she was on stage; so very different from the way she moved through her life. Catching sight of her reflection, she took a step towards the mirror that covered the expanse of the entire wall in front of her. Brushing a few pale strands of hair away from her face, she headed down the hall to find Maya.

The door was still closed, and she could hear the occasional note of music floating down towards her, but it was the voice she heard calling out counts that stopped her in her tracks. Maya's voice was sharp, and often high pitched. This voice was far more melodious, and melded with the music until it became part of it. Intrigued, Lily stepped closer to the door and peered through the narrow window.

The tall, willowy figure in the front of the room was definitely not her sister. Clad entirely in black, she moved as if she walked on air, pausing occasionally to correct posture or the turn of a foot. But it was when she returned to the front of the room and looked up, as if she somehow knew she was being watched, that Lily forgot to breathe.

Even from where she stood, the intensity of those blue eyes could not be missed. Lily stood transfixed, unable to shake the feeling of familiarity that crept over her. Her mind raced as she turned away from the door, trying to pull the pieces of her memory together. It had been a long time, but there was something unmistakable in the way this woman seemed to move around the room.

Dropping her bag, she leaned against the wall. And it was as if the universe had heard her question, and delivered the answer. A poster hung on the wall across from her and the resemblance was unmistakable. She took a few steps down the hall, reaching out to trace the edge of the frame with the tip of her finger as she studied the woman caught in flight, her dark hair streaming behind her. How was it that she had walked this hall a hundred times, yet never looked at this picture, never been so moved by the beauty captured in that singular moment?

Looking down at the very bottom of the picture, she saw a name printed in impossibly tiny letters: Jenna Malone. And then it all became clear. Maya had told her once that when Jenna was dancing, it was as if no one could touch her. The way that she moved could never be learned; it was simply a gift.

Years later, Jenna's name had come up again, this time as the financial benefactor for the dance studio Maya was planning on opening. Jenna's only caveat was that she would have nothing to do with the studio itself, and until this moment, Lily was certain that Jenna had held Maya to that promise. Maya had never cared enough to ask Jenna why she didn't want to be part of the studio, but back then Lily had wondered what would make someone so obviously talented just walk away.

Lily was still standing in front of the poster when the door behind her opened and six young girls poured out, laughing and talking. She watched them walk down the hall and then turned back to the picture. She felt something akin to curiosity stir inside of her, as if it were awakening for the first time in her life. Lily had never been interested in ballet before, but now she found herself wondering where Jenna had been all this time and, most of all, why she was back.

Standing there, she realized the answers were within her grasp. She had just placed her hand on the door handle when music filled the air.

Jenna hesitated for a futile moment before pressing play on the cd player. Simply teaching a class would never be enough for her. It had been years though, since she had even tried a simple combination, much less allowed herself to become part of the music. The pull was irresistible, though, and the room faded away as her heart soared. She could feel her body's subtle protest with each turn, every time she leapt through the air. It was worth every minute of it, though, to be dancing again.

The ease with which it all returned should have surprised her, but it didn't. Instead, it gave her wings and she let them take her away. Everything that weighed her down fell from her shoulders and she gave herself over to the music, letting it guide her until it brought her gently back down to earth. She stayed there for a moment, her body folded into a perfect curtsey and her breath coming in short bursts, joy coursing through her veins.

"You're amazing." Lily rested her hand on the door knob.

Jenna looked up, surprised at the voice behind her. "I am out of shape." She wiped her hand across her forehead, pushing the dark fringe of her bangs out of her eyes as she studied the slim blonde woman leaning against the door frame. Clad in an olive sweater and black skirt that fell to her ankles, she had the greenest eyes that Jenna had ever seen. She couldn't shake the feeling that she saw something familiar in them, even from a distance.

"I didn't mean to intrude," Lily paused, fingering the crystal encrusted pendant that dangled from a silver chain around her neck. She suddenly felt self conscious under Jenna's gaze. She was startlingly beautiful, and Lily took a few steps closer to Jenna, drawn to her in a way that she could not explain. "I just couldn't help myself."

Jenna laughed a little, "I think I know that feeling." She turned, searching through her bag for a towel. She'd thought she was alone in the building, otherwise she never would have indulged herself; getting caught made her feel a little foolish.

"I've seen you dance before…it was a while back." Lily's voice was soft, as if she were making some sort of confession. "I've never seen anything so beautiful." Lily hadn't meant to be so frank, but it was the truth. Something had stirred deep inside of her as she watched Jenna dance and she could think of no other way to express herself.

Jenna shook her head, trying to hold back the blush that was creeping across her cheeks. "That was a lifetime ago." She wasn't quite ready to start digging up all of her past, she'd taken things too far already. "I think you have me at a disadvantage." Despite herself, Jenna found herself curious about the woman in front of her. You seem to know me, but…?"

"Lily Anderson. Maya is my sister. Usually we go for coffee or something after this class, but she neglected to inform me she wouldn't be here tonight." She smiled a little, thinking that her sister might have done her a favor after all.

"Whatever it was, she must have been desperate to call me." Maya had always adhered strictly to their agreement that Jenna would have nothing to do with the dance studio other than providing the financing So when Maya had asked for her help, she knew there was no one else to cover the class.

Lily knelt beside her, covering Jenna's hand with her own for a brief moment. "Join me?" She knew she was being forward, but she found she didn't care. This was a chance she was unwilling to pass up. If she had learned anything in her life so far, it was that she was the author of her own story. And the simple truth was that she wanted more of Jenna; more time to get lost in her eyes, to listen to the sound of her voice, to watch the grace that touched every movement she made.

Jenna looked up, and for a brief second her eyes met Lily's and she took a breath. Lily's touch was electric, and all she could think of was the warm hand on top of her own. "I-I really can't." She caught herself just before she was about to say yes.

Lily nodded slowly as she let out a breath. "I'm sure you have a family to get home to." She felt like she'd just lost something very important and the feeling caught her off guard.

Was that disappointment in Lily's eyes? "No family," she said softly, wondering why she was even bothering to admit this. The details of her life were irrelevant. "I'm just tired from the class." The excuse sounded lame, even to her ears.

Lily sensed an opening. "I'm going to head over to the Tea Leaf on 5^th, just in case you change your mind." She guessed a little freedom would go a lot further with Jenna than any other persuasive tactic she could employ.

Jenna looked at her for a moment, "I'll keep that in mind." She knew she wasn't ready to let people into her life again; besides, she liked things the way they were, didn't she?

Lily smiled at her, "I hope we meet again, Jenna."

Jenna sat there for a long time after she left, wondering how she could miss someone she didn't even know.

Lily was ensconced in an overstuffed loveseat tucked into a back corner of the Tea Leaf when Jenna appeared in the doorway. She couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face when she saw her; she was only half surprised to see her there. Lifting her hand, she waved Jenna over.

Jenna found Lily immediately, even through the dim light. She nodded to acknowledge Lily's wave, then proceeded to the counter to order some tea. She wasn't entirely certain what she was doing was wise, and she had turned around more than once on her way to the café. But there was a significant part of her that told her there was more to Lily than met eye.

She sat down on the loveseat next to Lily, inhaling the spicy warm scent of her tea and letting it soothe away some of her apprehension. She needn't have worried though; she found sitting next to Lily calming in its own right. "You come here often?"

Lily nodded, settling back and allowing herself a few moments to study the woman next to her. Jenna's dark hair hung loosely about her face, a stark contrast to her fair skin. "I like to write here." She averted her eyes for a moment, "Usually it's just me and the laptop."

Jenna considered that for a moment, realizing that Lily was letting her in on something very private to her. "You write?" The questions she wanted to ask Lily were already piling up.

Lily nodded, "Greeting cards. It's nothing to write home about, but it pays the bills. When I was young, I thought I would be a poet, but then reality set in."

"That sounds pretty real to me. At least you are providing a valuable service to the word impaired like myself." Jenna tried to remember the last time she had sent a card to anyone, but the sad truth was that it had been far too long since she'd had anyone in her life to send a card to. For the first time in a while, she found herself thinking that maybe that needed to change.

"You don't look impaired in any way from where I am sitting." Lily's heart was beating with such speed, she thought that it might burst right out of her chest. She could not seem to figure exactly what it was about Jenna that made her speak with such honesty. But when she looked into the blue of Jenna's eyes, she could see such depth, such feeling, all hidden behind a cool exterior.

"You don't..." She searched her mind for the right words, "know what you are saying." For the first time in her life, she wanted more than what she had settled for over the past few years, but she was too afraid to spoil the tenuous bond that was forming between them.

"I do." Her voice was soft, almost territorial, as it curled around Jenna with gentle warmth.

Jenna felt heat rise in her cheeks, the truth burning on her tongue. She wanted nothing more than to lay it all out for Lily but she knew the cost would be too high. "I wish things could be different."

It was a cryptic comment at best, and Lily tried to see beyond it. She wanted to ask Jenna why she had stopped dancing. All Maya had ever shared was that Jenna's passion had simply faded away. She would have to earn Jenna's trust before she asked a question like that though, so she tried a change of subject. "Are you going to teach Maya's class again?"

"This was a one time deal." And now that she thought about it, she wondered exactly what she was doing. Somehow she had allowed herself to get caught up in the past, but no matter what had happened, she could never regret meeting Lily. At the very least, Lily had given her a glimpse of something that could have been.

"You have a gift; you should be sharing it with the world." None of this made sense to Lily, and no matter what Jenna said, there was no way she was just going to leave things the way that they were.

Jenna just shook her head. "Why did you ask me to come with you tonight?"

"I don't know." Lily thought about it for a moment, her impulsive behavior making her feel a little foolish. "There's just something about you, I wanted to get to know you better. Why did you come?"

Jenna smiled a little, looking down at her drink. "You are very different from your sister." It wasn't really an answer, but it was the truth. Lily's beauty encompassed so much more than the way she looked,; even knowing her such short time, Jenna could see that much.

Lily laughed out loud. "You don't know the half of it."

"You could tell me."

Lily looked down at her hands, twisting them in her lap. "It's not that interesting of a story. Let's just say that in my family, ballet is a way of life, but it just wasn't for me."

Jenna could see the sadness in Lily's eyes, even though she'd tried to hide it. "That must have been a pretty lonely way to grow up." If there was anything Jenna knew about, it was loneliness.

Lily shrugged. "Sometimes, but I got over it." For all the pain it had caused her as a child, it had also lead her to create a life filled with things that she loved. And now, she couldn't help but want Jenna to be part of her world.

"That's good, " Jenna said softly. "Not everyone does." She looked down at her empty cup,trying to resign herself to the thought that this was a onetime thing. "I'm glad we got the chance to talk. It was really nice to meet you Lily.""

