DISCLAIMER: No profit is intended in the writing of this story. Stargate – SG1 and its characters are the property of Metro Goldwyn Mayer.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
BETA: alastria7
A Little Help
By Olli
Major Samantha Carter stalked through her lab in the Cheyenne Mountain complex, anger boiling in her mind as she clenched her teeth and made fists of her hands. She couldn't believe what that motherfucking bastard had done to her just a few minutes ago - it was… it was beyond words.
Sam reached the wall and turned. There it was, at the same place as if nothing had happen, looking so innocent and harmless… She felt the fire inside her turn into a reactor breach, unstoppable, as the anger pushed its way to the surface.
Slowly she walked back to the source of that anger. But it was odd: with every step towards her target, the heated anger turned more and more into cold hate. Sam towered over it and stared at the bastard and then… she grabbed it and threw it to the floor, kicking it once, twice, again and again, with all the force of all the anger and hate that had built up inside her. Her combat boots caused a lot of damage and Sam could feel things being torn apart under her feet. She didn't care; she wanted to make it pay for what it had done to her.
After some minutes she ground her heel into the heap of pieces at her feet and then stared at what she'd done, breathing heavily. Her anger had dissipated, the hate had vanished and suddenly she felt shame and embarrassment for the way she had acted. And she felt guilt. There was no way that she could cover up what had happened.
The major stepped back and looked at the massacre at her feet. She'd have to report this to General Hammond as soon as possible. She wanted it over with.
Sam sat on the sofa in her darkened living room, with only a few streaks of light from the street lamp opposite to illuminate the room. She wore sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt and her bare feet were propped up on the coffee table in front of the sofa. In her hand she held a glass of wine and her head lay on the backrest. She couldn't believe that she'd gotten away with what she'd done so easily.
All of her friends had been very understanding. Colonel O'Neill had patted her on the back and made some ironic comments and, unbelievably, she'd smiled about it. Daniel had told her that he could understand the way she'd acted completely, and that he might have done the same in her position. Teal'c had lifted his eyebrow and nodded at her and Sam had understood that the big Jaffa would support her fully. And Janet had checked her out, as gently and carefully as ever, and had finally massaged her solid shoulders, instead of giving her medication, so Sam could begin to relax and feel much better, ready to face her fate.
General Hammond had dressed her down and ordered that she would have to pay for what she had done, literally. At Janet's recommendation he had put her on medical leave for two weeks. Stress and excessive work had caused an overreaction, the doctor had explained.
And there she was, Sam thought, banned from the mountain; banned from her lab; banned from her friends. At least she had some time for herself now - maybe she could begin a new personal project. Her access to the SGC network through her home pc had been cancelled for the duration of her medical leave, so she couldn't do any work.
Sam was thinking about her new project, and how she might begin it, when the sudden ring of the door bell startled her. She put her glass on the table and stood up.
"Ouch!"
In the darkened room, she had stubbed her toe on the coffee table.
"Damn."
Slowly she hobbled to the front door as the bell rang again.
"I'm on my way," she yelled. And finally Sam opened the door.
"Oh. Hi, Janet."
"Hi, Sam. I… uhm, I thought maybe you'd want something to eat?" The other woman held aloft a bag from Sam's favourite Chinese restaurant.
Sam smiled at her friend. "Sure, come in." She stepped aside and flinched, due to her toe.
"Sam?"
"It's nothing. I stubbed my toe on the coffee table."
"I'll take a look at it," Janet said as she put her jacket in the wardrobe.
"Janet, you…" Sam flinched again, but this time in her friend's sight. Janet was now in full doctor mode and the blonde had learned long ago that you didn't object when she was like this. "Alright," Sam agreed finally.
The doctor supported Sam by her arm and led her into the living room and, while Sam sat down on the couch, she put her bag on the table and then pulled Sam's foot up into her lap. After a few minutes examination, Janet agreed that it was nothing serious but she made it clear that Sam shouldn't walk around in the dark.
The major sighed but said nothing about it.
"Okay, let's eat before it goes cold," Janet said, standing up. She walked to the kitchen, washed her hands and then took a coke from the cooler and went back into the living room. In the meantime, Sam had unpacked the food cartons.
They sat side by side on the couch and talked about Cassie and her newest 'adventures' at school while they ate. Finally they leaned back and lapsed into silence.
"So, do you want to talk about it?" Janet asked after a minute, throwing her shoes off before curling up on the couch. With her elbow resting on the backrest, she propped her head in her hand.
"I lost it for a minute. It's nothing…" The blonde fumbled with her fingers, not daring to look at her friend - she knew all too well that she'd overreacted.
"Sam," Janet cut in. "You kicked your laptop to pieces, because it had a system crash and you lost your files. You, better than anyone else, should know that there's a back-up system on the network – you're the one who installed it! Any file you're working on gets saved on the SGC server automatically."