"I'd like to see you again." Lily tried to hide her disappointment at Jenna' leaving. There were still so many things she wanted to know about Jenna. She knew she had to see her again.

Jenna shook her head. "You have to trust me, it's better this way." Jenna felt an incredible sadness pierce her heart, but fear held her back and she reached for her bag. She started to rise, but hesitated, turning back to face Lily.

Lily held her breath for a moment as she felt the tips of Jenna's fingers brush across the back of her hand, her touch saying things she could never find the words for. Hours later, the memory of that touch would still have Lily in its grasp, and sleep would not be hers until the truth fell from the tip of her pen.

Chapter 2

The next day dawned dark and bleak, the perfect mirror for Jenna's mood. She stood, looking out of the window in her study, watching the waves crash on the beach below. She'd been up half the night thinking about Lily. Twenty-four hours ago, her life had been orderly; everything in its assigned place, including her feelings. Despite its lack of excitement, it was a life, and for a time, she doubted she'd even have that. It had never really occurred to her that there might be something better out there for her.

Yet it seemed that in a blink of an eye, the universe had shown her all the things she was missing.

A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts and she turned away from the window. "Come in." Jenna smiled when her housekeeper came through the double doors balancing a plate of food on top of a large, white envelope. "Callie! Let me help you." She crossed the room quickly, lifting the plate from its precarious position and setting it on her desk before it could slip.

"That's your lunch. Greek salad." She nodded at Jenna, then handed her the envelope. "This just came by courier."

"I'm not expecting anything," she looked up at Callie as if she could provide an answer for its origin; she depended on her to take care of so many things in her life.

"I guess you are just going to have to open it." She smiled, "I'll be back for that plate and I expect it to be empty." She patted Jenna on the shoulder and slipped out of the room.

Jenna nodded, her attention already on the envelope. She turned it over in her hands, noting her name printed across the front in neat black letters, but there was nothing else that indicated its sender. Part of her was afraid to open it, but as she balanced its light weight on her palms a little thrill ran up and down her spine, landing in her stomach. It was rare that anyone sent her something that she wasn't expecting.

She slipped her fingers under the adhesive strip holding it closed, and gave it a shake, emptying the contents on the desk before her.

A square white envelope with her first name scrawled fluidly across the front dropped onto the blotter. Turning it over, she noted that it was unsealed. She lifted the flap on the envelope and pulled the card from it.

She sucked in a breath. The front was exquisite. A vine of green leaves twisted and looped across a pale blue background. She ran her fingers over the hand painted artwork, following the shape of each leaf. There was no question in her mind who the card was from. She took her time, letting every detail sink into her mind before she opened it and read the poem inside.

We are standing on the edge

I can feel it deep within,

Tugging in a place I have never been.

In my mind, I hear a whisper,

There is more to discover.

Once is not enough.

The words ran through Jenna's mind at a dizzying speed one after another; she read the poem again and again until each line was etched into her memory. Closing her eyes for a minute, she tried to still her thoughts. Every word that Lily had written pulled at her heart, made her think that things could really be different. Turning the card over, she discovered a phone number printed carefully along the bottom edge.

She had the phone in her hand and half the numbers dialed before she even realized what she was doing. Slamming the receiver back into the cradle, she pushed her chair away from the desk and stood up. Once had to be enough. Lily would want the truth, and Jenna feared it would be all too easy to tell her.

Returning to her spot by the window, she pressed the card to her chest, hoping to find solace in the water below. She was used to her life the way it was, and to tell Lily now would be to lose her. And that would be worse than having never had her. Jenna sighed softly, once was all there could be.

She glanced down at the card and felt tears sting the back of her eyes. She had made her choices a long time ago, and now she was determined to live with them.

She dreamed of fields of green.

They surrounded her, encompassed her, with their sweet scent. She reached out and touched them, letting the stems tickle her palms. She chose one in particular, tall and dotted with tiny blue flowers and broke off a length. Bringing it up to her nose, she inhaled the familiar fragrance and smiled; it smelled like home.

Jenna woke slowly, the images from her dream clinging to her mind. Opening her eyes, she was surprised to discover her hands were empty. In her mind's eye, she could see the field of green as clearly as if she held a picture of it in her hand.

Turning on the light, her eyes fell on Lily's card propped up on her nightstand. Reaching for it, she opened it again, noticing the faint scent that rose from the paper. Rosemary, she thought, with a hint of something sweet. It was familiar to her somehow, buried deep within the confines of her memory and now she knew it had something to do with Lily.

She barely knew this woman, yet the pull Jenna felt towards her was almost undeniable and every minute that passed lessened her resistance. Reason told her she shouldn't feel like this after only one meeting, but her connection to Lily was undeniable. What was it then that made her hold back when her heart was so clearly saying yes?

She set the card down and leaned back on her pillows. As she closed her eyes, the scent of rosemary surrounded her once again, lulling her back to sleep as only one thought filled her mind. Once is not enough.

Lily slept most of the morning away after being awake all night. She had gone over her conversation with Jenna at least a hundred times in her mind, but each time only left her with more questions than before. She knew she had to do something to put herself at ease, so she'd made the card. Knowing things were in Jenna's hands did not comfort her though; she'd seemed so hesitant, so unsure of herself.

Lily had always believed that things that were meant to be, would be. It had carried her far in life, given her confidence, but never had she come up against anything that spoke to her as deeply as the ache in Jenna's eyes. Lily could not imagine that whatever Jenna was holding onto was so terrible it would drive her away.

Coffee in hand, she headed out to her back porch, listening to the wind chimes that hung from the eaves as a gentle breeze coaxed a song from them. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath. Her herb garden was in full bloom, and the fragrant air soothed her soul.

Her mind wandered back to the previous night, to watching Jenna dance. She had been struck by the profound beauty of it, and before she knew it, she was in her workshop, pencil in hand. The body of a dancer stretched out before her, and then another, and another. They sprang from her memory, as the rush of water over a fall. She spread her drawings across the desk in front of her, and let them tell her a story. Words fell from the tip of her pencil, matching themselves to each picture with some kind of divine providence.

She was at her best when it was like this, when work was not work but simply an extension of herself. She had all of her artwork propped up in front of her when the ringing of the phone interrupted her thoughts. It took a moment for her to orient herself, and she nearly knocked her phone off the desk before she managed to flip it open. "Lily Anderson." She winced, realizing she sounded out of breath.

"Are you alright?"

"Jenna?" Lily was so surprised at the voice on the other end of the phone, she almost took a tumble to the floor.

"Is this a bad time?" Jenna's voice was tentative at best."I could call you back some other time."

"No." Lily sat back on her stool, willing herself to relax. "I was trying to beat voice mail." She collapsed onto the floor, rolling so that the wall supported her back. "I knocked over my pencil holder."

There was a moment of silence as Jenna debated how to proceed. "The card is beautiful."

There was something exceptionally vulnerable in her voice that touched Lily's heart. "What I wrote, it's the truth." She had to bite her tongue to keep from baring her soul; from admitting the loneliness that had been nipping at her heels for a long time was somehow eased in Jenna's presence.

Jenna closed her eyes. "I know," she said softly. She took a breath, "Meet me for lunch today." It wasn't even a question, it was more of an agreement. "Twelve thirty by the mermaid fountain downtown."

"I'll be there." Lily listened until she heard the gentle click that indicated that Jenna had hung up. Setting the phone down on the desk, she wandered out onto the patio to sit in the garden and think about the wonder of things.

"Callie?" Jenna wandered into the kitchen, still clad in her dark purple silk pajamas. "I need a favor."

Callie was crouched down, with her head in the cabinet under the sink. "And what would that be?" She emerged holding a tin watering can, and set it under the faucet to fill.

"Lunch." Jenna leaned back against the counter, the black marble cool against her back.

"I make you lunch everyday." She turned off the faucet, handing Jenna the watering can.

"No, I mean to go. For two." Even as the words came out of her mouth, she wondered at the sound of them and why on earth she had ever thought this was a good idea. But then she remembered the green of Lily's eyes, and her promise from the previous night echoed in her head.

Callie's eyebrows went up as she glanced over at her usually reclusive employer. "Is there something you want to tell me?" She couldn't remember the last time Jenna had eaten a meal outside the house, much less with someone else.

"It's nothing, just lunch with a friend. But I thought a picnic would be nice…. Maybe some of your cookies?" She headed over to the breakfast nook, watering the abundance of plants that Callie had filled the window seat with.

"Mhmm." Callie already had her head in the refrigerator, and was pulling out all sorts of bottles and boxes. "Care to give me any information about this friend?"

"She's just Maya's little sister. I promised I'd have lunch with her today. And you've spoiled me." She flashed Callie a shameless grin.

Callie rolled her eyes, "Flattery will get you everywhere." She laughed a little, "Does this have anything to do with that package you got yesterday?" The cookie bowl came down out of the cabinet. Jenna's blue eyes lit up, she could already taste the chocolate chips melting on her tongue.

"Yes." Jenna pushed off the counter, and headed for the chocolate chips Callie had just set down.

"You must have made quite an impression." Callie had most of the ingredients measured out and started mixing. She knew she would have better luck getting Jenna to talk if she didn't look directly at her.

"Impression? No. She certainly seems to have a lot of energy. We had coffee after I taught that class."

"I think it's been long enough, don't you?" Callie hesitated for bit, not wanting to push Jenna too far. "You need this."

Callie rarely commented on her life, though Jenna knew there had been very little to comment on over the past few years. She wanted to believe Callie, believe that she could finally let down her guard.

The stone ledge of the fountain felt cool to Lily's touch as she tried to focus on the cascade of water in front of her instead of the minutes ticking by on her watch. Jenna was late.

"Five minutes." She told the statue in front of her. "Maybe she couldn't find any where to park." The mermaid stared blankly back at her. She sighed, opening the flap on her bag intent on finding a penny: a wish couldn't hurt. Lily was so intent on her digging that she didn't notice the tall, dark figure approach her.

"Would this be what you are looking for?" Lily recognized the voice in a deep part of her soul. She turned, meeting sparkling blue eyes head on.

"Yes." Her voice came as a whisper. Jenna's tilted her head in a silent question, and Lily followed her gaze down. It was then that she realized that Jenna was referring to the shiny penny in her palm of her hand. "Oh.... Thanks."

Lily turned away, grateful for a moment to recover herself. She clutched the penny in her hand, but the last thing that she wanted to do was toss it into the dark pool in front of her. She wanted to hold onto it as tangible proof of this moment with Jenna.

"Aren't you going to make a wish?" Jenna leaned against the side of the fountain, setting the basket she was carrying on the ground beside her.

"A wish." Lily closed her eyes tightly, thinking of the only thing in life that she wanted, and sent Jenna's penny into the air. She didn't dare breathe until she heard the soft plunk that meant it had reached its destination.

"So are you going to tell me what you wished for?" Jenna was smiling at her. "After all I think that the wish is half mine."

Lily tilted her head as she stared back at her companion. Then she slowly shook her head, "I don't think I am ready to share yet." Her eyes held a hint of a challenge as she crossed her arms in front of her. "So what do you feel like for lunch?"

"Well..." Jenna held up the basket she had set down earlier, "I took the liberty of bringing us a picnic. We could go sit on the beach..." She let her voice trail off, as she noticed Lily's reaction.

"I think you might need to pinch me." Lily could not keep the look of utter disbelief off of her face. Jenna seemed to have switched gears over night.

Jenna grinned, "Don't tell me this is what you wished for."

"Not exactly." Lily answered, "I just thought..."

"What?" Jenna moved the basket to the edge of the fountain. Her arm had started to ache, and she was wondering what the heck Callie had packed in there to make it so heavy.

"I didn't think that you wanted to come and now you show up with the food..." Lily cast a quick glance at the fountain beside her, briefly considering emptying her wallet into the pool since she had gotten such a good return on her first wish. "You are an enigma."

Jenna stared at the ground. "I-It isn't that I didn't want to see you again. It's just...complicated." She tucked several strands of her dark hair behind her ear. "Look, this basket is getting to be a pain, let's find a place to sit down."

Lily sighed, she really couldn't argue with that. But she did know that there was something more going on behind those blue eyes than Jenna was willing to admit. "Alright." She slung her messenger bag over her shoulder. "I think I know a good spot for us."

They wandered down the beach awhile, until they found a grassy spot on the edge of the sand with the perfect blend of sun and shade. Lily was greatly impressed when Jenna managed to also produce a blanket for them to sit on.

"Am I allowed to ask what came over you this morning?" The smaller woman was kneeling on the ground, smoothing the wrinkles from the dark blue, heavily textured blanket Jenna had given her.

"Don't give me any credit." Jenna set the basket on the edge of the blanket, and began unpacking its contents.

"What are you talking about?" Lily watched a bowl filled with dark green leaves and topped with chunks of tomato, cucumber and cheese appear in front of her along with potato salad, bread and bottles of Perrier. This was shaping up to be the best meal she'd had in ages, for more than one reason. She took the china plates and silverware handed to her and set them out.

"My housekeeper took pity on us...I'm not much of a cook." Pale blue eyes caught Lily's for a moment, "I hope you like chicken because it looks like we have a lot of it."

The blonde woman smiled, "Chicken sounds great to me."

Working together in companionable silence, they managed to get the chicken, salad, bread, cheese and fruit laid out between them in a matter of minutes.

"Can I ask you something?" Lily was methodically cutting her chicken into bite size pieces.

Blue eyes searched her for a moment, "Depends..." She drew the word out in her uncertainty.

"What do you do? I mean I know you aren't dancing anymore, and I was just wondering..." Lily shifted popping a grape in her mouth. "If you recall, I admitted to writing greeting cards."

Jenna sighed, "I guess you could say that I'm between jobs right now...which is why your sister was able to convince me to take her class." She began to slice the peach she had chosen from the basket into pieces, half of which she subtly slipped onto Lily's plate.

Lily studied her for a moment, the soft beep from Jenna's watch interrupting her thoughts. Jenna pulled a bottle out of her bag, and shook a few pills into the palm of her hand. "Do you have a headache?"

Surprise flashed into Jenna's eyes, "I--Well, I had one this morning and I just don't want it back." She washed the pills down with a gulp from her water bottle.

Thoughtfully, Lily speared the peaches on her plate with her fork. That must have been some headache, the bottle Jenna had was definitely a prescription. "I don't usually get to eat like this, when it's just me, I don't really bother to cook." She couldn't help but think how nice it would be to actually have someone to cook for.

Jenna smiled, "Somehow that doesn't surprise me." She reached inside the basket and pulled out a package, which she handed to Lily. "I brought these as a special treat."

"Is this chocolate?" Lily was nearly rendered speechless by the mere scent of the cookies that Jenna handed her.

"Callie is a great cook, but there is nothing in the world like her chocolate chip cookies."

"I can't eat alone." Lily broke her cookie in half and offered the piece to Jenna. Jenna's fingers brushed hers as she reached out to take the treat, and for a moment, Lily felt things slow between them. She lifted her eyes to meet Jenna's, "Tell me there will be more than this between us? Dinners, maybe a movie?"

Lily's question made Jenna immediately uneasy, not because she didn't want to see Lily again, but because she did. It had taken a lot for her to even agree to this lunch; she wasn't quite ready to think about the future. "We can talk about that later," she said as she stood up. "Let's go take a walk down to the water."

Lily could hear the television blaring before she even pushed open the front door to her tiny cottage. She knew she would find Maya parked on the couch, probably hiding from her wedding planner. "Maya!" She tossed her keys into the purple ceramic bowl set on the table by the door; sure enough there was already another set of keys occupying it.

"In here." Maya was draped across Lily's dark green couch, a stack of diet coke cans in front of her and magazines piled around her. An infomercial promising younger looking skin held her attention and she barely looked at Lily when she entered the room

"So, is this your way of making up for skipping out on me?" Lily headed into the kitchen, stopping to search through the junk drawer for an elastic band before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

"I didn't mean to. I forgot to text you." Maya turned her soft brown eyes on Lily, knowing all would be forgiven in a moment or two.

"I'm sure you'll be happy to know that you did me a favor. Your replacement was kind enough to accompany me." She joined Maya on the couch, picking up the remote control and muting the volume. After such a delightful lunch with Jenna, she was feeling particularly high on life, and she was ready to do a little gloating.

"You can't mean Jenna?" Maya's attention was now on the magazine in her lap, and she spare Lily a glance.

"Yes." She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and secured it at the back of her neck.

"How in the holy heck did you manage to get Jenna to go to coffee with you?"

"You make it sound like I have some sort of communicable disease." Maya was actually looking at her now, and if she was honest with herself, her sister's lack of faith in her stung a little. "Maybe she liked me."

Maya shifted on the couch, tucking her legs under her and leaning forward. "Look, Lily, nothing personal, but I've known Jenna for years and I have never been to coffee with her."

"We had lunch today too." Lily realized that she had just done the equivalent of sticking her tongue out at her sister, but she couldn't help herself. She liked Jenna, probably a little more than she should, and there was no way Maya was going to burst the bubble of hope she had surrounded herself with.

"You can't be serious." Maya tugged restlessly on the end of her braid. Jenna was her business partner, and had been for several years. And that didn't even count the years that they had danced together. But in all of those years, Maya could not remember talking to Jenna about anything other than ballet.

"Have it your way." Lily smiled a little as she thought of the packet of chocolate chip cookies Jenna had tucked into her messenger bag. There was no way Maya was even getting a crumb now.

"I was just kidding. Of course I believe you. It's just that Jenna has always been…well, private." Maya really couldn't believe she was having this conversation with Lily; there was just no way that someone as serious as Jenna would pay even a small amount of attention to her flighty little sister.

"Well, maybe you can help me out." Lily tried to feign a confidence she did not feel. Maya had known Jenna for years though, and she might be able to help out.

"She's not your type." She could already see the stars in Lily's eyes, a definite precursor for disaster if the past was any indication. Lily always lead with her heart, putting her at odds with her pragmatic family; Maya had no patience for yet another broken heart.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. Jenna would never be interested in you like that."

"I wish you wouldn't be so quick to judge. I would like to have Jenna for a friend before anything else."

"Look, I've never known Jenna to date anyone. You asked my advice and I am telling you to leave it alone."

"I don't want to date her." At least not right away.. "I want to understand her."

"Forget it."

"Why did she stop dancing?"

"She was tired." Maya sighed, Lily was persistent if nothing else. "It showed on her body. She lost a lot of weight near the end." She picked up the remote control and turned the volume back up. "You are going to need to get fitted for your dress next week." Maya decided a subject change would be the best course of action. The truth was that Lily probably knew more about Jenna at this point than she did after ten years of knowing her.

"I'm going to take a shower." This conversation was going nowhere fast and she really just needed some time to think. If she had any luck, Maya would be gone when she got out.

Maya barely nodded as Lily wandered back to the bedroom, shedding her clothes as she walked. Wiggling her toes, she could still feel traces of sand between them from the short walk they'd taken down to the beach after lunch. She smiled, just thinking about walking along the waters edge, how the water had just come up to touch her toes, and how easy it would have been to take Jenna's hand in hers.

Turning the water on, she stepped into the spray letting the hot water course over her skin. Selecting a bottle from the ledge at the top of her shower, she poured a little gel on a sponge and rubbed it between her hands. The scent of rosemary and lime, one of her own design, rose up around her and she inhaled deeply.

All her life she'd felt like an outsider, as if she somehow heard music that no one else realized was playing. And even though she'd made a reasonable success out of her life, to this point she'd always known there was something missing. Today, with Jenna, she'd finally felt like there was some place in the world where she actually belonged.

When Lily emerged from the bathroom, Maya was standing in the middle of her room winding her long hair into a bun. She had changed her clothes and was getting ready to head over to the studio. "I just don't want you to get hurt." Maya turned to look at her.

It's a little late for that. Lily couldn't believe the irony of her situation. But she wasn't ready to admit what was going on with Jenna to her sister. "We're friends. I know it is hard for you to believe, but we are."

"She's not like you." Maya's arms were crossed over her chest, and she wasn't entirely sure who she was trying to protect, Lily or Jenna

"It wouldn't be the end of the world if she was." It would be the beginning of mine, Lily thought, turning away so Maya couldn't see the hot tears forming in her eyes. She knew that she was already gone when it came to Jenna, but something told her Jenna wasn't far behind. There was something in Jenna's eyes that spoke a truth that her lips could not.

"I'm just trying to save you some heartache."

"Don't ruin this for me."

Maya stepped forward, brushing Lily's cheek with her fingertips. "You are my sister. I love you. But I don't understand you." And with that, she was gone.

Lily headed out to the kitchen, yanked open the dishwasher and started unloading the contents onto the counter. Maya was right about one thing, she didn't understand. It would be futile to tell her that just the sound of Jenna's voice made the whole world fall away, that the touch of her hand made Lily's breath catch in her throat, that she would gladly give her heart to Jenna if only she would take it.

She was still shoving dishes into the cabinets when her phone rang. Picking it up, she looked at the display and smiled.

Chapter 3

Jenna held the phone pressed to her chest for just a moment after she hung up with Lily. She felt like she must be going a little crazy, but when Callie had told her she needed some time to help finish her grand-daughter's nursery, the thought of being alone for the evening left her with a hollow feeling. As someone who was used to being alone all the time, she wondered how that had all changed so quickly.