Finally Sam looked up and nodded. "Yeah, I know but… the file I've lost wasn't saved by the server. I… I altered the subroutines, to…" She looked at Janet and smiled. "Well, it was a private file and I hadn't made any back-ups for it."
"But why?"
Sam blushed. "I didn't want to risk someone finding it accidentally. It… The file could cause me some trouble."
"Sam, please. Talk to me," Janet pleaded. It caused her pain that her best friend thought she couldn't trust her with this. She leaned forward and laid a hand on Sam's knee.
Sam saw the pain in her friend's eyes and breathed heavily, patting her hand and nodding slowly. Janet was the best friend she'd ever had. They'd talked about so many things, and they knew more about each other than anyone else did. "Do you remember what you said a few weeks ago? You told me I needed a hobby - something that has nothing to do with the Stargate program, or wormhole theory?"
"Yes, I remember." Janet had caught Sam in her lab after more than 16 hours of work. After the doctor had stopped yelling at her, the major had practically pleaded on her knees that Janet tell no one about it. She'd promised Janet that she'd take up a hobby, to relax, and the doctor herself had pushed Sam out of the mountain and had driven her home, tucking her up in bed and staying until Sam fell asleep. "And this file you lost, it has something to do with your new hobby?"
Sam smiled embarrassed. "Yes."
"And what is so terrible that you don't want anyone to know about it?"
"Uhm, well…" Sam told Janet everything. After ten minutes she fell silent, waiting for her friend to say something.
Baffled, Janet had listened to Sam's confession. Now she blinked and realised her best friend was waiting for her reaction, with a face that was deeply red. "You… you're writing lesbian erotica about that science fiction show?"
Sam looked seriously at her friend, protesting, "Not that I'm … I mean I'm not a…" she stuttered. At least she'd never tried it in reality. "But I surfed on the Net and found this story. I started to read, and it was great; tender and loving, and a thrilling science fiction story. I searched for more and finally I joined this Yahoo! Group. We talk about the show and I read a lot of fan fiction there… that's what it's called," Sam explained. "Femslash and fan fiction. I give a lot of feedback to other authors and finally I decided I'd try to write a story myself. I worked three weeks on it and now it's all lost. That's why I lost my temper and… well the laptop got in my way."
Janet thought about what she'd heard. That Sam had fantasised about two women being in a romantic relationship wasn't that big a deal for her. Since her divorce, Janet had thought about a woman from time to time, to make her self-loving a little more interesting. But that Sam had tried to be an author that was a surprise – at least, alongside her never-ending book of wormhole physics!
Sam swallowed and looked away, the silence making her uncomfortable. "I assure you I'm not gay. I know what would happen and…"
Janet blinked. Sam was terrified about her possible reaction! She took the blonde's hand in hers. "Sam, it doesn't matter. You're my best friend and it would change nothing between us if you were gay. It would be a private thing between you and me."
Relieved, Sam smiled. "Thank you."
The doctor smiled as well. "Would you tell me about your story?"
Smiling Sam nodded. "Did you know, 'Babylon 5' is the most successful sci-fi show on screen?"
"Yes, Cassie's a big fan." Janet leaned back and listened to Sam's tale about Commander Sinclair and President Sheridan; Ambassador Delenn and Londo Molari and G'Kar; the Rangers, and the Human Minbari war; the Shadow war and the Earth-civil war and so on and so on, and she had to admit that it all sounded very interesting. Maybe she should watch the DVDs Cassie had of the show?
"…you know that 'Babylon 5' got permission for season 10?"
"No, I didn't."
"Well, thank God TPTB – that means 'The Powers That Be'," Sam explained, "gave their OK. And the spin off, 'Crusade', got the OK for season 3. At the moment there are a lot of rumours in the fandom about a second spin off and a possible motion picture," Sam went on.
Janet smiled at her friend's chattering. It was good, hearing Sam talking about something other than wormhole physics.
"You know, the hyperspace travel on the show isn't very realistic and at the beginning it annoyed me to hell but… hey! It's a show. The characters are the most important thing."
Janet didn't comment on the hyperspace travelling. "And that's the reason you… what did you call it - slashing? You slashed these two females… Captain Elizabeth Lochley and the Narn ambassador Na'toth?"
Sam nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, I think they fit perfectly together."
"And what can you do about your lost story?"
Sam sighed. "I have most of it in my head. I think I can write it down again, but it'll take some time."
Now Janet was really getting interested in Sam's hobby. "Errr… maybe I can read your story when you finish it?" she asked only a little bit embarrassed.
Sam beamed at her. "Of course! If you want, you can beta it."
Janet blinked, confused. "Beta…?"
The End