It wasn't so difficult to figure out, but it was hard to admit the truth. Lily was gently reshaping the landscape of her life, inspiring Jenna to reach out in ways that she never had before. And now as she lit the candles that were scattered around her living room, she realized just how much hope she was allowing herself; she had spread a white table cloth in the middle of the floor, a bucket of ice resting in the center, a bottle of white wine nestled in the clear chips. Silverware, plates and napkins rested to the side

As she dimmed the lights, she realized this was starting to feel very much like a date and instead of scaring the daylights out of her, she was actually looking forward to it. She was scrolling through her iPod looking for the perfect music when a tingle ran up her spine. And sure enough, when she turned around, her eyes met Lily's from across the room. She was standing just inside the doorway to the living room, on the very top step.

"The door was open," she said softly, "I hope you don't mind." Lily let herself have a moment to just take Jenna in. The black tank top and draw string pants she was wearing combined with Jenna's natural grace as she took a few steps toward her left her nearly speechless.

"I left it open for you." She turned, casting her eyes around the room, "What do you think?"

"It's beyond anything I could have imagined." The last was said at a bare whisper.

Jenna turned back toward the elaborate sound system set into her wall, she pressed a few buttons and Lily found herself surrounded by music. "You danced to this?" Lily brought the bags she was carrying over to the table cloth and set them down.

Jenna turned, surprised, "I did." She said softly, kneeling beside Lily on the floor.

Lily watched as Jenna's dark hair gleamed in the candlelight, shifting as she moved to set out the plates and silverware. She didn't need anyone else to point out how she felt about Jenna, least of all her nosy sister. She was sure that she had never seen a more beautiful creature in her whole life, but she was also sure that Jenna would never believe her if she told her.

"We should eat, before it gets cold." Jenna reached out and pulled one of the bags toward her, "Let's see what you got us."

Lily took a deep breath, reveling in the warmth she felt coming from Jenna. "I went to that organic place over on Ninth Street. I didn't know what you would like so I got a bunch of stuff." She started removing the lids from the containers that Jenna was unloading, glad to have something to do with her hands.

"It smells like heaven." Jenna could not resist sneaking a bit of pita bread and she dipped it into the hummus that Lily offered her. "Tastes like it too.' She smiled at Lily, who met her gaze.

"I'm glad you called." Lily's heart was going a mile a minute, but she had to take a moment to acknowledge the risk Jenna had taken by calling her.

"I've been alone a long time." She wanted to say more, to tell Lily that it seemed as if her whole world had been turned upside down, that all the things she thought she'd never have in her life were beginning to appear, leaving her both scared and elated.

Lily covered Jenna's hand with her own and gave it a gentle squeeze. With that simple gesture, Jenna knew she didn't have to explain, that Lily already knew, already accepted who she was and she would wait for her.

"Are you okay with another picnic? We could go eat at the table if you want."

Lily laughed. "This is perfect. I just didn't expect it of you. You definitely seem like a table and chair kind of girl to me."

"I guess looks can be deceiving then?" Jenna uncorked the wine and poured them each a glass.

"Quite." Lily agreed as she divided the food between their plates. "What did you think of me the first time that you saw me?"

"Well," Jenna thought for a moment. "I thought you were lost, and then I thought you were crazy."

"You wouldn't be the first."

Jenna caught her gaze, "But you were the first person who asked me to go anywhere in a very long time."

Lily looked at her for a moment, sure that the wine she was drinking must be muddling her hearing. "Maya used to bring the other dancers home." She decided to take advantage of Jenna's burst of honesty. "You never came."

Jenna pushed what was left on her plate around, taking a sip of wine. "I can't even remember if I was invited."

"I think Maya was too scared to invite you."

"I wouldn't have come." She wanted so desperately to be honest with Lily, but needed the past to be the past if she was going to believe they could have a future together.

Lily moved beside her, but resisted the urge to touch Jenna, "Why?"

"All I cared about was dancing; it was the only thing that I lived for."

"But you stopped." Lily held her breath, more than anything; she wanted to watch the wall that Jenna had built around her heart crumble.

"There comes a time in your life when you know it is time to move on. It was my time." Jenna looked down at her hands, knowing Lily wanted more and wishing she could give it to her. It wasn't the right time though, she would know in her heart when it was. "I believe I saw dessert in one of those bags over there?"

Lily sighed, understanding that it was too early for Jenna. "Strawberry tart."

They had moved to the couch and were considering a movie when Jenna realized there was something not quite right. At first she thought it was the candlelight combined with the wine she had consumed that was making the room a little fuzzy, but as a headache blossomed behind her eyes, and she knew something was really wrong.

It took a minute for Lily to notice that Jenna had become exceptionally quiet, but it was when she turned to look at her that she saw the look of thinly veiled panic on her face. "What's wrong?" She dropped the two dvd cases she was holding onto the floor and was at Jenna's side immediately.

Jenna closed her eyes, willing the pain to ease and her vision to return to normal, but when she opened them to look at Lily, her heart dropped to her stomach. ""In the kitchen," she said softly, "there's a cabinet on the counter next to the refrigerator, I need two of the pills in the blue bottle."

Lily's heart was beating so hard, she thought it might burst right out of her chest. Jenna was scared and so was she, only she had no idea why. "Tell me what is wrong." It was no longer a question.

"Nothing." She whispered. "I get…" She let her voice trail off, not wanting to admit the truth. "Please get me the medicine." She was holding onto the hope that if she could relieve the headache, her vision might return to normal. She had lost her vision before, but it had always returned when the pain eased.

Lily stood brushing her hand across Jenna's forehead, and was surprised to find the skin beneath her fingers damp with sweat. "Where is the kitchen?" Her voice gathered an edge, as she began to put together all the little things Jenna had told her over the last few days. She didn't like the picture that was forming in her mind.

Jenna pointed to a door in the back of the living room. "Through there, to the left." And then, as if the words had left her totally drained, she let her eyes drop shut.

Jenna hadn't moved when Lily returned a bare minute later with a bottle of water and the pills clutched in her hands. Kneeling beside her friend, she handed over the pills and opened the water. With her hands shaking, she poured the water into a glass. She took a deep breath before speaking, "You have to tell me what is going on."

Jenna swallowed all the pills Lily handed her with practiced ease. Pressing the heels of her palms against her eyes, she carefully rested her head against the back of the couch. She could feel the pain in her skull tightening. "Please just stay with me?" She reached out, finding Lily's hand with amazing accuracy and linked their fingers together.

Lily felt the prickle of tears behind her eyes and swallowed hard, vainly trying to hold them back. Without a word from Jenna, Lily understood the truth that Jenna had been so desperate to keep to herself. She was sick. And now that Lily knew, the details were somehow irrelevant.

This was Lily's moment of truth, the one that would show Jenna whether or not she could do this. She sat there for a long time, just watching Jenna as the tension in her face slowly faded away, and her breathing evened out. And in the end, only one thought remained, even if Jenna faced certain death, they would see it through together.

She curled up on the couch next to Jenna, pulling a blanket over the both of them. Then she put her head on Jenna's shoulder and shut her eyes.

It was amazing how easy it was to find sleep with Jenna at her side.

Chapter 4

Callie pulled her blue Volvo into the Malone driveway with a sigh of relief. If she never saw a can of pink paint again, she would be a happy woman. Her grand-daughter's nursery was completely finished though, and prior to her birth, which Callie considered a particular victory. She knew she would have to talk to Jenna about some time off once the baby arrived though, and she'd put it off just about as long as she could.

Rounding the curve at the top of the driveway, she braked, surprised to see a dark red Ford Explorer parked at the top. She regarded the vehicle with some speculation; Jenna had been full of surprises lately and she had a feeling that she was about to meet Jenna's mysterious new friend. Gathering her things from the passenger seat, she hurried inside.

A few minutes later, she stood in the living room doorway in a state of disbelief. Jenna was sleeping on the couch, a small blonde woman stretched out at her side, one arm wrapped around her waist. In the decade she had known Jenna, she had never once brought a single soul into the house. Calliope had never helped Jenna dress for a date, never did any of the things she had done for her own children.

Instead she had held Jenna when the chemotherapy made her sick; she had picked her tired body up from the hospital, brought her home and nursed her until the next treatment. She had protected Jenna from the world. She had held Jenna when she cried, and celebrated when her cancer had gone into remission.

But all the while she worried about Jenna, about the future and who would take care of her. She had known Jenna since she was a young girl, and the truth was she could not have loved her more if she had given birth to her. But Jenna deserved more out her life, and Callie thought this might be the right time to give her a little push out of the nest.

Turning away, she headed for the kitchen, already planning what she would make them for breakfast.

There was a strange scent tickling Lily's nostrils, and her sleepy mind struggled to place it. As she slowly began to be aware of her surroundings she remembered that she and Jenna had fallen asleep on the couch.

Her arm was still wrapped around Jenna's waist, though, so she couldn't figure out why she smelled breakfast. Sitting up, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and took a minute to study Jenna. She was still deeply asleep, and peace reigned across her face, but Lily felt the weight of the previous night settle on her own shoulders.

Her sleep had been steeped in worry; she felt lost now that she finally knew what Jenna had been keeping from her. She only wanted to make it better, and as she sat there, the scent of breakfast assailing her senses, she realized that there might be one person in this world that could actually help her.

Navigating the halls proved to be a totally different experience during the day; she noticed the proliferation of art that covered the walls and filled the rooms she peeked into. She found it odd, though, that she didn't see a single photograph; for all its beauty and spectacular views of the Pacific Ocean, it was remarkably impersonal. She thought of her own house, and how carefully she had chosen the things that surrounded her and it made her wonder how Jenna could ever call this place home.

Following the hall as it curved to the left, she stopped just inside the doorway to the kitchen. A tiny, gray haired woman was pulling a pan of muffins from the oven, placing them on a rack to cool. Lily couldn't help but notice the proliferation of baked goods that covered the counter. She had the distinct feeling that Callie didn't always bake this much. "I hope you are expecting a crowd," she said with a laugh.

"I aim to please." Callie turned around with a smile on her face. "You must be Lily," she said softly, "Come sit down and I'll get you some coffee."

Lily nodded slowly, taking the seat at the breakfast bar that Callie had indicated. "Thank you." Callie set a cup in front of her, followed by sugar and cream and topped it off with a blueberry muffin still warm from the oven. "I can see why Jenna speaks so highly of you," Lily said, her thoughts momentarily distracted by the fragrant food in front of her.

"Jenna's special. But I am sure you agree." Callie poured herself a cup of coffee and settled down next to Lily. "Is she still sleeping?"

Lily nodded as she took a bite of blueberry muffin. "Last night...something happened to Jenna. It was a headache, I think, but I know I have never had a headache like that." Worry still sat like a pit in the bottom of her stomach

Callie looked down at her cup, and it was a few minutes before she said anything. "Do you know which pills she took?"

Lily nodded, "They were in a blue bottle, two of them."

"She'll be asleep for a while." The medication that Lily indicated was one of the most powerful that Jenna had, so Callie knew Jenna must have been in some serious pain.

"What can I do?" Lily said, "I need to know."

Callie shook her head, "I am not sure if you can do anything." As hard as she tried, she could not keep her concern out of her voice. "You are just going to have to be patient."

Lily knew she needed to give Jenna the chance to tell her what was going on, but it troubled her to see the look on Callie's face; dismay blended with surprise told Lily this was not something that she expected to hear. "I can do that." There had to be more though, a way that she could change this. She could never watch Jenna in pain if there was the minutest chance she could do something to help her.

Callie studied Lily's face, the crease in her forehead and the faraway look in her eyes betrayed her thoughts as if she spoke them aloud. She opened her mouth to speak, but found the words did not come. She recognized a part of herself in the look in Lily's eyes. She had brewed Jenna teas, cultivated and dried herbs for her to take, read mountains of books and prayed endlessly, but in the end, she didn't think it had made much of a difference. Jenna had suffered greatly, and despite her remission, she went about her life with a certain hollowness, as if she expected it to be taken away from her at any moment. Callie feared that was exactly what was about to happen.

"Since Jenna is going to be asleep for a while, I think I'll go do a few things and come back." Lily's voice broke into her thoughts.

Callie nodded. She would have to get Jenna to the doctor as soon as she woke, but it occurred to her that Lily might be able to do something after all. "How would you feel about staying with Jenna for the next few days?"

Lily's eyes brightened, "I would...like that." The chance to spend some uninterrupted time with Jenna was unquestionably a gift.

"My daughter is going to need me for the next few days, and it would make it a whole lot easier to leave if I knew you were here."

"Let me go home then," Lily said, "And I'll pack up a few things and come back around dinner time?"

Callie nodded, wondering at the perfection of this situation. She had only known Lily for a short time but she already knew that Jenna was in good hands. She touched Lily gently on the shoulder as she stood, "Thank you." And for a fleeting moment, she thought this time around, Jenna might actually have something to live for.

Lily carefully punched the code that Callie had given her into the pad next to Jenna's front door. Two beeps and a click later, she pushed open the door. Silent darkness greeted her. She wasn't surprised though, Called had warned her that Jenna was having a rough time and not to expect to see her until the following day.

Feeling along the wall, she found the switch and her touch set off a cascade of light that illuminated the hall in front of her as well as the rooms on either side. Normally she would have let her curiosity get the best of her and indulged in a little more exploring, but she was on a mission and there was no time to waste.

When she reached the kitchen, she found several sheets worth of instructions from Callie, including what to do in an emergency. Callie's note comforted her and gave her the courage she needed to keep moving forward whatever Jenna's state of mind might be.

Lily set her bag on the counter, unloading the few specialty ingredients she had brought with her before she set about learning the layout of the kitchen. She felt like she was in heaven as she opened each successive cabinet and the refrigerator was packed from top to bottom with just about everything Lily could think of.

With this kind of arsenal, getting Jenna to eat was going to be easier than she had thought.

Lily's back was to the door when she heard the soft sound of Jenna's bare feet on the floor. She smiled to herself, Jenna had turned up far sooner than she expected. "Hungry?" She asked, not turning around.

"I didn't think you'd be back." She had been afraid to allow herself to even think of Lily all day long. She didn't think that she could bear being sick again if Lily was the cost.

Lily's heart tightened at Jenna's words and she turned to look at her; she'd never meant for Jenna to think she was walking out on her. She was shocked to see the difference the day had wrought on Jenna; she was a ghost of the woman that Lily had come to know. Dark smudges had taken up residence under eyes that were somehow less blue. "It would take a lot more than this to get rid of me," she said, returning to her cooking. She had spent the day thinking about Jenna, and realized that she could do no less than stand by Jenna's side no matter what the outcome. When she was with Jenna, she knew that was exactly where she belonged.

As hard as she tried, Jenna could not ignore the relief she felt finding Lily in her kitchen; watching the casual ease with which she moved around putting the finishing touches on the marinara sauce she had simmering on the stove top comforted her in a way that nothing else could have. Her heart ached as she thought again of how much she wanted to share with Lily, and how little time they would have together.

"I'll just be another minute." Lily glanced over her shoulder, noting that Jenna had not moved despite the fact that she looked like she desperately wanted to. "Why don't you go sit down?"

Jenna's eyes moved across the room and for the first time she noticed that Lily had set the kitchen table. Without thought, she took a few steps toward it, drawn in by the obvious care that Lily had taken in setting it. Candles glowed in the center of the table and nearby a basket of bread sat next to a huge bowl of salad.

She felt the warmth of Lily's hand on the small of her back, and started a little at the tingle that ran up her spine. She allowed Lily to guide her to a chair more out of surprise than anything else. "You didn't have to do this," she said, catching Lily's eye before she sat down.

Lily shook her head, "I did," she said quietly, knowing it was probably bringing her more peace of mind than Jenna, but at the same time she knew deep down that Jenna also needed this from her. When she returned to the table a few minutes later with two bowls of pasta, Jenna had already opened the Pellegrino and was pouring them each a glass. Satisfaction filled her momentarily as she set down the bowls, and everything felt as it should.

Lily reached out, brushing her fingers across the back of Jenna's hand. She felt the need to mark the moment between them. "Please eat," she said softly. She wanted to say so much more, but those were the only words that she could get out. The candlelight flickered between them and for a split second she saw how lost Jenna really was.

"I don't know--" She wished for the right words to tell Lily the terrible truth.

"Not now." She looked down at her plate, willing the tears not to come. "You can tell me after dinner." She'd been so sure that Jenna was going to be okay, but seeing the change in her had shaken Lily more than she wanted to admit; right now she just wanted to pretend that nothing had changed.

Jenna nodded. Lily didn't have to say anything for her to understand what the younger woman was thinking. "If it's any consolation, I'm actually hungry."

Lily smiled, knowing Jenna was trying and that was something she had never dared to expect. Maybe there was hope after all.

"What should we watch?" Lily sank down in the soft leather of the couch in Jenna's media room. Jenna was next to her, already curled under a blanket. After the dinner dishes were cleared away, Lily had sent Jenna off to rest while she finished up in the kitchen.

"I don't want to die." Jenna's voice was thick and somehow caught in the back of her throat. She had held it in all day, all through dinner, but with every minute that passed her resolve lessened and she wanted nothing more than to fall into Lily's arms and let her take away the heavy weight on her heart.

Lily didn't even blink at the change of subject. "I don't plan on letting you." Her voice was soft, yet it seemed to echo through the room. "I am going to take care of you. And together we will find a way to beat this."

"There is no way to tell if a tumor will come back, Brain tumors are notoriously hard to predict." Jenna said, looking down at her hands. "I guess in a way, I expected this."

Lily silently prayed for the right words to come to her, the ones that would bring Jenna the faith that she would need to move forward, to actually fight. Perhaps it was selfish, but she knew there was so much between them that was undone and she wasn't ready to give up on it.

Jenna turned her head so she could look at Lily, searching her green eyes, and finding only truth in them. I could fall in love with you. She was almost startled by the thought as it appeared in her brain, but she realized that she had been traveling toward this from the moment Lily had appeared in her life. Jenna took Lily's hand in hers. "I have an ache," she said, pressing Lily's hand to her heart. "It won't go away." The pain of her heart breaking was far worse than any pain she'd had to endure at the mercy of her illness.

Shifting slightly, Lily used her finger to slip open the top button on Jenna's pajama top, only breaking her eye contact with Jenna to place her lips over her heart. Jenna's eyes slid closed as she felt Lily's gentle kiss.

"Is that better?"

Jenna felt Lily's words rather than heard them. "Yes." She didn't even know where that voice came from.

The blonde head lifted, and waited until Jenna's deep blue eyes open. "When everything and every one else is gone I'll still be there." She knew in her heart that the meaning of these words was not lost on Jenna.

The blue eyes were lost to her again in that moment, but not the tears that slipped quietly out from under the closed lids. But as Lily watched Jenna, and felt her warm body so very close to her own, she knew these were tears she had no desire to stop.

Chapter 5

"You must come down here all the time," Lily said as they picked their way down the narrow, rocky path to the beach. Ever since she'd seen the view from Jenna's kitchen window, she'd wanted Jenna to take her down to the beach, so after she'd cleared away their breakfast, she'd convinced Jenna to take a walk.

"Not really." Jenna's foot slipped a little and she reached out blindly, grabbing Lily's hand to steady herself. Lily's fingers twined with hers, and Jenna didn't even bother to try to pull her hand back once she'd regained her balance. From the strength of Lily's grip, Jenna knew Lily wasn't letting go. They'd spent another night together on the couch, this time Jenna woke first, to find Lily securely wrapped around her. Part of her wondered how either of them got any sleep that way, but the way that Lily fit into her life, against her body seemed preordained, and she wasn't foolish enough to question it any longer.

Lily shaded her eyes and looked up at Jenna unable to believe that someone who literally lived on the beach never spent any time there. It pained her to see how little joy Jenna had allowed into her life.

Jenna shrugged, "I could watch the waves for hours." Whenever faith deserted her, when she felt lost and alone, she knew she could fine solace in simply watching the water. For the first time, though, she found herself wondering why she'd never come down to actually touch it. "It never really occurred to me to come down here by myself." She realized now that she had been given a great gift when her cancer went into remission, but fear had laid waste to her life, and she'd struggled to emerge from the darkness. Now that she'd found someone to light her way, she hoped it wasn't too late.

Lily glanced up at her and smiled, kicking off her sandals as they reached the bottom of the path where rocks gave way to the beach. The warm sand felt good under her feet and she wiggled her toes as she looked at Jenna expectantly. "I'm glad we're doing this now."

Jenna sighed softly as she relented, slipping her shoes off and tossing them next to Lily's. She wondered how Lily managed to make the simplest things seem so special, so full of meaning. "Me too." She'd never imagined the person she was becoming with Lily in her life; there had been whole minutes where she'd forgotten herself, forgotten the illness that had cast its dark shadow over her once again. She'd caught herself thinking about a future with Lily more than once, something she'd never allowed herself to do before.

"Come on." Lily pulled her toward the water. They walked along, their linked hands swinging between them as tiny waves washed away their footprints almost as fast as they made them.

Lily saw the conflict in Jenna's eyes, the discord between what she wanted and what she thought she could have was as plain as day, but she also knew that the pull between them was undeniable even in Jenna's eyes. She cast her eyes out over the water, breathing in the ocean air as she opened her mind, willing peace to come to her.

Jenna watched Lily as she stood there. The light breeze ruffled her hair and a small smile touched the corners of her lips. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" She turned to face Jenna, pushing her sunglasses up on her head.

"Have so much faith." Years and years ago, she might have been like Lily for a while, but the reality of her cancer, the hours upon hours she'd spent in the hospital had slowly eroded any hope that she'd had in the beginning.

"Our lives have been very different." Lily looked away, for a moment, her eyes on the horizon.

"I don't remember a time when I wasn't afraid." It was a hard truth to admit, but she already felt lighter for sharing it.

"I have enough faith for both of us." The strange truth was that Jenna actually fed her faith, her belief that Jenna was meant to be part of her life.

"Do you?" Jenna's voice was low and steady, and it struck a chord somewhere deep inside Lily.

"Will you trust me?" It had come to her, something she had read a long time ago, and just maybe it would start planting the seeds of faith in Jenna.

"With my life." There was no hesitation as she spoke.

Lily knelt in the sand, pulling Jenna down with her so they were kneeling across from each other in the sand. "Give me your hands."

Jenna looked at her curiously but did as she was asked.

Taking Jenna's hands, she cupped them with her own. "When the earth was new, "she said softly, looking into Jenna's eyes, "all water was healing." Lowering her hand into the water, she gathered a handful, letting it spill over Jenna's outstretched hands.

They watched together, as the water ran over Jenna's palms onto the sand below. She wished it could be that easy, and when her eyes met Lily's she knew she was thinking the very same thing.

"For this moment, believe it."

"I do." The words fell from her lips without thought, and Jenna found truth in them. For the first time in her life, she knew she had all she needed within the space of her hands. Every minute she had with Lily was a gift; she vowed not to waste a single one.

Lily turned Jenna's hands over, and bowing her head, she kissed each one.

"You are sure this is what you want?" Jenna's voice nearly cracked under the weight of what she was asking.

"I know you," she said, "in a way that I cannot explain. This is where I am supposed to be." She looked up at Jenna, and using just the tip of her finger, she outlined the shape of Jenna's face, imprinting it in her memory, knowing things were changing between them and wanting to remember what it felt like to stand on the cusp of something so powerful.

Jenna looked down at her, the way her green eyes seemed flecked with gold in the morning sun and she knew without a single doubt that she was in love with Lily. It spilled from her heart, filling her to overflowing, and her doubts simply fell away.

Lily's heart pounded in her ears, never had she felt the hand of destiny on her like this. Jenna's hand skimmed across her cheek, slid through her hair, drifted down her back. And then it was as if time stood still.

Jenna dipped her head, letting her lips brush Lily's. She thought she could keep it slow and easy, but she'd never been caught so deeply in a kiss. From the moment that her lips touched Lily's there was no such thing as thinking; there was only the feeling of need that welled up inside of her coupled with a deep recognition of finding something that she had lost long ago.

Lily met Jenna's kiss with an equal passion, with a depth of knowing that echoed within her soul. The love she felt for Jenna encompassed her, lifted her up, and swept her away until the only thing that mattered was the heat of Jenna's mouth against hers telling her a story that words never could.

There was no pretense between them as Jenna led Lily down the long hallway that led to her bedroom. Lily's hand was loosely clasped in hers, but Jenna kept looking over her shoulder just to be sure she was still there.

"Hey," Lily said quietly, "I'm not going anywhere." She had never been as sure of anything in her life as she was of Jenna, and she had longed for the chance to show that to Jenna in a way that she could hold onto even in the darkest moments.

Jenna nodded, trying to find the will to believe. Now that the last barrier had been broken between them, she simply could not imagine her life without Lily. She was essential to her being, as necessary as air. Taking a breath, she pushed open her bedroom door, drawing Lily over the threshold and into her arms.

Lily was nearly overwhelmed by her desire as she slid her arms around Jenna's neck. Her need to feel the warmth of Jenna's skin increased with every second that passed. She could not still her hands as Jenna's mouth descended upon hers.

Jenna felt the sting of tears as she pulled back to look into Lily's eyes. Days ago she'd told Lily she didn't want to die, but what she'd really meant to say was that she wanted to feel alive. She'd touched the feeling when she was dancing, but it was no comparison to the way she felt within the circle of Lily's arms.

Lily took a step back, dropping her hands so she could take both of Jenna's in hers and she pulled Jenna across the room, towards the bed. She could see the trust in Jenna's eyes, sensing the subtle shift between them as Jenna placed herself in Lily's hands in every way possible.

Jenna closed her eyes, felt her clothes melt away under Lily's gentle touch, and then they were lying back on the bed, skin to skin. She almost forgot to breathe as Lily slid against her, their bodies twining as if they had been made for each other.

Jenna sucked in a breath as she felt the ghost of Lily's touch over her skin; she closed her eyes, arching into her. With each caress, every slide of her hand Jenna could feel Lily artfully reshaping her, taking all the parts of her that were bruised and broken and making them whole again.

With every caress, with each kiss, Lily gave Jenna her heart and soul, she held nothing back and Jenna came alive under her touch; she could hear it in every gasp, every moan, and in the way Jenna cried her name as she came undone.

Jenna could hear the steady beat of Lily's heart as she lay with her head against her breast. She wondered at the magic of Lily's touch, as if it had been borne from years of familiarity, instead of just days of knowing her. She propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at Lily. "How did you do that?" She traced Lily's collar bone with her finger, then allowed it to drift down, tracing a path between her breasts.

Lily shook her head, "I don't know." She could not explain the connection she felt to Jenna, it was as if she knew her by heart. She did not question such a gift, though; she simply accepted it for the miracle that it was.

Jenna dropped her head, touching her lips to Lily's. "Will it always be like this between us?" When she looked into Lily's eyes, the world disappeared, taking with it all the weight on her shoulders.

Lily looked up and into Jenna's eyes, she saw everything that Jenna had lost coupled with everything she'd found, and she was nearly moved to tears. She could not explain the way she was drawn to Jenna; falling in love with her was as innate as breathing. "Yes," she said softly, closing her eyes as Jenna's mouth began to trace a path down the column of her throat.

Later, as Jenna held Lily in her arms, she knew a peace of mind that had never been hers before. She knew that she had more than ever to lose now, but she found a completeness in her soul that she'd never thought possible. Lily was part of her now, so deeply embedded in her heart that she knew whatever the future held, they would face it together.

Chapter 6

Jenna rolled over, reaching out for Lily. When her arm came up empty however, disappointment forced her to open her eyes. Groaning, she rolled back over and looked at the clock.

Ten o'clock was much later than she intended to sleep. Rubbing her eyes she considered the last few days of her life. The time she and Lily had spent together was fast becoming the most precious time of her life. There were moments when she actually had to wonder what she had been thinking trying to keep Lily out of her life. Just waking up without her made Jenna feel somehow incomplete.

The door opening brought her from her thoughts, and when she saw Lily's beautiful face, she could not help but smile.

"You're up." She balanced the tray she was carrying on one arm, shutting the door behind her.

"Why did you let me sleep so late?" She relaxed back against the pillows as she watched Lily cross the room. There was something delightful about the way Lily looked in one of her t-shirts, with nothing on underneath.

"You obviously needed it," she said, loathe to mention Jenna's cancer. By tacit agreement, they had left the subject alone to allow for a few days away from reality. Lily knew that was fast coming to an end, and she didn't want to waste a single moment.

"You are wearing me out." Jenna laughed, leaning over to accept a kiss from Lily as she slid the tray holding their breakfast across the bed. It was filled with an assortment of fresh fruit, muffins and a pot of tea. Jenna couldn't help but notice how out of place the line of amber pill bottles looked next to the food Lily had so artfully arranged.

"Tell me something?" Lily poured her a glass of water from the pitcher on the bedside table, and after handing it to Jenna, started methodically doling out Jenna's medication in sets of two. A quick learner, it had only taken her a day or two to commit the entire regimen to memory.

"What do you want to know?" Jenna tossed the pills back two at a time.

"Why is this house so big?" Over the past few days, she'd taken it upon herself to acquaint herself with the layout of the house while Jenna napped in the afternoon, and she could not figure out why Jenna would want to live in such a huge place by herself. Some of the rooms were empty, others barely furnished.

Jenna shrugged, breaking an apple muffin in half. "I wish I knew."

Lily said nothing; instead she poured herself some tea and helped herself to the other half of Jenna's muffin.

"My parents built this house. I guess they never did anything small, and this was going to be their dream home. but they died before we ever moved in. I didn't even know about it until I was eighteen and I inherited it, and I moved in when I got sick. Callie had someone furnish it, but I know she didn't bother with the rooms we don't use."

Somehow it almost made sense. Jenna's house was so devoid of any personal touches that Lily often wondered if she was just visiting, and in a way, she supposed she was. Jenna had never taken the time to make this place hers; Lily vowed to change that. "How old were you?" Lily's struggles with her own parents paled as she thought of growing up without them.

"Three." Jenna looked down at her hands. The fact that she was telling this to Lily at all was a testament to the trust she placed in her; Callie was the only other human being who knew the story of her life.

"Do you remember anything?"

Jenna shook her head. "Every once in a while something strange will seem familiar, but other than that..." She let her voice trail off.

Lily hesitated, she didn't want to pry but she had to know. "What happened to you after your parents were gone?"

"I had an aunt and uncle. They took me in until I was old enough to go to boarding school."

Tears began to gather in Lily's eyes as she thought of Jenna so young and so alone. "How could they do that to you?"

"It was okay," Jenna said taking her hand. "Somehow they managed to pick the perfect school for me, and once I'd taken my first ballet class, I was in love. The rest is history." She'd lost her family so young, she'd forgotten what it was like to have someone to really love her. Now that she had Lily, she knew she could never go back.

Lily was quiet for a few minutes as she considered the story of Jenna's life. It certainly explained Jenna's loner tendencies, though there did seem to be an exception or two. "How did you find Callie?" Lily could tell that Callie's devotion to Jenna went far beyond what Jenna paid her.

"She was a house mom at my dormitory at school. She's always taken care of me; you'd have to ask her why." Jenna sighed, "She was the only one I could turn to when I--" She stopped, not wanting to say the words.

Lily squeezed her hand and moved closer to Jenna so she could rest her head on her shoulder. There were so many more questions that she wanted to ask, but she knew there would be time for that later. "Callie called this morning. She wanted to know if you are up for a visitor."

"The baby?"

Lily nodded. She saw the excitement in Jenna's eyes, but it was somehow tempered by the thought that they were going to have to return to the real world, and there were a lot of things she knew Jenna wasn't ready to face.

"I'm going to shower." Jenna slid off the bed, "Why don't you call Callie back, and then come join me?" She tossed Lily a sly smile over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

Lily laughed as she flipped open her cell phone, knowing this was going to be a short phone call.

Jenna knew she was having a slow day, and Lily had been kind enough not to mention it. She'd simply gone ahead to keep Callie company while Jenna finished dressing. They'd spent longer in the shower than she ever imagined they could, and she smiled to herself as she ambled down the long hallway towards the living room at her own pace, trailing her hand along the wall as she went.

She wasn't sure what she expected to see when she rounded the corner into the living room, but just the sight of Lily sitting with Callie's grand-daughter in her arms was enough to take her breath away.

Just not in the way she expected. It was the unadulterated joy on Lily's face as she looked down at the baby that brought Jenna immeasurable sadness. In that instant, she felt the pain of the future she knew they would never share. There was no way Lily could realize what she was giving up, and Jenna felt the weight of that descend upon her, and she realized it was up to her to make Lily see that.

Her eyes filled with tears as she thought of what it would mean to not have Lily in her life; the thought of her absence brought on an ache like none she had ever felt before. She leaned back against the wall, trying to catch her breath.

The last few days with Lily had been precious to her, she'd savored every moment, every touch, every kiss, and she had to trust the memory of this to sustain her.

"Jenna!"

She thought she heard her name, though it sounded very far away. It wasn't until she felt a touch on her hand and Lily's gentle presence at her side that she looked up.

"Are you okay?" Lily's green eyes held nothing but worry, and Callie's face bore the same expression. "What is it? A headache?"

"I'm fine." She tried to shake of the thoughts that plagued her. "Just a little tired." She tightened her grip on Lily's hand. She glanced at Callie. "Do I get to hold her?"

Callie laughed. "You have always loved a dramatic entrance. Come sit down."

Jenna followed Lily down the stairs and settled next to her on the couch. She wanted so desperately to hear Lily tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she knew if she looked Lily in the eyes, she would lose her resolve. She had allowed herself to let down her guard, and she saw it for the mistake it was now.

"Meet Sara Grace." Callie said, putting the sleeping baby in Jenna's arms. Jenna looked down at her, at the tiny face so full of promise, so blessed by all the love in her brief life, and her heart nearly broke from the knowledge of what she knew she had to do. Her life had never turned out the way she had expected, losing her parents when she was not much more than a baby had only been the beginning of a long line of disappointments. Bringing Lily into her life had been her mistake; she'd been selfish and she couldn't let Lily pay for that, no matter how much it hurt Jenna to walk away.

Callie was gone, having left to take Sara home. Lily thought they might go down to the beach for a while, but Jenna had taken her into her study. Lily could tell there was a storm brewing in Jenna's eyes, one that left her with a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"I can't do this anymore," Jenna said. Tears were already rolling down her cheeks before she even had the words out of her mouth. "I can never be what you need." She knew she could never be anything but alone.

Lily stood there staring at her. She should have seen this coming, but somehow it caught her completely off guard. Maybe it was the days of love making, the words of devotion she'd whispered in Jenna's ear. She'd watch doubt slowly disappearing from Jenna's heart, seen her let down her guard, but this, this made no sense to her. Something had changed drastically in Jenna between the time she'd left her in the bedroom and right now.

Somehow Jenna had expected Lily to say something, she'd expected a fight, but Lily simply stood there, a look of utter shock on her face. "I'm sorry," Jenna said softly, "I am really sorry."

"Don't tell me you are doing this for me." Lily was beginning to see what was going on, that doubt had somehow crept back into Jenna's heart. She reached for Jenna's hand, but Jenna moved away, and for the first time since everything had started between them, Lily felt pain. She felt frozen in place, unable to do anything but watch Jenna walk away from her.

Lily stood there for a long time, She had fallen in love with Jenna at first sight; it was the one thing that she knew for sure, and if Jenna thought she would just walk away from her after all the promises they had shared, Jenna didn't really know her at all.

Jenna rubbed her hand across her forehead as she stumbled across the dark kitchen. Her head was pounding and she stopped to steady herself against the center island for a moment before continuing over to the cabinet that held her vast array of medication.

She tossed back several pills with some water from a bottle on the counter, praying they would work quickly. An alarming sense of loneliness welled up inside of her as she thought of all the ways Lily had cared for her over the past few days, how she had never wanted for a single thing without Lily being there to provide it. It startled her to realize how easy it had been to get used to her presence.

She was alone now, and logically she thought that shouldn't bother her. She'd been alone her whole life, it was what she knew. It was the only way she was going to get through this, wasn't it?

She'd done what she needed to do. Lily deserved so much more than to spend her days counting pills and pacing in hospital waiting rooms. Jenna was so tired she could feel it in her bones; tired of the constant fight, the pain and the disappointment. How could she ask Lily to wake up to that every day, when just the thought of it overwhelmed her?

She couldn't think about this anymore tonight, though. All she wanted was the blissful release of sleep. Pushing off the counter with both hands, she began the slow trek to the bedroom.

By the time Jenna reached her room, she could barely keep her eyes open. She fell onto the bed, not even bothering to change into her pajamas. She was on the cusp of sleep when she forgot herself and rolled over, reaching for the safety of Lily's arms. When her arm came up empty, the magnitude of what she had done hit her. She tried to sit up, to call out Lily's name, but it was too late. The medication she had taken weighed her down, and as she faded away, she knew something was terribly wrong.

"Callie?" Lily figured that she'd find Callie in the kitchen, and her instinct proved correct as she rounded the corner.

Callie looked up from the onions she was chopping. "I thought you and Jenna had taken off somewhere." The house had been so quiet when she returned from her daughter's house, she figured she'd be dining along tonight. She was more than a little surprised to see Lily alone.

"I don't think Jenna's feeling very well." It was the truth on so many different levels, Lily thought. She couldn't bring herself to believe any of the words that Jenna had spoken to her earlier, and there was no way she was going to take them at face value.

"Things are going well between you two?" She smiled at Lily, knowing the young woman had come into Jenna's life as if God himself had sent her. Lily was exactly what Jenna needed in so many ways.

Lily shook her head and took a seat across from where Callie was working. "They were, at least until today." She was still trying to figure out exactly what had shaken Jenna so much that she could so easily walk away. Even though they had not talked about it much, Lily has sensed the depth of Jenna's feelings, and she knew in her heart that neither of them took their relationship lightly.

Callie sensed Lily's confusion, and felt a sudden kinship, having been witness to Jenna's often mercurial moods. "Jenna's used to being alone. It's all she's ever known." Callie didn't even have to ask what was going on. "She's scared, not just of you, but of a lot of things."

Lily sighed, knowing the truth, the one thing above all else that would never allow her to let go. "I'm in love with her." She was looking for answers, a way to fix this thing between her and Jenna, but the reality was the road ahead of her would not be an easy one to cross. She had to stop looking for strength elsewhere and find it within herself.

Callie glanced at Lily, her words striking a deep chord of empathy in the older woman. "Give her time." She turned, dumping the diced onions into a pot on the stove.

"What if we don't have time?" Lily felt her stomach turn at the thought of never being able to tell Jenna how she really felt. Part of her wondered if she'd already blown it. From the moment she'd met Jenna, there had been a certain inevitability about their relationship. It was as if her soul just knew this was where she was supposed to be.

"Don't give up on her."

"I'm more worried about her giving up on me." Lily looked down at the countertop, tracing a vein in the marbled surface with the tip of her finger.

"She's just trying to protect you." Callie set a salad and a few slices of buttered bread in front of Lily. "I'll have some soup for you in a few minutes."

Lily looked up, a little surprised; she thought she was protecting Jenna. Had she really been this blind? "Thanks," she said, poking a tomato with her fork, "I don't need to be protected."

Callie shook her head. "Tell that to Jenna."

Lily considered that for a moment, and then decided she would.

Lily stood in the doorway of Jenna's bed room peering into the darkness. She crossed the room silently, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She sat there for a very long time, just watching the gentle rise and fall of Jenna's chest as she slept.

Even though it had only been a short time, she felt like she had shared a lifetime of experiences with Jenna. She couldn't explain the feeling, but she trusted it. And it told her they were destined for so much more.

She tried not to think of everything that they were up against, to think only of love. She knew love was the one thing she could bring Jenna that she had never had before. And even though it sounded a little crazy, she knew it was the one thing that could save her. The only question that remained was how to get Jenna to believe it too.

Taking Jenna's hand into her own, she laid down beside her hoping that morning would bring the answer she sought.

Chapter 7

Lily woke with a sliver of sun in her eyes. Sitting up, she scowled at the bright light that had managed to break through the heavy crimson curtains that skirted one wall of Jenna's bedroom. Looking over at her companion, she realized her hand was still in Jenna's grasp.

Glancing at the clock, she realized it would probably be a while before Jenna woke, and even though she was loathe to leave Jenna's side, she needed some more time to think. A walk on the beach would do it, she thought as she brought Jenna's hand to her lips and kissed it.

She ran a gentle hand over Jenna's forehead, smoothing the stray hairs into place. Jenna seemed so still to her, so remarkably peaceful given the previous night's events. Lily offered up a silent prayer, hopeful that a good night's sleep would help Jenna to see the truth.

From the first moment she'd met Jenna, she'd sensed that the sum of their union would inevitably be greater than either of them could ever be alone. And they had only just begun to explore what that could mean for them, there was still so much left to discover that Lily found herself wondering if one lifetime would be enough to uncover it all.

She knew in her heart there was no way she could ever leave Jenna, now or ever, no matter what she might say.

Lily's toes were buried in the warm sand when her phone rang. Digging around in her pocket, she managed to extract it and flip it open a mere second before it went to voice mail, so she missed the chance to check the caller ID.

"Lily?"

Callie's voice sounded strange to her, and panic welled up inside of her. "What is it?" She stood up without thinking, as if it would somehow better prepare her for whatever Callie had to say.

"Where are you?"

"Down at the beach. What happened?" Her mind was suddenly blank and she could not remember where she'd put her shoes.

"Jenna, she…" There was a long pause during which Lily was sure her heart was going to beat right out of her chest. "I couldn't wake her up this morning."

Lily heard the distant wail of sirens and the air left her lungs. "I'll be right there." Forgetting her missing shoes, she made a beeline for the path back up to the house, not even noticing the sharp rocks that bit into the bottom of her feet as she ran.

She kept her eyes on the ground in front of her, thinking only of getting to Jenna as fast as humanly possible. Scrambling up the side of the hill, she slipped as her feet failed to find purchase in the sandy dirt. She felt the tears come then as a nearly unbearable sense of loss filled her. She pushed it away, refusing to believe that Jenna could ever leave her like this, and she kept running.

Lily stood in the stark, white hallway trying to put some order to the last few hours of her life. Jenna had been whisked away from her the moment they'd arrived at the hospital, and she and Callie had huddled together in the hospital waiting room in silence.

Her heart was in her throat as she waited to see Jenna. As hard as she tried, she could not stand still, and she moved restlessly about the small waiting room. The nurse had already assured her that they would get Jenna settled as fast as possible, but to Lily every minute that passed was interminable. Jenna had been completely unresponsive when she was admitted, and Lily had never felt as helpless in her life as she did when she let go of Jenna's hand and watched her disappear down a long hall into the depths of the hospital.

"You're going to wear out your shoes if you don't sit down." Callie wasn't sure if she should be more worried about Lily or Jenna. Lily had been inconsolable since the minute Jenna had left her sight.

Lily peered out the window, wishing for a view of the ocean, knowing it would make her feel better just to see the water. "I just need to see her." When the doctor had come to speak with them, he had offered nothing helpful; saying they needed more time to make an accurate assessment of the tumor's growth.

Callie knew there was nothing she could say to make Lily feel better; she'd sat in this seat before, but even with the benefit of experience, she was worried. Jenna's long history with this disease left her with an uneasy feeling that this fight was far from over.

The door to the ICU opened and a nurse in pink scrubs emerged. She looked at Lily, "You can come back now."

Lily glanced over at Callie, who shook her head. "You go," she said quietly, "I'll be in later." As hard as it was for her to wait, she knew Lily would need this time alone with Jenna. Tears gathered in her eyes as she watched Lily slip through the door. She offered up a silent prayer of hope, knowing this time it was not one life at stake, but two.

Lily followed the nurse down the U shaped hall, trying vainly to retain the information she was relaying about visiting hours and the rules she was required to abide by while in the ICU. The nurse, whose name tag read Angela, stopped at the room at the very center of the hallway.

Lily found her heart was back in her throat, and her feet were somehow stuck to the floor. The woman who was laying on the bed in front of her bore only a slight resemblance to the one she had fallen in love with.

"You can go in." Angela said, touching Lily lightly on the shoulder. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Lily remained rooted to the floor, listening to the rhythmic beeps and constant hum of all the machines that surrounded Jenna, reducing her to numbers and lines on a graph. Lily hated it more than she could have imagined, and wondered how she would ever find her Jenna amid the web of wires and tubes that surrounded her.

As she stood there, she realized that she was allowing fear to dictate her actions, to interfere with her love for Jenna, and she couldn't help but wonder if that was how things had gone so wrong. Lily knew Jenna harbored a lot of fear in her heart; it was, after all why Jenna had pushed her away.

With a breath, she took a step forward letting go of all the fear and apprehension that had plagued her since Callie's phone call earlier that morning. Pulling a chair up to the bedside, she sat down and took Jenna's hand into hers. She brushed her finger tips across Jenna's cheek, tracing the shape of her face as if for the first time.

"I know you can hear me," she began, "I promise I won't leave you, no matter what happens." She realized now that this was the one thing that Jenna had needed to hear again and again, yet she had never said. "I'll wait right here, for as long as it takes."

She felt the tear spilling down her cheeks as she spoke, and the room melted away as she laid her head against Jenna's shoulder, seeking comfort that would be a long time coming.

Was this heaven?

The sky was the bluest she'd ever seen, and the sun warmed her shoulders as she soaked in her surroundings. Flowers bloomed on every tree, vine and bush in sight perfuming the air with their sweet scent.

She plucked a deep purple one from a vine and inhaled deeply as she closed her eyes. Waves crashed in the distance and she realized the beach was only yards away from where she was standing.

She was safe here.

She looked down and realized that she was standing on a path, the earth soft beneath her feet. She heard the water calling her and she ran down a path that was as familiar to her as the back of her own hand.

In mere moments, she was standing on the beach, the soft sand cradling her feet as she rushed toward the ocean. She stopped as she reached the edge of the surf, bending down to dip her fingers in the water.

With a gasp, she pulled her hand back; the water was ice cold, and the tips of her fingers stung from where they had made contact. She stared at her hand with the sudden awareness that something was missing from this otherwise perfect place. Someone that she knew in her heart she could not live without.

Looking up, she realized some of the color had faded from the landscape and the sky was beginning to fill with clouds. She needed shelter, but as she cast her eyes around the beach, she realized there was nowhere to hide.

Panic and fear started to rise up within her as she backed away from the water. Her feet tangled in a piece of driftwood and she tumbled backwards onto the wet sand. Tears burned in her eyes as the first drops of rain fell from the sky, and she held out her hand, watching as the rain splashed into her palm and ran through her fingers.

And that was when she heard it, a whisper on the wind telling her to come home.

Chapter 8

It was sometime on the fourth or fifth day that she knew what she had to do.

Day and night had ceased to exist several days ago; instead she measured the passage of time by shift changes, and the hours she had to leave the ICU and Jenna's side.

Lily was pacing in front of the door to the ICU when everything became clear to her. And as luck would have it, the elevator doors opened and Callie appeared as if Lily had conjured her on purpose.

"What are you doing out here?" Callie handed Lily a cup of coffee. Despite her best efforts at getting Lily to eat actually food, she knew Lily was pretty much running on a mixture of desperation and caffeine at this point.

Lily shook her head. "I don't know exactly. They wanted to take her to do an MRI. They're discussing the possibility of operating." So far, Jenna's doctors could find no reasonable cause for the coma she was in, and they had said nothing to give Lily hope that she would ever wake up. She knew she was going to have to make her own hope.

Callie shook her head, "I don't know if she can go through that again." Her forehead creased with worry, and she couldn't help but wonder if Jenna would ever find peace.

Lily pressed her palms together, unable to contain her restlessness. "Can you stay? There is something I want to do."

"Sure." Callie barely had the word out of her mouth and Lily was heading toward the elevator.

Lily stood at the water's edge, her hand clasped tightly around the pendant she wore around her neck. She'd felt so lost the past few days without Jenna; she'd never thought it would come to this so quickly. It broke her heart to sit next to her every day and know that Jenna had slipped away from her feeling so alone.

She looked back on that moment with a deep sadness, wishing that it had been different, that she hadn't let Jenna walk away from her; that she'd told her she loved her then and there.

She knew she had to do something to bring Jenna back to her, something that Jenna would understand no matter where she was. So she had come back to the beach, needing to center herself, to find strength and to renew her faith. If she looked deep within herself, she knew without a doubt that there was so much left undone, unsaid between them.

She closed her eyes and took a breath as her own words echoed in her head.

There is so much more to discover.

It felt like an eternity had elapsed before she was back at Jenna's bedside, but in reality it was just her impatience that slowed the passage of time to a snail's pace. Lily had never been one to hold back once she decided to do something.

She scooted her chair as close to the bedside as she could get it, then she unclasped the necklace she wore around her neck, pulling the pendant from the chain. Then she took Jenna's hand, turning it so her palm faced up.

Holding it upright, she gently pulled on the crystal at the top until it came free. She looked up at Jenna's face, at her closed eyes. In many ways, she almost looked too peaceful, and there were moments when Lily feared she was already gone.

But she wasn't willing to let Jenna go; she wanted her to know that wherever she had gone, it really was safe to come home. She cradled Jenna's hand in hers, tipping the pendant over and emptying the contents into Jenna's hand.

It was only a few drops really, but Lily watched as they fell into Jenna's palm then dripped down onto her own hand. "You believed in this once, believe it again." Her voice was soft, almost inaudible, but she knew Jenna would hear her if that was what was meant to be. "I need you to come back to me."

And then, she turned Jenna's hand over and pressed a kiss to the back of it. Curling her hand around Jenna's, she laid her head down and closed her eyes. She didn't mean to fall asleep, but it was as if all of her exhaustion finally caught up with her and she could no longer fight it off. So she just let sleep take her, hoping that when she woke, things would somehow be different.

She woke up slowly, blinking her eyes as the world came into focus. For the life of her, she could not remember falling asleep, in fact the last memory she had was of water, watching as it ran over her hand and fell onto the earth below.

Her thoughts were muddled, and the light in the room was too bright. It made her wonder how she'd ever fallen asleep in the first place. She tried to sit up, but realized there was a solid weight pressed up against her side.

She blinked again, the edges of her vision were still fuzzy but she would have recognized the blonde head anywhere.

Lily.

And then it started to come back to her in bits and pieces, but it was difficult to make sense of all of it. All she wanted was to see the green of Lily's eyes, and to hear her promise that everything was going to be okay.

All of her limbs felt like they had lead weights attached to them, and she struggled to lift her hand to stroke Lily's hair. She managed it finally, clumsily resting her hand on the back of Lily's head.

Lily moved slightly at first, but then her head popped up, a look of utter shock on her face.

A great commotion followed, with the appearance of doctors and nurses, but Jenna didn't care. Lily's eyes had held on to hers for a brief moment, and that was the only thing she really needed to know. She was finally home.

Epilogue

The sun was shining high in the sky as they walked along the shore. The water lapped gently at their feet, and Lily could not have imagined a more perfect scene if she had been given the chance. She would like to have said her faith had never waned, that she knew Jenna would recover all along, but the truth was, she had been scared. And somehow that made this day that much sweeter.

"I'm sorry," Jenna said softly, "that I tried to push you away." It had taken a while for her memory to return, and there were things that were still fuzzy, but her doctor seemed to think there was hope that the missing pieces would reappear in time.

"Fear makes you do funny things." Lily squeezed her hand. "Just don't think you are ever getting away with that again."

Jenna gave her a half smile. "I don't think that is going to be a problem." She was quiet for a moment. "Even when I was asleep, I knew you were there. I knew I had to come home to you."

In a lot of ways, Lily felt like she was living a dream. Jenna's initial recovery had been slow, but now things had returned to the way they were before the coma, with one exception. "Do you believe it's really gone?"

Jenna didn't answer her for a long time; Lily had been at her side when her doctor told her, with a significant amount of disbelief in his voice, that her tumor was gone. He'd called it spontaneous remission, but Lily had attributed it to destiny and Jenna was surprised to find herself agreeing. "I believe in you, "she said, "and me."

Lily stopped walking and turned to face her. "I love you."

Jenna lifted a hand, brushing her fingers across Lily's bottom lip before bringing her mouth to Lily's. Lily's arms curled around her neck as Jenna deepened the kiss, reveling in the intensity between them. "I love you too." She had been alone for so long, she never could have imagined her dark night would give rise to such a beautiful dawn, and with Lily at her side, she knew every day would better than the one before it.

The End

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